HarperCollins

wrote

The premise you've created is captivating and the idea of this immortal world of Venaltra is bewitching. The juxtaposition of Myress, Lana and their circle versus the Crimsons and their coven, of immortals thrust into a mortal setting is one that is immediately engaging--from the mundane world of high school to the enchanting aspects of the stunning Crimson Manor and the mysteries of the wood to the mesmerizing violet eyes--all of these details are excellent. I also found the way in which you illustrated these differences to be very clever--the foreign nature of pizza, how Ember mysteriously speaks many languages, etc. Also, the uncovering of the Ciotti Family Murders as an entry into Myress's discovery of the vampires is a great device as well.

I like the way in which you introduce hints about Venaltra via Myress's visions and feel it's a clever tool, but it seems that those whom she's let in on her secret seems a little too accepting of Myress's special abilities--wouldn't there have been more questions asked about this early on, beyond a few visits to the psychologist? And once Myress learns of the true nature of the Crimsons, she seems to accept this world too readily. Wouldn't she be more wary of these people after the dramatic altercation between Austin and Lex, and her first sighting of the glowing hands, despite her affection for Ezra? I do love the romantic element you've brought in between Myress and Ezra, and think you might even play it up further.

I appreciate the way in which you alternate voices in your narration between Myress and Shadow, yet I think your transitions between voices could be smoother, as the shift between Shadow and Myress needs to happen more fluidly. Currently Myress appears to be the stronger narrator. With Myra's voice you are able to allow the story to unfold more organically, where Shadow's voice doesn't seem quite as defined. Also, when the powers of the vampires and other residents of Venaltra are unveiled, it seem that you rely too heavily on explaining directly what these powers are, on telling rather than showing. You quite often use discussion among the vampires in order to establish the back story and their mission, but I worry that this hampers the flow of the narrative and prevents the reader from directly engaging in the action. And because there are so many kinds of vampires and other beings, their abilities and various powers become a bit muddled. Teleportation and telepathy, glowing hands, etc--I think you might want to simplify some of these and clarify for us further who does what.

You have taken on the complex task of building an entirely new universe, and thus I think there are a number of threads that still need connecting. For instance, I still have a number of questions with regard to the mechanics of Venaltra--why are the human guardians to the gates necessary? I understand that the immortals are worried about protecting Venaltra and that the secrets are sacred, but why are these humans willing to coexist and mingle with the immortals without giving away their secrets? Is it simply because they are destined for the role?

You've done a fine job of weaving an intricate plot filled with rich material and characters, and now I think you need to work to further hone and simplify the overall arc, and go in deeper to better clarify the characters' motivations. These themes are powerful and Myress's conflict is truly gripping--good luck as you continue fleshing out this incredible world!

YourSorrowCause

wrote 16 days ago

I read chapter one, and two.
AMAZING! I really, it is. I haven't seen anything like this is a long time.
I'm not into paranormal (as you can see of my profile) But I don't think that even fit this at all.
Even with that fact this is seeing things, I feel it had a different touch. Much more Sci-Fi then paranormal. But that's just me (:
Like your writing style, and it gave us a nice touch when you switched who was talking. I didn't get bored so fast. :)

GirlWithASecret

wrote 20 days ago

I have started to read Jaded, and read this one yesterday. I picked both of them. AMAZING STORIES!!!!!!

CriticsWeAre

wrote 35 days ago

This story is great, although there are quite a few mistakes (ex. when you are saying a list of people and then you mention your self it needs to be me "Do you want to go to the store with George, Sydney and me? (not I)" if you have trouble with remembering, just take out the other people in the sentence and read it like you would say it, so you know whether to use me or i. But other than that I though the story was great, it kept my attention, and it makes both worlds seem so real! Are you going to make a sequel?

MonsterGirl

wrote 36 days ago

I just noticed that in your premise, you say "when" a lot. You might want to put some variation in.
Myress is a very interesting character with some interesting traits. I liked that you put her visions in right away rather than putting them later in later and building up to them. That's a mistake that a lot of writers make - think it adds suspense? - no it doesn't.
I love her name by the way - it's interesting but still easy to pronounce :D
I think it's just a LITTLE cheesy that you named your, if you will, secondary heroine Shadow. It made sound just awesome to everyone else but kind of cheesy for me. I would've chose something else but don't pay attention to me. Sometimes I hate being honest sometimes and I hope it doesn't hurt your feelings D:
But anyway, I did my best to help!
Annie
P.S. This is a free read - no strings attached :D

Toni Mobley

wrote 72 days ago

please tell me if there is a squeal to this... this is amazing you did great!!! please write more

Absylum

wrote 74 days ago

Thats awesome, your a great writer. keep up your good work! ugh.. i sounded like a teacher. anyway good luck.

