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Rank 417 (-8)
Word Count
401
Date submitted
10.13.2009
Date Updated
01.12.2010
by Sila
Poem
The components of a human are thus: one part flesh, to one part bone, with equal parts mind, and two parts soul.
somewhere there is a piece missing.
On 23 Pick Lists
On 29 Watch Lists
111 Comments
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wrote 310 days ago
This is incredible. Not just technically speaking (though the rhyming was something to behold) but also the emotions and message behind the words. You just got it so right. Especially with the lines "I want to be me, but since I don't know who that is, I guess I'll never be free" I guess that's really what it's all about - finding ourselves. This was really really real and amazing.
wrote 44 days ago
exactly how i feel. amazingly put. wonderful. just. wonderful.
wrote 53 days ago
that's beautiful...really wonderful. it's powerful and emotional. i got chills when i read it!! and it's something people can relate to. very very well done!
wrote 59 days ago
Hey! I'm re-reading this poem...and it's still breathtaking! *Neicy*
wrote 62 days ago
this is great i teared up alittle in the middle cause i reminds so much of the life of a person i know and love this poem is really amazing
wrote 89 days ago
This poem is magnificent. Each line carried so much depth, meaning, and sorrow; it was emotional to read. The secret battles that we hold inside ourselves is a very interesting and amazing topic to write about. I could really take this poem personally. My favorite line was "I help them escape their demons, while I am maimed by their claws." Wow. That fits so perfectly in my life, and it flows effortlessly with the poem. On writing levels: I loved the way you wrote this. The bold accents were a nice add. So overall, painfully stunning job, and I loved it. It would be a crime not to pick this.
wrote 103 days ago
I really like this, it's thoughtful and inspiring. I really like the way you set it all up with one statement bolded and the next not, it makes it even more impactful. well done!-Rachiee;
wrote 104 days ago
Wow. I really loved it! :) Awesome!
wrote 108 days ago
God, that's amazing! I could feel the anger and thae pain. You have a great gift.
wrote 109 days ago
This was great. It really struck me emotionally and i could relate to it, which is a gift that you have.
wrote 111 days ago
I completely am in awe of this poem, the writing, imagery; it's all very dark, but also very positive. I couldn't be more inspired by this poem. Each line held something on its own. GREAT JOB!
wrote 117 days ago
Wow...this is great. It holds so much emotion. Great job! Love the second line. "Lost in my darkness again, same debts to pay..." And for some reason this reminds oddly of a Bible verse or hymn.
wrote 121 days ago
Great word choice, great topic, it's touching, it's beautiful, it's something we can all relate to. the only critique i can give is to work on your flow. The individual sentences flowed, but not the poem as a whole. Other than that, it's amazing. It's deep and insightful, and really, there's not too much I can say that hasn't already been said. great job. (: It's very real.
wrote 138 days ago
This was absoultely amazing. The line "I repair other's lives, while I lay bent and broken" describes my life. It had a great flow. I loved it.
wrote 143 days ago
I luffff this.
wrote 145 days ago
Wow. I think this is one of the first poems on here thats really left me speechless. This is amazing. So raw, and real, and true. The words were perfect, the flow was great as was the rhyming. Beautiful job.
wrote 147 days ago
Wow, this just leaves me speechless. This shows exactly what a true, caring person would feel when life has run them down. Your descriptions were breathtaking, and the content just blew my mind away. Amazing job.
wrote 149 days ago
Speechless... I LOVE it. *Neicy*P:S- Did I mention I loved it? I really do.
wrote 155 days ago
I really liked this poem. I usually don't like poems that rhyme, because to me they don't seem as deep, but this one is an exception. "Content to fall behind, yet striving to rise above." I love this line. It seems like this person is so sure they will never succeed, never find happiness or love, that they are almost greeting a future of pain and depression. Great work:)
wrote 161 days ago
Phenominal. I love this poem. Using comparisons throughout the whole work really made this sooo much more powerful. This is going on my pick list!Great job! Keep it up
wrote 163 days ago
Wow, this poem is filled with such sad emotion. This narrator is so broken, so hopeless. I like the contrast between her and the others. While the others are heading towards a more positive life, the narrator is heading in the opposite direction. My favorite line has to be “My wings wilt before me while my foundation is crumbling” b/c the image is so powerful. Maybe my view is not right, but I imagine this line as an angel statue, becoming broken, worn away. Awesome job :)
wrote 164 days ago
This is so incredible. The narrator is so lost it breaks my heart. The symbolism of the mask is perfect. So many people are where your character is, unsure of who they are. But sadly they put up a front, more concerned about what others think of them. Bravo! I don't have any picks open until tomorrow, but I will be back to pick this. I can see this making it to the top 5 quickly. Great writing. ~Diane
wrote 165 days ago
Wow , the words rose up and greet me in the flesh , literally . So much rich emotion described in just words , amazes me completly . The smooth , liquid flow of the words slip off my tongue like polished silver . The perfect blend and placement of the sentences , caresses my eyes as though the words are made of velvet .I love the line , " Seething with so much hatred , yet bursting with love " , it completly describs the two clashing emotions that people sometimes face in moments of uncertainy . A beautifully written piece . Great job , keep it up ! :)
wrote 169 days ago
omfg. definitly one of the best poems I have ever read. you connect so well and it's so deep. sacraficing yourself for others, i feel like this sometimes. incredible!
wrote 170 days ago
This. Is. Absolutely. Bloody. Brilliant. This. This is the best poem on inkpop. I have never been more blown away by poetry. You've mastered to capture the sheer agony of something created, something inhuman and sentinent, caught up in its unquenchable hunger for pure humanity. Like...damn. That's something that published science fiction books can't even get. And just... hell, just the symbolism behind this, it's just so complex....This will be the first poem that I've ever picked on inkpop. XD You deserve it. Amazing amazing amazing amazing!
