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Rank 4
Word Count
38854
Date submitted
01.26.2010
Date Updated
09.09.2010
by Broadway Baby
Book: General Fiction
How far would you go to keep a secret?
Maddie Ross is an expert in hiding things. She helps her mother, a French opera singer with a penchant for running nude through Central Park, hide her mental illness from the elite of New York's Upper East Side. When she finally falls in with a group of friends she trusts, Maddie ends up facing the very thing she hoped most to avoid.
On 124 Pick Lists
On 190 Watch Lists
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wrote 72 days ago
I don’t know what to say, to be honest. This is one of the first times that I’ve completely lost myself in a story on inkpop. I came into it grudgingly, to fulfill another swap, aiming to read a few chapters and just get it over with. I realized a couple of chapters in that I had already read the first chapters for a previous swap (about 4 months ago, I think), but I had forgotten most of it, so I just reread them.The more that I read, the more involved I became. Maddie was wonderfully selfish and spoiled and so much like her mother. I loved how she slowly came to that realization, how similar she really was to her mother, and how the family dynamics shifted throughout the book. I honestly loved almost everything about this book, from Helene’s inherent French-ness to each of the supporting characters that you added on. I have never read anything that remains so true to the human condition on inkpop. It cast the sort of spell that I haven’t been under in ages, published books and inkpop novels alike. I think what attracted me at first was New York itself, because of how much I love that city. I really liked Maddie’s observation of the subway, and her experience in both extremes. However, what makes this novel so fantastic are the characters. It is an extremely character-driven story, and I don’t find myself resenting the fact that the plot is trumped by characters. They are each so engaging in their own way, and you manage to make each important, with a vibrant human presence, without being overwhelming. That’s why I became so involved in Maddie’s life, because I could feel that tangible spirit in each and every person, from the doorman to Maddie herself. I could interact with them the way that I would with any other person that I would meet, and they all had strong characteristics and personalities that were predictable, like people are, but always with the capacity to surprise.One of my favorite parts was after Susannah was taken to the police station and Zeke and Maddie were left to wait in her apartment. Zeke shows Maddie some of Susannah’s paintings… That part? Yeah, I don’t know why I liked it so much, but it was just the essence of why I love this story. It was real, unique in a way that only real people and real experiences can form. It spoke to me, secret things that you don’t show other people, the fact that she was usually high when she painted them, the fact that Zeke seems to know everything about her… It was perfect, honestly.Maddie’s growth is another thing that I love about this story. Especially in her short escapade with Dex, I was growing frustrated with Maddie’s selfishness and desperation. All I could think of was that she was acting exactly like her mother, and why couldn’t she see what was going on? When Susie told her about her own bipolar disorder, and Maddie’s reaction… That was excellent. It opened up a connection to Maddie, a path that I could explore and finally discover some of her motivations with. I just can’t get over how real she is. Everything that she did completely made sense, when you take into account her home life and experience, and I haven’t seen an ability to always connect motivation and action like that on inkpop.You were also so knowledgeable about Maddie’s world that I wouldn’t be surprised if this were a veiled autobiography. There were so many rich details, but they weren’t overwhelming. They were simply always there in the background, there to be picked up on if Maddie was being astute, just like it is in the world that we live in. You never had purple prose or stark noun-verb sentences in quick succession, yet it was elegant in a way that I will never be able to write. There were just a few things that you probably overlooked, like incomplete sentences or missing words, but whenever you edit you’ll pick them up and fix them accordingly.Brava, bravisimo! I wish I could take characterization lessons from you. I already picked it whenever I last read this, but I’ll put it on my picks again just so that everyone can see it.Tell me when this hits bookstores, yeah? I’d love to own a copy.Dain
wrote 138 days ago
Oh. My. Goodness. I just finished your book. I started it this morning. I have no idea where to start. I must keep this comment relatively short, for fear of it going on forever in praise. I'll start with characters. Each of your characters were unique and distinct. And they are all consistent in their ways, or change accordingly. On Maddie's family, her mother was fabulous! She was so damaged and so crazy, yet so manipulative and coy. She reminisced so much the present didn't matter to her. Her father was subdued and hard to reach. Basically all you knew about him was that he was rich and was cheating on his wife. LouLou was also great. She was so fragile and just wanted to ignore her mother and be happy. Jackie was this strong mother figure, she connected with Maddie so well, but along the plot line, she starts to show that although she is strong and slightly vicious, she is increasingly loyal to Helene. Susannah's crowd was that family's polar opposite. Susannah was very striking and surprising when you first met her, but turned out to be sweet and caring. Zeke was a obnoxious boyfriend, but he was so in love with Susie . . . their love was so accurate and so easy to relate with. Dex wasn't as mean as his brother, but he was kind. I feel like the only reason he existed in this story was to be a vessel for Maddie's experiences . . . love, sex and when the reader first finds that parallel to her mother. Everyone keeps telling Maddie she's a lot like her mother, but I didn't buy it until she tried to be impregnated by Dex. Now, Maddie. Her journey was so unexpected and moving. She starts out as this rich girl who although has more money than my family could dream of, she has it tough and has to deal with her mother's mood swings. As it progresses, she becomes more and more daring. She starts calling people out on things that they do, but nothing she says helps anybody. Then she meets Dex, and she becomes this loyal lover, although she still contributes nothing at home. Then she is truly awful and abandons her family for Dex, who she just manipulates (like her mother) and scares off. When she learns of the charges you finally see how truly weak she is. And then, after Susannah says she's bi polar, she finally grows a pair and helps her mother. It really was an amazing story. You deserve to be published more than those in the top five right now. Because not only is your story beautifully written, expertly crafted, it carries a point, a VERY clear point. Amazing. Just amazing.