Jannette Fuller

wrote 94 days ago

Hi there. I was online last night and added this to my *Watch List* I just now got done reading Chapter one. I knew I would not be dissappointed when I read the synopsis for your story. It will take me awhile to read your book so bare with me, I'm also in the process of finishing my first novel. I have my *Pick lIst* full at this time, but plan to put your book on there very soon. I look forward to see what happens next with Myress and Lana. ~Jannette~

squid4852

wrote 95 days ago

This book was so good you did a good job on it i couldn't stop reading it i was addicted to it is there a sequal?

Nadine Wolf

wrote 122 days ago

Good reading material. Keep up the good work. I think the more you write the better you are to creative thinking.

Lillian Sweetos

wrote 122 days ago

I love it espechally the uncover of the family murdaers

19clover94

wrote 123 days ago

ok first off i love this story!!! im on chapter 14 and ii dont mean to be rude or anything im just letting u no i saw a spelling error when u wrote "She doesnt even know how to get therw the gets yet" i think u ment "gates"

Sam Glass

wrote 124 days ago

This is really interesting. I'm always cautious with first person reads, but you did it well. You allow some more personality to flow into it using the perspective as a tool, which is something I find quite enjoyable.

There are some spelling an gramatical things. For instance, "he has been besides me." The s, I think, is a typo.

Narnia Fan

wrote 124 days ago

This is a really interesting start! I love Lana and Caleb. I don't have the time right now, but I'll DEFINITELY be back for more! Great work! :)

cillabeth

wrote 127 days ago

for the swap..
i like how you made the time--like it's happening right before you. however, from the first chapter i noticed a couple times you jumbled it up. EG: "she [unscrews] the cap and [took] a big long sip of it."
the names are a little odd, but i like them. :} sometimes, though, it may get overwhelming and seem unrealistic to have EVERYONE have names like that. what i mean to say is that the main character and other characters that are, well, mingling with "otherworldly" things should have names like that, i think, but then the regular high schoolers should have names that reflect on everyday life, as so we can really get the feeling if we're in our own high school or in another world. i hope you get what i mean by this and i'm not trying to be nit-picky, but that's just how i see it. :}
i like lana's character a lot. she reminds me of my friend. xD

dismal1

wrote 127 days ago

Hey there

I find your story really engrossing and Myress a believable teenager. However, I think you should be more complex when writing about the characters. For example, Caleb is one of Myress friends but I can't picture them engaging in a conversation because I don't know how he looks.
There are a few grammatical errors too.
Besides that, your story is simply amazing.
Hams

Britt Ludington

wrote 128 days ago

Hi Jess,
I've read 7 chapters of your book Into the Woods. I love it so far. It's full of action and adventure and some hinting romance.
I love your characters. You are very talented with creating characters that capture your heart. My favorite character is the main character Myress, I adore that name. I would love to know your secret of coming up with creative names. I also like how Shadow seems to control the Crimsons. All she has to do is look at her fellow family members and they listen to her. I like how mysterious you made her, like she is untouchable by everything and everybody. I love her little sisters Nicola's pride and gentle nature even when she is facing the schools queen bee Mayhen( I did not get a chance to check the spelling). Nicola isn't a bit scared. But you create a character that is automatically hated. Myress and her sister Kristen remind me of my relationship that I have with my sister who cares way to much about being popular and sociable to everyone.

I love supernatural items. I love the visions that Myress has. How the woods are different or she knows Shadow and has seen her before? I love the Violet eyes that change hues when Shadow's mood changes.

