inkpop: Mishca - A heart transplant, an adoption, plagued by nightmares – seriously there is only so much one girl can take. Can you solve the mystery of Mishca?

Carmen Jenner

wrote 70 days ago

Loved this! I too only planned to read a few chapters but once I started I read all the way to chapter 13 and am now so upset that I have to wait for it to be published to be able to see what Mischa does next. Really enjoyable read, intriguing plot and a very real, lovable protagonist. Obviously there are a few typos and that thing normally drives me crazy but I was so wrapped up in the story that I barely even noticed. Your writing is lovely! A very impressive piece of work, I can't wait to see it on the shelves.

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Angel of the Forgotten

wrote 138 days ago

Hey! The swap as promised!

I have heard so much about your book Mishca. There wasn't a time that on a forum when they asked what your favorite book and Mishca wasn't on it. So I came into this book confident that this was going to be amazing. I was hoping that I wasn't going to be let down...... and I wasn't!!

I love the opening line! It drew me in and really got me interested in your main character. You didn't have to give this whole over detailed poetic and confusing start just a few words that made me read on. Like others have said Mishca has a wonderful personality. She was so relatable and realistic that she came to life for me from the first words that she said. I'm so interested in her past. I am dying to know where she comes from that I was hooked to your book the whole time with my face glued to the screen. I loved the message that she recieved. It really built the suspense of your story and had me guessing who sent it.
The second part of chapter 1 was by far my favorite. The mystery just poured out of your words.
'She is just a defective human' Wow! Such intense wording.
Your writing is flawless. Your details, setting, plot, and characters just work and compliment each other perfectly. When reading this I felt as if I was thrown into a whirlwind of mystery supsense and loads of secrets. I"m sorry I can't find the right word to describe this. I can really see this getting to the top and I can't wait until this is published because I have no doubt that this can make it. You are a spectacular writer!
-Megan (Yay Smelly Belly!!!)

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Nicky9710

wrote 136 days ago

My jaw just dropped miles into the earth! THIS WAS AMAZING!!!!! Completely captivating. (I have no idea if I spelled that right...) But seriously it's awesome! I love love love the last chapter! I couldn't find any spelling or grammer errors but then again, what do I know. I'm 12 and my worst subject in school is LA. I am sooo picking this when a spot opens up. ( I cant believe how many great storys there are! Including yours.:D) Ok so if I dont cut this short I will start rambling on and on about your story... so good luck!!
-Nicky
P.S. GET THIS PUBLISHED!!!!
P.S.S I will be the first to buy it so everyone else who loves it get out of the way!!! lol :)

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Arose

wrote 129 days ago

First off, I feel I must get this off my chest. Himalayans are the best! While mine is not as loving as yours in the book, they are just fantastic. Just had to get that out.

Secondly, this book is amazing. The imagery is terrific. Sheer beauty in your words. I have such a clear picture in my head of what is going on and you write in such a sometimes poetic way. The premise of the book itself stands out by itself. It hooks the reader in and the sheer brilliance of your writing keeps them hooked. The reader will easily devour this book. I know I cannot wait to read more. You create suspense with the nightmares and the people on the roof so effortlessly. Just amazing.

Thridly, I really did not see any grammatical errors. Just had to say it. I did look (okay, maybe not that hard since I was so engrossed in the book itself) and did not see any.

Fourthly, the character of Mishca is so unique on her own. You continue to give us such entertaining and fabulous characters such as Ded, Alicia, and so many more. Each has their own unique personality and voice. You stay true to the characterization of each character which is key. The star character that stands out is of course Mishca. She is such a fantastic and interesting character. She is realistic and has a good heart that the reader will grow to love. You make the reader care about what happens to her. I also enjoyed how you made the connection so strong with Ded and Mishca that even though family is stronger than what's in the blood.