wrote 53 minutes ago
I've read up to chapter eight and so far, I think it's interesting. I get why you're book is included in the top five. Okay, so on to the real comment. :)Title: Your title was, for me, very hooking. I think it captures the essence of the story. It's striking because it's just one word and yet it commands attention. If someone mentioned it to me in passing, I would have asked more about it. I would have definitely looked it up. But then, that's just me.Cover: I've seen the other covers and I think the one you have now isn't the best. Not that I want to seem rude or anything but the former covers seemed prettier and more professional-looking. I do get why used that one though (because of her mother[?]) so I guess it's fine. :/Pitch: The short pitch is nice and so is the long one but I don't think the latter is strong. I like the way it is written but I think it's lacking the fire of a truly drawing pitch. I suggest adding more but keep the enigma. It works for the story.Plot: Like I said, you've got a very intriguing plot line. The mother being mentally-unstable and the daughter who feels like she has to hide it. It's an interesting mix. And I think your writing style really complements it. The story flows well, with enough descriptions and characters who leave a mark. Speaking of which, I have to commend you for developing your characters. Very nice. :) I wish I could do that. Other: I didn't notice a lot of errors so kudos. Good luck!...Lots of l♥ve,Beatr!x
wrote 1 day ago
Well, this usual isn't a book I would read, but I really enjoy this one. Mrs. Ross kind of reminds me of my grandmother, they're both feeble and skinny and random thoughts pop into their heads at times. So far, there's nothing I don't like in your book. It's really good and I'll do my best to keep reading, however, I'll be busy with school so I might not have much time. Nonetheless, good job!--Laura
It's late, I am about to keel over, but I must say something first. I picked this having ONLY READ THE PROLOGUE. This is SO refreshing after the tsunami of cliche jargon I've read recently. "so you tuck in your elbows, make room for it at the table"--brilliant. Your imagery and metaphors sparkle. I cannot wait to read the rest of this, great job!
wrote 2 days ago
Goodness. Ok, I was only supposed to read the first chapter, but i got carried away...gar. I stopped myself on the second - Stephanie, you have to make a comment! - and here I am. Seriously, I am in awe. This is so freaking good. Maddie's face is compelling... She's not your typical goody-two-shoes type character, but I can still sympathetic to her. The characters all seem well-rounded and rich. You clearly did a lot of pre-work. :DIt all seems so realistic, really believable... and the first chapter is so brutally frank + honest it's addicting. To read on is just freaking COMPULSORY FOR ANY SANE PERSON. And your word choice rules. :DWill be picked for sure when space opens up,-Stephanie
wrote 6 days ago
to put it simply, i love this.it's unique, refreshing, and so vibrantly alive.i'm sorry i can't say much on it. i'm not much of a critiquer. but i know that sometimes, simple comments are best and they can mean something to.all i'm saying is, is that i would buy this without a doubt. it deserves to be published. it's a beautiful story with beautiful characters that speak and are alive. they are flesh and blood. they breathe. they need to be heard. long to be heard.fantastic. i mean it.