wrote 171 days ago
I Like It.That's It
wrote 186 days ago
I really enjoyed this poem. The light and shade. The showing of self sacrifice but in a unique way. I particular liked the line I help them espace their demons, while I am mained by their claws.I think a lot of teens would relate to these feelings. Will be putting on my picks next rotate.
wrote 190 days ago
wow, I think I've read this before, but I'm glad I read it again.Really Really good.Just the message I needed today in particular,Excellent job
wrote 195 days ago
This is amazing. are you a pro? I don't even know what to say. I want to comment but there are no words to describe what I'm feeling, or what I think of this! My goodness! Very relatable also. I dunno what else to say, besides this is indescribable.WRITE ON:)
wrote 198 days ago
wowww you have a real talent !!!!
wrote 199 days ago
Wow. This poem stuck to me, and kind of gave me goosebumps. Phenomenal job. I was waiting to find one last amazing piece to put on my picks. I believe I found it.
wrote 200 days ago
my favorite lines are i help them escape their demons, while i am maimed by their claws--brilliant! truly shows the human spirit's complexities.
wrote 204 days ago
I am awestruck. This is amazingly amazing. I am astounded that this isn't in the top 5 yet. It is so beautiful and emotional and I love it. I'm just...wow. Phenomenal job. I'm adding this to my picks.
wrote 205 days ago
This was wonderful! Great theme, great rhyme and rhythm! I loved it. My only criticism (and it could just be me) is that in line 6 i think there may be a missing comma between the words "myself" and "afraid"; and in line 11 i think there may also be a missing comma between "here" and "only." It messes up the rhythm a bit if you read it aloud.
wrote 211 days ago
this was magnificent.everything you wrote,every rhyme, every word it really touched me.i felt as if i was right there feeling exactly how you were. i am going to add you to my picks
wrote 215 days ago
This was so poignantly beautiful. The emotions, the imagery...and how you tied it all together into a poem was just fantastic. This line really stuck with me: "I help them escape their demons, while I'm maimed by their claws." -- everything you spoke of and describe seemed to strike me to the deepest interval, and trust me, that's hard to do. I'll hopefully be adding you to my pick's next month.You've got some talent.
wrote 220 days ago
Beautiful writing, very vivid. I love the words, the message, everything about it. Great job!
wrote 223 days ago
"I move and breathe, but am I still alive?" That got me. So sharp and so beautiful. I can really feel the emotion in here.
wrote 224 days ago
“The mask held up so well, happiness is fun faking”---ooo, I liked this“the mask is breaking”---good“In my mind I hear the screams and feel the bars”---wow! This was great!“I’m locked away inside myself afraid to show these scars”---wow, now, this … is awesome“My wings wilt before me while my foundation is crumbling”---really nice“I speak of hope, yet I haven’t dreamed in so long”----yeah! This was awesome!“I repair other’s lives, while I lay bent and broken”---love this“I brighten other’s spirits, while mine grows dim”---good“An almost human tool”—nice“But since I don’t know what that is, I guess I’ll never be free”----this line says it all!!!!Wow! That last line ... bravo! But the thing is, that last line wouldn't have meant so much if you hadn'tportrayed the rest of the poem so nicely ... a perfect build to the message. Well done! ~Morgan:)
Amazing poem! :)
wrote 225 days ago
I love the last line!This is such a sad poem. But, the cool thing about it, many people can connect! Helping others is such a kind thing to do, and I love doing it too. But what happens when you don't get the help in return? Such a sad Earth we live on.You have a rich vocabulary, mainly with the verbs telling us everything and anything we need to know about the narrator and what is trying to be said. The description of this poem is superb too! It just drew me in to check it out, and then the emotions of it all made me feel sad and kind of happy at the same time. I don't know how that works.Very good job! I'm definitely picking this :)
wrote 227 days ago
This is wonderful, emotive writing. Your imagery is evocative and drew me in quickly. Your attention to language (use of strong verbs rather than limp adverbs, for example) shows that you care what you're doing and how your writing makes an impression in your readers' mind. Great job! On my picklist with pleasure. Cheers, MJ - The Dark Light of November
wrote 231 days ago
this is amazing, i really love this, its makes sence,and i can relate to it,if you feel this way im sorry...
wrote 234 days ago
If I didn't know your age, I'd think the second half was written by a woman lamenting the way she's sacrificed her hopes and dreams for her family, going out of her way to support them and help them grow, but in the process she's lost herself. Motherhood is often a thankless job, which you'll probably find out some day down the line. Even though you didn't have that in mind when you wrote this, it resonated with me on that level. I think you have a wider audience that you know. Nice work.
wrote 238 days ago
I love the way you express yourself in this poem (either you or your 'character'). There is so much thought, so much emotion, and your rhyme scheme seems all but flawless. This is truly something worth reading; it is such a great write. =]
wrote 250 days ago
wow i love it! its beautifully written!
wrote 253 days ago
I like the verbs you use. I feel like my work uses just run of the mill verbs. I really like "wings wilted" that is a fantastic image. But ... yeah as I reread it.... Your word choice is awesome... Maimed... Wilted...Craving:P
wrote 254 days ago
i love the last two lines.. it just helps pull together everything the rest of the poem was saying.. the poem just flows together amazingly.. Great great great job!
Hiya. I saw that safs recommended this on the pay it forward thread, so I wanted to check it out. I'm not disappointed! At first I was wary of the rhyming couplets, but I was soon completely absorbed. Such a brilliant portrayal of a martyr complex--is that what you intended? I like how every other line is bold; it's a visual representation of the battling sides of oneself. A hearty BRAVO to you!
wrote 256 days ago
Skill. That was one of the best poems I've ever read!
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