I could rave all day about this book so far. Stunning work. Is it wrong to say I did not dislike anything? This book is definitely going on my 'I totally need to come back and finish this one for sure' list. Definitely Picked. :) !-)

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europ92

wrote 98 days ago

I just read this whole thing, and I must say one word: wow. This is so much more original than I had previously assumed. I'd seen your story around inkpop, but never had the time to read it...and when I did, I couldn't stop. Mischa is a wonderful character. She is different, slightly quirky, and personable even though she comes from a rich "celebrity" family. In other words, she's well rounded. I am so excited to learn more about the mystery, and see why Colin is such a novelty now. I'd hate to think he's part of the devil/demon bad guys clan. And poor Ryder. I love him so, so much. I love how you described him as an English grammar stickler, which totally put another layer on him. He's not just "another hot guy," he's got feelings and an actual personality. You get an A+ for character development.

The only thing I can tell you to work on other than fixing up punctuation errors, is to keep to your plot. What I mean by that is that she is first interested in adopting, then she finds Ryder, then you embellish from there, and forget the adoption etc. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy reading about uni, her new friend, and her love (or used to be love), but I also want to hear more about the paranormal/mystery aspects of the novel. And more detailed dreams would be lovely. But brilliant work; it is so going into my picks!

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Author S M Johnston

wrote 4 days ago

Please note that this is not the current version of Mishca. I have made major revisions and at this stage I do not plan on loading the new version on Inkpop. Thanks.

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suecroz

wrote 11 days ago

I’ve only made it through a few chapters, but I really am enjoying your story. When you switched the POV it worked, and the promise of something supernatural made me dig in more.

Your writing is very good and easy to read. You’ve done well with the family, they are believable.

I’m going to pick this when I have room because it’s different and well written.

I made a couple of notes for things that slowed me down while I read:

In chapter one – It may have been a knee jerk reaction to the miscarriage as they (had?) never gone through the process again.

In chapter two – I found out later that (they?) had unknowingly given me the Russian impolite version of Mikhail with Mishca.

-I shook my head, not wanting to return to the horrid drug induced dream (I’d?) woken from.

Also – after surgery she went back to sleep and had a nightmare. When she woke, she rolled over to sleep again. Maybe this is possible after heart surgery but it made me hurt for her.

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Author S M Johnston

wrote 25 days ago

Comments that make me believe in getting Mishca published:

Lauren Ashley
wrote 68 days ago
Oh my gosh. You have such a way with words! Incredible. I love the setting, your characters, and everything! I also love how you left me wondering after each section what was going to happen....very unpredictable, and i like that. there are so many authors who leave me always figuring out what happens in the book, but you have a unique talent with that. I picked it! :) I couldn't really find anything to critique, there were some small grammatical errors, but pretty fixable. It's a great book! I can't wait to read it all over again when it is published! Let me know when it is, I will buy it! :) Very excellent job, again.

ShekinahGlory
wrote 69 days ago
Oh wow! I can see why this is number one in the Picks category! I just read chapter one, and already I'm captivated! First off, I LOVE LOVE LOVE how Mishca is adopted and doesn't know her history (I have that in my story too, cept my character's got amnesia)! Also I love how you describe everything with a personal eye and use words and phrases that were very unique, yet such an obvious choice for success! I liked how you said her adoptive father was disappointed that he couldn't solve her heart problem with his physical prowess. Also, I like to see that Mishca and her mom are so close---my favorite line was: "Despite having very different blood flowing through our veins, we always seemed to be on the same wavelength." I want to know more about Wirth and Othilia so I can't wait to read chapter 2!!!! It was very intriguing how you said Wirth should be tired from jumping onto her roof, but he's not...so you implied he's not human. So what is he? The suspense is killing me! lol And he is fascinated with Mishca---is it love? or does he want her to join them and become one of them? And what process will she go through? Very good cliffhangers! I'm not going to stop reading but I figured I should comment on chapter one!

Very good work and I hope your book gets published!

~ShekinahGlory

Lalaveetha
wrote 73 days ago
I really like how you continue the heart theme throughout the story with the "boom ba booms." I caught that near the end and went woah! Heart beats because of the heart transplant.