Once i started reading this, i swear i couldn't stop. i was reading it before school, and throughout the day, i kept wanting to open my computer and keep reading. every chapter was incredible. apart from a few typos, i couldn't find anything wrong. the plot is original, the characters are unique and varied, and every sentence gets the reader immersed deeper into the story. i really don't know what else to say about it. this most definitely deserves a spot in the top 5 (1st, preferably).
wrote 7 days ago
Hi! I "phantom picked" this (is that what y'all call it?), because I don't have the time to read more than the first part and comment on it. But I will be returning! This looks really interesting. I love the last line! Tanz
wrote 8 days ago
Hey, here for our swap! Congrats on making the top five!I didn't notice any grammatical issues, and the flow is so smooth! How many times have you edited this? Anywhoo, I think the mental mother is something that we see a lot in literature. However, you bring such a fresh, new perspective to this idea with a supporting family, and career. I love the half naked painting idea for the living room. It just seems like one of those completely quirky, insane things that will drive other people nuts. Overall, great job! I hope you make it to number one!
wrote 9 days ago
For our swap:The first chapter is great! Very descriptive and sets the plot up well, and makes me want to know more. I too have a book where the mother is mentally disabled, and someone once told me that that alone lures readers in. And here I am, proving that to be true!! Anyway, onto the rest of the story!I’m writing this as I read, so if I say something that sounds off, that’s why!Chapter 2: When you’re introducing LouLou, that would be a perfect time to give out some physical descriptions of her. And then you could compare her to Maddie or her mother. Like, “LouLou has bright green eyes like my mom, whereas mine are a nondescript grey.” Or something like that.Okay, see here is exactly what I mean. Now I read the part where you describe them in the way I suggested. Excellent :)I already love the characters you’ve developed. Especially the mom. She is incredibly interesting, thus making her family interesting. I would suggest you make LouLou and Maddie have more separate personalities. Right now they’re just kind of…there. And I don’t know any personality quirks that either of them might have. I mean, most likely you will be doing that within the next couple chapters, because these first ones were just about the mom…but if you don’t, then it’s something to think about.Chapter 3: How much older is LouLou than Maddie? I don’t think you ever said. All I know is that LouLou is seventeen, not how old Maddie is. I might have missed something though, so sorry if that is the case.You make it seem like their mom killed the nanny. I think she probably just hit her then fired her or she quit. But the way you have it kind of sounds like it was murder. Gasp!Anyway, so overall this is…AMAZING! Your writing style is awesome and the story you are telling is very interesting as well! I’m picking this for sure :)
wrote 10 days ago
I love your concluding paragraph in chapter 5. :) It's perfect.
wrote 11 days ago
Okay, so this is picked!
Saw your thread on the forums. This is so very close to being in the Top 5!! It would be a shame to waste all your time here! I really like this book!! Not on my picks atm, b/c I don't have any open space, but its fantastic!! Keep going!
wrote 13 days ago
Chapter 3: This sentence in the second-to-last paragraph doesn't quite make sense. Typo?"Every Christmas present I"ve ever gotten my mother has been [end], it will . . . ."
Swap:I've finished chapter 2, and I truly enjoy this. I love the unique story line and you built your characters perfectly. Your descriptions are not overdone, but I wouldn't say that they were lacking. It all seems very authentic and you're good with showing, not telling. I will pick this in September to make sure this stays in next months top five.
Wow! Your writing is very mature, and characters have strong foundations. You describe things well, and paint a vivid but not to vivid picture in my head as I read. I loved Maddie in the subway, the clash of classes there was nice. Each character is very engaging and captivating in there own way. You did an amazing job with such a general and broad plot line. Sometimes those can fall apart, but here you did a beautiful job. I really enjoyed seeing Maddie mature as the book progressed, she grew and made the reader think all this was realilty. If I didn't see the book genre, I would've thought it was a Autobiography. You have such a unique connection with the book and characters. Amazing job! Picked.~Ana
wrote 14 days ago
Swap for Confessions of an Optimistic Pessimist: Life, Love & Other Absurd Forces~The cover is interesting, the title makes the reader wonder what this story is about, and the short and long pitch really draws the reader in. :)Chapter 1~ I like what you have here! It’s short and captures the readers attention. Is it a chapter or a prologue? Either way I love it!Chapter 2~ Her mother is well written. Not too over the top that you would think “there character doesn’t resemble a real person” but not boring or average that the reader thinks “nothing seems wrong with her”. She dances on the thin line between sanity and lunacy. ~ I like LouLou and Maddie. They seem to try to do the best with their mother. ~ Poor, poor Jackie~ The portrait of Brigitte Bruyere sounds interestingOverall: I really like this story. It has an original concept, which always is always a plus, and it’s well written. I didn’t really pick up any mistakes. There were some areas that were a bit rough, but nothing to the extreme. This story is very good! I’m adding it to my watch list and then picking iy when I redo my pick list. Great job. :)~Ariana
wrote 15 days ago
Here for our swap:I swear I've seen this somewhere before. It's like a feeling of Deja Vu. Perhaps this is on Authonomy, the other site I visit from time to time. Or not. I don't know, it just feels like I've seen your name and this title before.I don't recognize the story, though, so perhaps not.Really, the only thing I would suggest is to cut your opening paragraphs in half. Just split 'em up into 2 paragraphs. Keeping the paragraphs small(-ish) is easier on the reader's eyes and is more likely to keep them reading.Can't find much else to comment on. Good work!
