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Rank 1735 (-21)
Word Count
555
Date submitted
01.08.2010
Date Updated
02.07.2010
by G.J. Velez
Poem
God and Satan stop by my house for pie!
A poem in a Cantebury style about a faithfull afternoon were God and Satan stop by to eat some pie and have some not so light conversation.
On 2 Pick Lists
On 1 Watch Lists
11 Comments
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wrote 21 days ago
Okay, first of all, your concept for this piece is unique & funny, but your writing style is so delicately crafted & carefully worded, it turns it into something else completely. I really love this piece, it’s magnificent…You have great rhythm,/rhyme throughout this piece, & you manage to incorporate humor throughout. I too love the line “my hand does not cross that delicate line.”Wow: “But you see at the time I was most distraught for Satan left our sky”“But as free creatures, it’s your…” I really love the lesson the narrator gets from this conversation, it’s very unique & somewhat unlike principles I know from other religions. I love the ending-very cute. Going to add this to my picks… I just can’t describe why I like this poem so much, aside from your flowing language, humor and uniqueness. FANTASTIC JOB.
wrote 171 days ago
This is very interesting and very clever! I saw a few minor mistakes, but nothing major. Great work again!!
wrote 183 days ago
Very 'Paradise Lost' in a way. I can see that you are really creative. God bless,...,
wrote 189 days ago
Smart take. Very true also. A wonderful display of the truth and trials of free will. I'd rather have a God I need that wants me than a God who needs me that I want. Great work. Peace KB
wrote 198 days ago
wow thats really good...loved it!!!
This was a great poem. It is a very clever concept, having God and the devil for tea to ask them there reasons for things. It caught me right away. It flows beautifully, and all of the end words for each word sound like the same rhyme, which is interesting. I did see a lot of spelling errors, like "whille" instead of "while" and "aple" instead of "apple". Also, you might want to put quotes around the lines of dialouge within the poem so that the reader knows that someone is speaking. Other than those thing, this is wonderfully written and so original. Great job.
this was so intresting, i never really read a poem like this...it was funny but serios at the same time, very good work indeed
I really enjoyed this. I love the fippant friendly style. "Theres a party at pandemonium at nine" Fantastic and funny.Couple of typos, I'm not sure you want them pointed out, but I like it when people point them out to me."chery pie" - Cherry pie"Aparently" - Apparently"Expireience" - ExperienceI really enjoyed this.Well done.Leigh
wrote 199 days ago
You kept it so light and upbeat, and yet there is s many serious answers in this. It was really well written I love it! As soon as I can I'll add it to my picks! Check over though, cuz I noticed some typos.
wrote 202 days ago
I loved the idea of sitting and eating tea and pie with Satan and God- really creative! Your poem was really well thought out, but at first I thought it was funny that you had written about God and *Santa* oh well, I apologize for the confusion, it made much more sense after I overcame my dislexic moment and realized that you meant Satan! As before, your work really made me think X
wrote 204 days ago
"Luckily the conversation was light"---love this"My hand does not cross that delicate line"---great!!!"Well would you look at the time"---hah!!! So funny!!!"thank you oh so very much for the tea and pie"---aren't you so witty?!?!?This piece is incredible, so original, fun, and clever ... well done! ~Morgan :)
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