I really, really enjoyed reading Mischa. It is very well written, the characters are well rounded and realistic, and the amount of mystery to the story kept me (and I'm assuming anyone else who reads it!) hooked and wanting to know more.

At this point, I can't see where it's going, but I can't wait to find out! Please add more soon!

katherine187
wrote 63 days ago
I seriously love this! You are an awesome writer and this story is seriously addicting. I love how it is in Australian first off because it is so different from anything else I have read. Mishca is definately one of those characters that readers can relate to, minus the heart transplant aspect of course. This is great and I am so glad that I read it! Keep up the good work!

dellafiora3395
wrote 63 days ago
Like so many other people that have commented on this, I had the intention of reading the first chapter... Yeah, that didn't happen. I made it through the entire thing. I'm pretty much in love with this! The characters are so interesting, the plot's quite different from what I've read on the rest of InkPop, and there are plot twists and turns to keep it exciting. I surely see why this is the current rank 1. Great job! PICKED

Redhead
wrote 65 days ago
-Her adopted parents are celebrities? What?
-I love the paragraph about Schnookiwookims! I used to LOVE Krypto the Superdog.
-The end of chapter one is incredibly mysterious! I love it!
-Oh my God. I can see how this got to be number one!!! The first chapter is seriously amazing! I feel like a scammer for not having a critique (but I suppose the 600-odd others already got to it XD)
-Mishca seems like such a good character. I like the scene where they have to fill out the forms. It's so touching.
It seems different; from what I hear, it has a fantasy/paranormal edge and that's just...different. Very unique.
I am going to read straight to the end; this is picked as soon as I get a spot!!!
-Redhead!!

Lauren W.wrote 80 days ago
This story reminds me somewhat of my life. You've the the characters so real. Now when I go to sleep I'll make sure 1) I take very heavy meds to keep out dreams 2) that I have my video camera ready. Thanks for posting it on here! I cannot wait for it to get published and be delivered into my awaiting hands!!!!

fenderlandwrote 81 days ago
Well I read the cherry-ed comments first, and saw that most said the reader wanted to only read the first chapter, but got sucked in and read straight through. I'd love to say this happened to me too, but I'd be lying. I WANTED to read it all right away, but I unfortunately only got the second sentence in the second chapter before I had to get off the computer. I didn't even have time to comment! I only had time to click the little pick button before I had to x out. Sorry!

But I'm back now and before I read on, and before the chance that I have the leave again arises, I'm commenting.

MY COMMENT: Wow, this is definitely one of the best I've read so far. I felt like I was reading it from a published book, despite the sparse grammar mistakes I saw. The descriptions are balanced perfectly, and the style is very smooth and simple. The way you write really depicts the nature of Mishca ((oh, and the name is very original, by the way)).
And so I keep reading...

~Sarah G~wrote 83 days ago
For our swap:

Wow. The writing was so amazing! You seriously surprised me, which doesn't normally happen. I've read a lot of books (and I mean A LOT) and I have never read something like this. It was so unique that I couldn't help but dive right in. The twists this book took amazed me even more than the fantastic writing style. I have to stop now before I give something away for future readers! Great job! *picked*

Night of the ExorMistwrote 85 days ago
Wow, the first chapter is AWESOME! Mishca is already a loveable character, and you describe her and her ways so well, and only in the first chapter!!! She is very well rounded, as are all your other characters -- I am very happy to see that. I was also very happy to see you go straight to the fantasy stuff right in the first chapters. It was like BAM! haha, lol.
Oh, how I wish this was in actual book form so I could just pick it up and read it wherever I go without interruption!
This is SO going on my picks soon!