wrote 17 days ago
For our swap:First of all I straight up didn't like the prologue. It felt really unneeded and I think the flow would have been much better if it was scrapped completely and you just dived in with chapter 1. You don't need a preamble.I think the writing did really well to get into the head of the child, and her narrative voice really got into that perspective of the world. In a really sweet, charming way. The mother was fine and built on enough insecurities - loved the whole French thing - to make both her and her illness believable, and I liked that her condition took a while to establish; which is again why you should just drop the prologue.I don't really know what else to say, you quite clearly know what you're doing with this. So I'll add you to my picks, as that would seem to be the most helpful things I could do.
Before I start reading I just wanted to say congratulations. From what I've seen from other comments you are a very talented writer.Nice pitches by the way, short and sweet, I like that.You're prologue is great, I love your comparisons, (-lows that bring you to your knees, flatten you with a rolling pin and cut you off from everyone around you) <--woo! .........and I don't think it is too short."I think he's embarrassed by the fact that he married a raving loon" <--love this line!Ok, so, you jump into the scene nicely right from the start, well done for that! You have a unique style of writing and that's hard to find in books sometimes. I can see everything in the room perfectly, when words become an image you know you've found a good writer. You achieved this for me, so for that reason I am going to pick your story. You have a good idea, a good mind for creating stories, and a worthy pick. Woohoo! Great styleaustello
Swap:I actually never read this that i can recall, maybe i did but for sure i didn't pick it na di will now. When i began this story i thought it was set in a past century and then i realized that it was current. I like the subject you used, mental issues are always an interesting subject. good characters, word flow excellent, overall fantastic. Picked asap.
wrote 18 days ago
Okay, I've read the prologue but to be honest it sounded like a blurb to be honest.I thought it was quite boring, nothing really there that hooked me onto it, to be honest I thought it was gonna be better as its ranking is so high. But to be honest it didn't really lure me in. It's a tad boring. The highs and low are a bit tedious.'...what is was like to be freedom', doesn't make sense to me, 'free' not 'freedom' sounds right although the fact that it slides in with the next sentence ending it nicely.I thought it was kinda unnecessary on some levels but on others I thought it was good. It’s an interesting way to start a book and a good way to get to the point that the mother has a problem although I would have liked to hear about the effect to the main character more, so that you connect with her earlier otherwise it feels like you’re dumping her in the middle, if that makes sense?Chapter one was more interesting although I think that the character of the mother, Mrs Ross, is very stereotypical French. I don't think that you can get anymore. But, I guess it adds to the character and the fact that Mr Ross wants to 'squeeze' all the French out of her. Robes and France? I never thought that they were connected. I know the tales of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty are French and they all were robes. Anyway, I'm rambling... :DAs I mentioned already, it just gets more stereotypical the further I read into it. Ending each sentence with 'no?' or 'yes?' isn't exactly necessary in my point of view.In that first part I didn't really find anything that really lured me in but the first chapter suckered me in better.A French Bulldog too, to be honest I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a poodle. The ‘doggy’ thing too kinda annoyed me.The description of the portrait was nice though, that was my favourite part with the detail you went into and the fact that you said you’d not want to meet that in the middle of the night. I thought the whole ‘Silent Movie’ thing was good though and added to the fact that the mother is so extravagant. This was my favourite part as I’ve already said.Overall I guess it was a bit of a disappointing start but it brought it back in the first chapter. You seem to have a good eye for detail and know how to describe something.Well done and good luck with reaching top spot, I see you’re almost there!OpenTheDoor :D
For our swap-(feel free to dissmiss!)What i liked-• Loved the characters! I could see them like they were right next to me!• Your description. It painted a picture in my head. It made me feel like i was looking at a picture.•The prologe. Genious. Gave us the back story we needed. What i disliked-• The prologe. I like it, but you should make it a little longer. • The cover. My personal opinion. But you cant judge a book by its cover. Overall- amazing. Flawless! Good job! I really think this will get published! At least i hope it does!♥kassie
S.W.A.P.The prologue was pretty good, and the first chapter starts off really well. You immediately set the scene and I can really imagine myself there in their house with them. Your a really good writer, and it's hard NOT to keep reading. This....is good. You've got something great going on here:D I'm going to put this in my watch list for now!!