I so far love the Plot, I feel it is about a girl is just discovering who she really is and how important she is to this new world that she never knew about before.

hawksfreak19

wrote 129 days ago

this sounds amazing
i liked the prologue very much
and i want to know more about the new kids

Firebomber911

wrote 130 days ago

This...book, although masterpiece is more suited for it, is amazing in almost every aspect. I hardly saw a grammar mistake anywhere, a spelling mistake anywhere, and the storyline was quite good. But the top 2 things about this were that: A: you didn't just have the little sister taken after barely a half-page with her in it, like some authors do, but instead endeared the little sister to the reader, making it seem more of a choice, as said, between the fantasy world, and the sister. Also, the only problem is: The vampires are a bit...too...hmmm, involved, I guess. The problem is that there's a bit TOO much (And I LOVE discription) talk on what their powers are, and it slightly hampers the storyline. If you could clear that up a bit, it would make it a bit better. Other then that, great story.
-James Firsword/ Connor

Britt Ludington

wrote 131 days ago

I read the first three chapters and I am hooked to your book. It's amazing. The characters are amazing. The setting is amazing. haha.

mudgirl

wrote 133 days ago

I really love this book! It is truly gripping and very descriptive. A very captivating story!

dreamerofbooks

wrote 135 days ago

good job

heartdamoose

wrote 137 days ago

This is for our swap:

I'm really liking this. The mysterious new characters, the mysterious visions, the realistic characters. You've created a very interesting plot with gripping ideas and a smooth explanation and description of these ideas. Really the most addicting part of this story is the addictive teen high-school atmosphere and its accompany guilty pleasures coupled with your mysteries. Very very nice!

One thing to work on would be adding variety to your sentence beginnings. You tend to begin most of your sentences with nouns. "She walked down the street", "Lex grinned", etc etc etc. Start with an adverb, verb, or even an adjective. Most importantly, add variety, never repetition.

Thanks for the read! I hope you like, The Guardian.

Hyperchick305

wrote 140 days ago

Nice job, Jess. I like it a lot and will continue to read more!

inkismyblood

wrote 140 days ago

It was good, relateable, but there were some grammatical errors when you were describing Lana's outfit for that day. I didn't find too much wrong with it actually. I liked how you start out slow, but end the chapter with some thing interesting, kept me wanting to read more!

EscapingMyImagination

wrote 142 days ago

Only read to the first chapter, but it has my attention. I couldn't see any grammar problems in it. I like the character's name too, Myress, where did you come up with that? (I used to be so good at making up names (though now they are apearing everywhere lol)). I also like that Myress is pshycic or is it clairvoyant. And i'm anxious too see who the new kids are. good way to start out the book. Thumbs up and is going on my watch list for future readage.

evermore

wrote 142 days ago

1) you have some grammer mistakes
2)I love how the first chapter is gripping, kinda like it draws u in
3)killer the unicorn???
4)nice job keep it up

Britt Ludington

wrote 142 days ago

Hi Jess. I have started to read your book Into the Woods. I love the name and the picture by the way. Its gets the reader attracted to the book and makes them want to open it up. I have never before done a critique but I'll try my best. I have only gotten through the first chapter. I really enjoyed it really. It was amazing. I love reading from other talented writers because then I can compare what you do to what I do. We are very different. You are much better at writing. But anyway I love your book. I like your characters they are interesting with cool names. I always have the most difficult time coming up with names for my characters. Anyway, I enjoy your book. I think you are an amazing author/ Keep up the good work. Sorry I am not the best with grammer. So I won't put anything into that. I don't understand a lot of things when it comes to writing. But I love to write isn't that ironic. So please read my book when I get more chapters up there.
Brittney Ludington

xxTokyoxx

wrote 143 days ago

I read the prologue and the first chapter. I did not see any mistakes in the prologue which was good. It was interesting to read that and I think you did a good job. It was sad though that she was leaving home and I found myself wondering what she did to her family? Why would she leave home because of it? Great Job adding mystery to start off with. You could probably combine some of your sentences.

When you said ''But Lanaaaaaa'' you should just put Lana because you shouldn't spread out all the words. It makes it look tacky.

When you put We watch one of the other girls that live on our street take a seat on the bench next to us you should have lives.

Caleb turns to face his neighbor in the seat in front of him;they go back to talking about some sports team that lost last night-I think you should have Caleb turns to face his neighbor in the seat in front of him. They go back to talking about some sports team that lost last night.