Writing_Music_Addict<3wrote 94 days ago
I am really impressed by this. You are an amazing writer and this work is just perfection. I love that it's in Australia and not your typical run-of-the-mill kind of book. Your descriptions are very good, too, and it was overall really well-written. This is going on my picks asap, because you totally deserve to be in the top five with this! I really want to see you in the top five and hopefully published. :) -S

Aikawarazuwrote 97 days ago
First off: I adore the name Mischa, and your cover is absolutely beautiful!

You are an amazing writer--if this were a book, I would definitely buy it. Everything about the writing is so real, and I feel as though I could get lost in it. Not once did I want to simply speed-read or glance over a part due to a loss of interest.

Already I feel as though I can identify with Mischa in a lot of ways. It's a very interesting situation she's in, and she's a unique character. That little twist at the end of the first chapter definitely caught me by surprise, and further demanded my attention--it really changes the mood of the whole story! I'm excited to see what's in store for Mischa.

This is going straight to the top of my reading list, and has definitely earned my pick! If I could reasonably read all of it tonight, I probably would! This is simply amazing--something to be proud of. I wish you luck in getting to the top five (though surely you won't need luck to do that).
-Tanya

Barbie Joneswrote 98 days ago
Amazing work. I didn't want to comment until I had finished the book and I must say I can't wait to see it published. It is definitely a page turner and your writing is amazing, it is like your with Mischa every step of the way. Good Luck! I wish you all the best!

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Author S M Johnston

wrote 25 days ago

Some of my favourite comments on Mishca:

surferhorse12
wrote 66 days ago
Wow, I'm on chapter 7, and I am enthralled in the story line. It is very interesting and unique. I can't wait to find out wat is up with Wirth.

ForensicPathology
wrote 68 days ago
That was astonishing. Your writing is incredible, and your premise is very fresh, which is a rare thing to come by nowadays. Your flow is wonderful as well. You left me hanging on the last word, and I definitely plan on reading further. I'm not sure what I can tell you that others have yet to, but it seems you definitely deserve your rank.

shoSHNAZZYdood
wrote 69 days ago
oh, my gosh this book is flipping incredible! i saw it on the top 5 and the name alone drew me in (i'm a stickler for cool book titles) so i started to read it and i can safely say, "DANG!" like, sursly. your book was, like, flipping amazing and i couldn't help but read more and more! so i read more and more. and more. innyhoo, this is the first thing i read from you and i can only hope there's more to come in the future! BIG WOOP, DOOD! (:

Heather Marie Tumbleweed
wrote 71 days ago
i loved how original all the characters are in this! no dorky repeat vampire or werewolf themes or cheesyness, its all original and with some spice! the imagry was mazing and the first chapter got me hooked! id read more but its kinda late lol, this is so picklisted and staying for a bit lol it just really suprised me most books sound the same but like i said very unique!!!! and btw loooooove the cover

DancingCat wrote 71 days ago
Great opening line, it draws you in from the start. The descriptions of the parents are good, as is the description of Mishca (her hair reminds me of my friend Carys's hair xD) they all seem a bit "perfect" looking, but very well written. I enjoyed the next few lines, they show that although she knows she's adopted, she isn't too bothered about it, she seems very sure of who she is. I liked the line "Until now". It's simple, but very interesting, and makes the reader want to know what's changed. While Mishca is watching Alicia we see the worry they clearly both feel; Mishca for her mother and the way she doesn't seem to be coping and Alicia for Mishca's health. It's clear that they have a strong "mother-daughter" bond despite not actually being related. The word 'claustrophobic' is good to describe both Mishca's feelings and the actual hospital hallway. The next few lines adds to both the obvious worry and their relationship. When Tom rejoins them the hug he gives shows how much he wants to protect them both and is finding it hard that he can't. The car ride home is described very well. It shows clearly the difficulty each of them has with dealing with the illness. When Mishca tells about Tom's past and the way he handles problems it shows even more how he wants to protect them and how hard he's finding everything. When you described the lounge room, it shows very clearly the changes that have just recently happened to the family. When they talk about the adoption it's clear they have never really talked about it in detail before, and as Tom is talking about it we see that it's a much more delicate subject than Mishca showed before. The line "eating each one like a delectable morsel of food" is incredible, A very awesome metaphor. Mishca's reaction shows just how mature she is, the way she reassures her parents instead of the other way around shows this. I really like how in the next to paragraphs it's just about fashion and shoes, it adds more dimensions to Mishca and makes her seem more realistic. Her belongings reminds me sooo much of my own, it's practically identical, its very well described. The IM from Melinda is intriguing, it seems like it might play a bigger part in the story and I'm interested to find out what. The cats seem very cute, very lovely, and also well described.
WOAH, bug change in the last part, not in a bad way! It's still fantastic, but so different from the rest of the chapter. It has made me interested to find out who the new characters are, and what part they will play in the story.
Overall, the characters are very real. The story is intriguing. The descriptions were fantastic throughout. It's incredible, and I can't wait to read the rest :D