wrote 19 days ago
Prologue: Amazing amazing amazing. So deep and thoughtful, with great imagery and descriptions. It sucks you right into the story.Chapter 1: This story is incredible! I can definitely see why it's seventh--it should be higher though! Your whole writing style is so sophisticated and advanced, better than many books. The plot line is interesting and fresh. Your characters are very alive and vibrant, easy to sympathize with. The mom's a total luny, who acts like a child--you pulled it off perfectly! And the dialogue is very smooth, flowing, and realistic, not choppy and awkward. This is awesome. When I have room it's going in my picks.
Thank you so much for your comment! It really made me think twice about what I should put in my book, and what I shouldn't. Okay, so back to your book. I personally don't like the cover, but hey, you can't judge a book by its cover, can you? =)WOW! Number 7 on the rank chart? Impressive.Love the last line in the first chapter, although I do recommend putting that last bit on a line all by itself. It will just make a better and more mysterious ending. Or maybe that's what I always do... =P"LouLou" eh? That's got to be one of the most strangest names I've ever seen in writing. Lol! =)Amazing second chapter. Really. One of the best introductions I have come across in inkpop. I could see everything you are describing so vividly, and clearly. And not a single grammar or spelling error? Wow. Simply wow. I'm really sorry that I couldn't give you any criticism. It's just not my fault you have edited this too well. =PPicked. (of course) as soon as I get a spot available. =DBest wishes! <3Rhose Whyte
Wow, I'm breathless with reading the first four chapters! This subject of Maddie's mother is really near and dear to my heart. My mother is Bipolar and growing up my five siblings and myself had to deal with the reeling highs and lows before she was sent away several times. You've really captured how kids deal with a parent who suffers from Bipolar. Even Maddie's fear of turning out like her mother was so realistic and something I can easily relate too. I love your descriptive, fast paced writing style and the way it easily leads in the reader. I don't have time to finish this today but I'm defiantely putting it on my watch list and shortly after that it'll definately have a prized spot on my pick list.
wrote 21 days ago
Return Swap :]Wow... this story is so... real. I mean I'm sure you probably get that a lot, or something along those lines, but the thing is that it seems to be so very in touch with reality. I read the first couple chapters and plan on doing some more reading later, but I feel like I'm very hesitant to put this away just because your characters are so strong relateable. I love all the extra details you add- no specifics some to mind right now, but I mean it like when you describe a scene or a person there's always something you add about them that makes them rememberable.A few things I'd like to point out is just how I remember at the beginning, just after the prologue it starts with "Hours after that". I mean here you had this great mind-boggling prologue that just captivates you from the very beginning, then that. I just feel like its not appropriate there, I feel like something needs to happen in those first few words so that your readers keep in the mindset of what's going on.This is going on my watch-list and then my pick list as soon as there's room. I can definitely see why this is ranked where it is, and I plan on finishing this later. Write on!
wrote 23 days ago
For the swap.I wasn't sure which project to comment on, I forgot. I'll just comment on this one. The title, pitch and picture are all very nice.This flows very well, I would not change anything.
wrote 24 days ago
This is a cool book- I was just looking for something to read, and this sounded cool, so I started reading it. I'm glad I did. I like how this is written; it is original and beautiful. You made a few spelling mistakes though- one is up in the second page, you put "attemps" instead of "attempts". But other than them it is error free. Will pick this when I open a spot. :D
Smashed sounds better in my opinion :3 it's short and leaves an impact! Anyways, I love this!! ♥ Picked this some time ago but never really commented. :> I love how Maddie is just like her mother and we see her character grow throughout the whole story! It's simple amazing *w* !!! She's full of imperfection that makes her the perfect character! :D Your story is unique too for not being too sugarcoated with happiness and stuff <33!!
