Book Jacket

Rank 536 (-42)

Word Count

9060

Date submitted

01.30.2010

Date Updated

02.17.2010

Into the Shadows

by technicolorgirl

ShortStory: Adventure, Mystery, Paranormal, Horror

Shadows can contain our worst nightmares once our eyes are opened.

"Listen to me: don't run...Don't make any sudden movements, and don't appear afraid."
"But I am afraid," Julie whispered.
"So am I."

Julie Evans has a problem. Haunted by the recent death of her fiance, Mike, Julie begins to see things she can't explain. Nightmarish things that are far too real. They chase, they kill, and they are determined. As the days pass by, Julie realizes that they won't leave her until she's dead.

***This had started off a short story... But, that changed once ideas started flowing. Once it hits the 10,000 word mark, I'm going to be putting it on here as a book. If you've added this "short story" to your picks list, I hope that the BOOK will be on your picks once it's up instead of this short version. Thank you for reading! ***

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technicolorgirl

wrote 23 days ago

***This had started off a short story... But, that changed once ideas started flowing. Once it hits the 10,000 word mark, I'm going to be putting it on here as a book. If you've added this "short story" to your picks list, I hope that the BOOK will be on your picks once it's up instead of this short version. Thank you for reading! ***

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Lollipop

wrote 17 days ago

Wow, the story has really progressed well. That dream there at the end of the update is kinda confusing when Julie and the girl switch places (i think that's what is meant to happen). Maybe there should be a flash or switch described of some sort to make it flow more easily. I think Vera need to be explained more, whether you have plans for that in future chapters or not. I like the way Holding is described, because it is a bit of a mystery until Matt and Carter get taken back there. A question, why does Matt have a Guardian? Or is it something that happens when he gets taken to Holding? Also, I think we need to be told a little sooner that Megan is Matt's sister, so you could slot that in somewhere.
Overall, I think this story has gone in a really good direction. Yet again, I am left wondering where it's going to go next and who's going to do what about all of this. It's really great, a captivating read :) Lolli xxx

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dangoletstango

wrote 20 days ago

Just started reading the first three chapters and so far it is good! I would just go back over it for the few grammer mistakes that you have, but that doesnt stop a story from being great!
:) overall good job!

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WolfHeart93

wrote 20 days ago

This is a good story idea but you have to much dialog and not enough description. this is a good story idea. Keep writing!

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inkmuse

wrote 20 days ago

technicolorgirl--this is a million times better than anything i could have written when i started writing. There are some technical things you could do to strengthen your writing, but this site isn't really set up for formal critique. Try www.critiquecircle.com if you are interested in that. Otherwise, as far as STORY is concerned, this is really good. Your grip the reader from the first paragraph and hold their attention through out. I only read chapter 1 (sorry, I'm so crunched on time, between reading, writing, critiquing, and taking care of three kids and a house) I'm going to keep this on my watchlist, or whatever it's called here, and then I'll select it as one of my picks when I can trade things out.
xBeccaX
The First Phoenix

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technicolorgirl

wrote 23 days ago

***This had started off a short story... But, that changed once ideas started flowing. Once it hits the 10,000 word mark, I'm going to be putting it on here as a book. If you've added this "short story" to your picks list, I hope that the BOOK will be on your picks once it's up instead of this short version. Thank you for reading! ***

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Anna Zhuravskiy

wrote 23 days ago

Keep posting! I love this so much! I cant wait form more. Ill pick it as soon as this becomes a book!

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ikilledbarbie

wrote 24 days ago

wow. i love this this. its so great

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Aridemara

wrote 24 days ago

Hey this great I like how it grabbs the readers attention, so please keep posting.

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technicolorgirl

wrote 25 days ago

Hey! I'm working on another book along with this one. If you have the time, could you check it out? It's titled The Realmer's Necklace. It'd mean the world, and I'd be happy to return the favor! Of course, I'm going to be returning the favor to all of you who have commented so far. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! :D It means a lot. ♥Carlyn

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Amendris

wrote 25 days ago

Post more! It is such an attention-grabbing, intense story. I really want to find out what happens next. Your idea of the "shadow people" is really unique and makes the story very tense.

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SydneyLauren

wrote 26 days ago

I'm digging Part IV :) keep up the good work.

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SydneyLauren

wrote 26 days ago

I'm digging Part IV :) keep up the good work.

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Evie J

wrote 26 days ago

You're definitely off to a great start here! It's an attention-grabber and keeper, which is great! I love the action! It's different as well, which I like. I saw a couple of errors, but not many, so kudos with that.
You should post more, but only if you want to! :)
Let me know if you do!
Great work!

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Sabryth

wrote 26 days ago

ooh, i like the more, Megan's reaction is very realistic.

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Sabryth

wrote 34 days ago

wow this is really good! please post more i want find out what happens! i am SO adding this to my picks list!

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SydneyLauren

wrote 36 days ago

tell me when you post more ! wow that was really good. great imagery and i feel myself swaying with their emotions, :) i love books that get me involved. message me when u add more please!

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technicolorgirl

wrote 38 days ago

@Author S M Jonston THANK YOU! I've really been needing some feedback like that. It definitely helped. I've edited much of it, adding her age in there as she talked to Officer Michaels, and fixing up some of what you mentioned (the cut, "she found herself imagining", and I'll be fixing up the "she(s)" part soon.) I planned on adding her parents more into Part 3, so I think I'll do that. :) Once again, thank you very much!

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Author S M Johnston

wrote 38 days ago

This was fantastic. Original, fast-paced, left me wanting more.

Below is very nitpicky feedback - because it was so well written nitpicky not general feedback was what I had to give.

I know it is hard in short stories as there are less characters but there were a lot of she(s) used. I would splice Julie in more often.

Instead of she could imagine the..... (reference to the dog chase) something like - she found her self imagining the...

Rather than just remembing she had cut her arm on the.... I think it would be beneficial to add something about getting through the door and feeling something... not necessarily pain as she could be numb with fear.

I found myself wanted to know how old she was, and where were her parents (as she might be old enough to live alone). I was assuming she was of an age that parental units would still be on the scene. I guess it is more because of the site than the story. If I had read it anywhere else I don't think the question would have entered my head.

Why are humans so confusing - classic



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sammy_ash

wrote 39 days ago

Ohhh my word, you HAVE to post more of this! This is really good, and wow that was a horrible cliff hanger! :) Send me a message when you post more, please!:)
<3, sammy
write4Hisglory.blogspot.com

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Lollipop

wrote 39 days ago

hey i really like where this is going :) there are some areas where you could tidy it up a bit so that it doesn't go on for that little bit too long but otherwise really good :) remember to drop me a note when more turns up :) xx

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exsandohs

wrote 40 days ago

POST MORE. I have to know where she is and what happened!

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exsandohs

wrote 41 days ago

Wow, this was intense. You gotta post more!

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Tibbie Monster

wrote 41 days ago

Very intense!
I love it!
Please write more!

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vanhelsing13

wrote 41 days ago

POST MORE. its very action packed!! I love it! It's very vivid. WRITE MORE. message me if you update it!! =D

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xemmawhyx

wrote 41 days ago

love it!

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Lollipop

wrote 41 days ago

please post more? that sounded like it could go somewhere really good :) to be honest i don't really have enough to comment on :S drop me a note if you do post more :) xx

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dobbytheninja

wrote 41 days ago

Pleaseee post more! This is amazingly vivid. Once I read the very first sentence, I could see it movie-form. So, all in all, I'm beseeching you to please please please write more! Okay? Okay.

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