The first chapter was good. I liked your descriptions and you really are great at writing. I would just be careful on having too much detail and maybe balancing every thing out and not telling everything in the first chapter. I loved the ending. It left suspense and mystery.

Mrs.Darcy

wrote 143 days ago

wow! I loved the beginning.So compelling and captivates you b/c of the words.It makes you WANT to know what happens.Also,I like Lana b/c her personality reflects a bit of me in it. :)

Pen-Paper-Insanity

wrote 144 days ago

Pen-Paper-Insanity

wrote 145 days ago

xxCoUrTxx99

wrote 145 days ago

okay soo i have finally decided to read this and its great. you have really nice writing, i saw some mistakes here and there, but they can easily be fixed. one thing i would like to point out is that in chapter 37 Nicola says "another person has been badly hurt because of Katrina and Ricardo.." isnt it Daniel and Ricardo? You mix them up in a few places i have notice, but thats the only thing i would have to say. Its really good and i couldnt stop reading it. :)

Tegan G.

wrote 147 days ago

I am on chapter 41 and absolutely loving all of it!! Keep up the great work!

Kenna-n-Mandi

wrote 148 days ago

Killer the Unicorn. That made me laugh. Nice job with it, Jess <3

Kenna-n-Mandi

wrote 148 days ago

Love it Jess.

Melissa1996

wrote 151 days ago

alicynne

wrote 151 days ago

update pleasse!

Savannah Williams

wrote 154 days ago

this book is so interesting! i read a little of it and it has me hooked! there r some things you should clarify though like veneltra and more of when shadows telling the story.

Dylan Cullen

wrote 155 days ago

You had 799 comments on this and it bothered me. So there you go, here's number 800. :)

drsheridan

wrote 155 days ago

i'm not a vampire-book person, but this is so well-written. it's not shocking at all that it made it to the top picks, you're so talented. i like the description of Lana in the beginning as being both a tomboy and a Goth. i know a few people like that.
great job, and i hope this gets published someday!

drsheridan
The Roses of Cooraclare

Breanana

wrote 156 days ago

I'm not very far yet but so far you have me hooked. your writing is amazing! keep writing!

IntoTheWoods

wrote 156 days ago

Also: For those who are going to need some more Venaltra-fix until Into the Web or Into the Ice is up as a book,
Send me an email at xomusicluvaa@aol.com asking to see either the prologue for Into the Web or the first chapter of Into the Ice.

Lycanthrope

wrote 156 days ago

OMG, WOOT FOR TWO CHAPTERS IN TWO DAYS!

What! This cant be the almost-end. Well, I knew it was close, but... I dont want it to end yet XD. This is awesome- it should have no prob getting published.

IntoTheWoods

wrote 157 days ago

Guys, the next chapter I post WILL be the very last chapter of Into the Woods.
I should be posting it either tommorow or Thursday, so look for it :D

Abbie Spittle

wrote 157 days ago

darkly inticing, well done :)

Abbie Spittle

wrote 157 days ago

darkly inticing, well done :)

Lycanthrope

wrote 157 days ago

0_0
Good greif, you're good at this torment the reader thing. I never would have guessed the ability to be a guardian would be hereditary. Katrina and Lana will make good guardians, I think. Provided Katrina doesnt find another DTEF. Something tells me Myress isnt going to want to go to Venaltra.

alicynne

wrote 159 days ago

ahh update please! [:

Char Marie Adles

wrote 160 days ago

i love how you use your words. It drew me in and kept me wanting more. Good job.

skybird

wrote 160 days ago

Chapter Two!

First, I just have to say, I agree with hotchilly-I'm pretty anal about grammar, and there are a few spots that could use some cleaning up. Other than that, I like the way your story is going so far. You're keeping a quick pace, which is nice, especially when reading this on a Friday afternoon, when my body is telling me that I should be taking a nap. I'm a little intimidated by the 47 chapters, but also excited! I hate cliffhangers.
One last note-be careful not to make your characters too one-dimensional. I mean, yes, there are bitchy cheerleaders at every school, but don't make that the only thing about them. Let Myress' sister be a little deeper than her layer of pink lip gloss. You're doing a good job of adding in things with some of your characters, but others are a little bit flat right now.
Don't get me wrong, by the way; I love the story. Just adding in things that I noticed. Great job so far! On my picks for sure.