You changed the title? I rather liked "Smashed"...
this is good. you have a great writing style. i dont see any errors at all. i love the way it just flows. i dont have room on my pick list right now, but this time tomorrow, remind me and i would be glad to add it. :)
wrote 28 days ago
Sorry it took so long for me to comment, but here’s what I noticed when I read: I adored your prologue. Simply adored it. There was a lot of information to take in, and at first I was thinking “Oh my gosh, please don’t be a ridiculously dull family history intro that goes on for twelve years, please, please, please” but to say the least I was very shocked to find out that it was not only detailed but engaging. You’ve done what many authors (published and not) are constantly trying to accomplish, you’ve developed a flawless hook. My favorite line was, like so many others, the very last one when we discover that this story is being narrated by the daughter of a mentally ill woman. Despite her illness, I find Helene a very engaging character. There’ s something about her that I find really interesting, she comes off as a very classy woman, very proper, and yet she’s so affectionate to her children that it’s just truly astounding. You’ve crafter her character so expertly that I could see this woman walking down the street, very stylish and poised. There are a couple things that I would have liked to see described a bit more, such as Helene’s battle with anorexia when she came to the United States. In your third chapter when you describe Helene on the window card of the production ‘La Traviata’, I found that this paragraph was really long. Not in the sense that there were too many details or long winded sentences, but the fact that there was so much there. I would suggest breaking it up into two or more paragraphs just because it’d be easier to read.Loved the nanny tidbit, I thought it was rather clever. I thought your usage of short sentences to describe how LouLou and Maddie felt about the nanny and how Helene felt made it really powerful and overall it was an exceptionally strong piece.Overall, this is such a powerful story. Your novel is really well crafted, strongly written and very engaging. All your characters have their own personalities, each one is distinguishable from the other and there’s no confusion about who’s who. I loved this, and although I only got up to the end of chapter five, I will be back to read the rest the second I have the time to. Picked!
wrote 29 days ago
For our swap.I've only read the prologue and the first chapter and I must say I am amazed by this. Your writing style is fluent and flawless, and the story, even though I'm not that far into it, is captivating.Hélène is an eccentric and amazing character. Adding the prologue to give us a brief back story is a wonderful idea, as it draws the reader in, suggesting there will be drama ahead.The family itself, with Maddie, LouLou, Jackie, and their father is unique yet I'm sure some readers can relate to it.I love how you put in little details about their life, for example, how Jackie has her pills with her coffee then leaves her breakfast and about the argument over the painting of Brigitte. It makes the story so much more real. A lot of effort must have gone into this.It's hard to describe but there's something magical about it. The story itself seems so eccentric and crazy, like Hélène. It sucks you in!I will most definitely be reading more and picking this. You deserve it! :)
wrote 31 days ago
Wow. My first impression of this story is a good one, and it is definatly something I would read on my own. the prolouge is interesting and informative. It seems already that you have a good grip on what your writing, and I honestly don't think there is anyway to make it better. I will reveiw again with more thoughts and opinions once I have the chance to read more of your novel.
Prologue: ~Straight from the prologue I can see the excellent writing. Despite all of Helene’s troubles, which are very well depicted by the way, the narrator’s voice is matter of fact about it and almost detached. It definitely sets up Maddie’s story since she, after all, is the MC.Chapter 1:~This story has caught me already. Right away the characters take shape. Especially Maddie’s voice as she talks about her French heritage, her name, and her family. The little comments and opinions all help shape her character.~Great description of the mother. The Garbo eyebrows, violet eyes, and Roman nose all create a picture of a real beauty. ~ “…boxy, harsh [language]…”~ “threatening suicide is a great way to get what you want.” The matter of fact way that Maddie says this and how it’s just casually slipped in is great. Little by little the picture of the mother gets fuller and fuller. ~Amazing first chapter. All the details and all the characters are so well thought out and aren’t like any characters I’ve read about recently. Chapter 2:~ “…her [attempts] to hide it…”~The mention of her mother cutting her wrists is so unexpected and jolts the reader back to attention. Again, I like how it’s not a big dramatic production. Just a simple sentence since this is what Maddie deals with a lot. ~Zoloft, Paxil, and Lithium. You can’t help but appreciate Maddie’s odd sense of humor.~ “LouLou and I loved her. Mom hit her with an iron.” Great line. ~ “She will love it, and she will love me.” That one line is so sad. A first bit of vulnerability from Maddie. Chapter 3:~Jackie is a great supporting character. She is a rock to help make this family work in its own way. ~ “blazing adolescent hell” well phrased~Maddie is right. This is the first time that she really shows significant emotion. There’s no definite plot line yet, but since the point of this story is to explore the relations within a family it works. The developments of the characters, like Maddie, can drive the story forward. Chapter 4:~ “…her [mouth] opened…”~The story is really picking up. I feel so bad for LouLou, but perhaps this will be the catalyst for the family to look more deeply at themselves. ~Is that a Great Gatsby reference?Originally I was only going to read to chapter 4, but I have to know what happens next.Chapter 5: ~ “You’re wrinkling the upholstery.” You really do a great job of showing and not telling~The reader is constantly learning new things. Maddie can sing? That is surprising, but exciting. Great read so far. So developed and well written. Picked for sure.
Interesting prologue, I really didn't expect the ending. I can see that Helene has a big role in the character's story.Chapter 1:violet eyes? Those are not real right?wow, you got the parents' personalities straightened out! I love the story. You created a plot that i haven't seen before, a story that revolves around the mother, and the way everyone deals with it seems so real. I like the description, and there are no errors i could find. Great so far, on my list :)
"Has been more patient with Mom that [I]." If you take out "have" it shortens it up and makes it easier to read.You do an incredible job of conveying the wobbly sanity that is their mother's. Just from the first chapter I am feeling the uncertainty that the girls have to live with everyday.RinProtected
I really love this, I'm flying by I'm already done with chapter 4. I think you're doing a great job. I take it the mom is still anorexic, I too struggle with a eating disorder among my mental illnesses, you definitely did you research! Black coffee was an excellent choice. The prologue was excellent I was intrigued right away which doesn't seem to happen on here too often. I'm going to have to pick this up and read more. I'm not even too Maddie getting diagnosed yet, but I'm glad that you are telling more about her mother. After the prologue I wanted to know more. I can't help but wonder why the dad stays with the mom though, is it because he truly loves her or something else? Is it because he feels bad for her? The kids act typical of those whose mother is insane. I’m glad you mentioned the other disorders too the mother struggles with because her being as nuts as she is, is definitely a combo of things not just the bipolar. At least I’m not that crazy, I don’t think. I need to read more, I’m more than likely going to finish this, so I’m adding it to my picks list. I really hope this gets into the top five before the month is out.
wrote 32 days ago
Swappp!Okay, so. After 400 some comments, I highly doubt I can say something that you haven't heard yet. You're ranked at number 7, for Christ's sakes; of course you're talented; of course your characters are unbelievably real; of course your writing is near flawless.But I do want to let you know you struck a nerve - a good nerve, mind you - with your dealings with bipolar disorder. A very dear friend of mine was, earlier this year, as close to killing herself as Helene because of bipolar disorder, and what you said about it - "I would not wish that on my worst enemy" - rang so true to me. I think everyone who's suffered from mood disorders, be it GAD, SAD, bipolar, or depression, can really relate to that. Anyone who has thought about killing him or herself knows that there is nothing worse in the universe than hating yourself that much. You're making this very real, and while it does bring back some painful memories of both my friend and myself, I can't give you much higher praise than to say you've made me remember how very grateful I am to be stable and happy. *raises glass of virtual wine* I toast to your success, m'dear. May this story touch as many people as deeply as it has touched me.Cheers.
wrote 33 days ago
For our swap- I read through to chapter eleven without stopping, and I'm writing this before continuing in case I get so totally engrossed I forget to comment and just read right to the end. I got completely sucked in from the prologue, which was written just perfectly; the writing style seemed distant, at arm's length from the read, and almost cold in a way, and the last paragraph where Maddie reveals herself to be the narrator is the perfect way to keep the reader hooked. Does she have the same illnesses as her mother? What is it like to live with her? There are so many questions that need to be answered, and you answer them little by little. I guess you could say that the prologue was a lot of telling and not telling, but I think that works well as an introduction to the story. The characters were the best part of the story. Maddie was an excellent protagonist, and I could really see inside her head. She was easy to relate to, likeable and she changed as the story went on. Characters are best like that: they should learn something at least. Her mother, LouLou, and the rest of the characters were all believable, three-dimensional, and each had their own story to tell. The dialogue between the characters was realistic and flowed well. I especially loved Zeke and Susannah; they seemed like a wonderful couple, and they were really just what Maddie needed. The pacing was excellent, and the plot and story itself was definitely something new. I've never read anything like it :DI can see why this is currently number 7, but why isn't it in the top 5 yet?! It definitely deserves to be this month. Picked!
wrote 34 days ago
I read up to chapter 6, and this book is addicting. I'm going to continue, but I wanted to comment before I get too sucked in. The plot and characters are very unique and well fleshed-out. This reads like a published book. Your descriptions are so vivid and well-written that you suck the reader into the world of the book. The characters are extremely well-developed through little details and their distinct voices. You set a great pace for the story to make it realistic. The dialogue and story are completely believable. The only grammar things I noticed were a few typos in the forms of a missing letter here or there and a few run-on sentences in the longer descriptions. Absolutely nothing to worry about or bother fixing anytime soon. I love the colorful language and structure variation you write with, you have a serious skill. I don't have one bad thing to say. Absolutely wonderful. Picked as soon as I can.
wrote 35 days ago
This is very well writen. prolouge got to me, but the first chapter lost me. i guess its not my type of thing, but it was well writen i say again. you have great imagry and grammar in this.
wrote 36 days ago
I just read the first three chapters and i love it! I think the way you did the first chapter is just stunning. It hooked me and I couldn't resist reading on. There's nothing for me to criticize so I'll continue saying what I liked. I thought that this is very unique and I haven't seen anything nearly close to this. The idea is just one of a kind and if I saw this in a book I'd definately buy it! I couldn't believe that when the mother was seventeen, she'd doodle on her hands and write her diagnoses. That one little sentence was just so powerful.Good job,CG Willis :)
wrote 37 days ago
The opening was brilliant. I loved the line later on that said, "Its no easy task to get the courage to walk past the portrait at night, since it often feels like Brigitte is staring across a century straight into your soul." The whole thing was absolutely stunning.
Right off the bat, I was thinking 'what secret? What is this secret that is so important that she must keep it? What is she trying to avoid? Must. Read. Now.' I congratulate you on making an interesting pitch. Those things are always tough to write for me, and for other people as well, but I enjoy finding ones that make a million questions run through the reader's mind.Helene Rose DuBois...I like that name. Not random/not human sounding, but not something you will see everyday either.I love how you describe the doctors.Sing opera? That's the first time I have ever heard of that being done instead of being taught harp/violin/piano/et ceteraThe last sentence of the prologue...it's just an amazing way to make the reader want to keep reading. After reading everything that happened to Helene, you want to know just exactly how her daughter turned out. Is she normal? Have all the problems her mother had? Or is she even worse?There isn't much I can say about the first chapter other then 'Wow'. It seems like something I should be reading in a solid, hard copy, real book, not online. I have a question for you: why the heck is this thing not published, let alone on the top five list?! (okay, it's pretty close, but still!)
Your story is amazing! I was hooked from the very first chapter. I love how you've developed the characters so well. I was kind of wary at the beginning before I started reading, but as I said, I couldn't help but read on. It was kind of heart-wrenching to read how the sisters were dealing with their mother's problem, when they were going through her room after she was taken to the docter. Great job! I'll be back to read more.picked:)
Well, first of all... well, nothing. I can't even think of something to say. That beginning was just...wow. It was completely amazing! Awetastic. Breath-taking. I smiled when Mrs. Ross said, "Fine, But I'm going to speak to my husband about firing you." I'm not necessarily sure if she is being serious, but it did make me smile. I hope that's what you were going for.I like the voice of the Mc in this. She's great so far, and seems very well developed to me.Well, I am certainly eager to read more of this; so, I will post this comment adn continue you to read :DThe only thing I have to say is that I am definitely putting this on my picks.Alle am besten,Ricki
wrote 38 days ago
this is simply lovely with an effortless elegance gracing every chapter. simple yet brilliant :) i started this morning and finished it all in one sitting. its such a wonderful read.
Me telling you that your book is fantastic is so completely redundant as everyone who has read it, has already said the same thing. After reading their comments I have nothing left to add, like they said this book is an easy read. I started and in two hours time I finished the first six chapters. It felt like 30 minutes had gone by. I think the fact that everything could go up in flames at any moment is what makes it so addicting. Maddie's mother is like a ticking time bomb and everyone knows it. Now LouLou is becoming more distant and Maddie doesn't know what to do. The whole premise is amazing. I can't praise it enough.
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