Poppy Power wrote 72 days ago
This is amazing writing!
Great story- I couldn't stop reading! :)

Pixie Chickwrote 72 days ago
I'm so mad at myself for not reading this earlier!! Mishca is so sweet and seems a little more adulty than Alicia. Wirth pissed me off! How can he practically stalk Mishca then turn around to Othilia and say, "You will always be my first. Nothing and no one can change that." Womanizer in the making! Well as you can see I'm pretty into this and I WILL be finishing it.

Lalaveetha wrote 73 days ago
I really like how you continue the heart theme throughout the story with the "boom ba booms." I caught that near the end and went woah! Heart beats because of the heart transplant.

I really, really enjoyed reading Mischa. It is very well written, the characters are well rounded and realistic, and the amount of mystery to the story kept me (and I'm assuming anyone else who reads it!) hooked and wanting to know more.

At this point, I can't see where it's going, but I can't wait to find out! Please add more soon!

Adam wrote 74 days ago
Wow! This is great! I have aq tendency to expect unrealistically great things from people on here, but this blew even me away! I only got to the end of chapter one (sorry, got school in half an hour!) but it is easily one of the best books I have read on here! Maybe the best! And this is just a first draft? It may be because I'm horrible at spotting grammar mistakes, but I couldn't find a single thing that needed changing! This is going on my pick list! Keep up the excellent work!

Ever wrote 77 days ago
Ok I have read many books in my 13 years on this earth and this book is amazing. I intended to read only a few chapters because of how busy I am studying for finals but I read all the way through to the end! I love your use of descriptive words you put us with Mishca as if we are watching her. The plot is brilliant and it seems you have many plots all formed into one as Mishca deals with so many things at once, it leaves the reader breathless rushing to get to the next page. You leave us hanging and to me like a maze, once you think you figured it out you come to a dead end. I love it and it will be on my picks list soon!

KaylinAmalie wrote 79 days ago
To be quite honest, I was just going to read the first chapter. That's normally what I do...but this kept me going. I had to keep reading... I have to say, you're good at making a reader want to keep reading. This is super good :)

jkosinskiwrote 79 days ago
I was floored. There's no other way to say it. I was expecting something typical, like Lurlene McDaniel mixed with some Stephenie Meyer or something. I was wrong. There is such a simple, smooth flow and I just gobbled the first chapter up. There were a few little errors, and I'll get to those, but this is definitely amazing.

Chapter One:
"Tom had been a professional rugby league player before becoming a coach." I don't really think 'league' is needed, but that's just me.
"But, today it just looked somber." Try the [,] after the word 'today'. The comma should always go after the part that can be taken off and still have a sentence. That's not a great description. Message me if it confuses you, okay? Because it would even confuse me.
"It may have been a knee jerk reaction to the miscarriage as they had [had not] gone through the process again."

This was fantastic. I'll be back for more XD

Stacy Charronwrote 81 days ago
Just finished what you have posted so far and I really like it. The story keeps you wondering whats going to happen next who mishca will end up with ryder or this collin guy. this story is well written and shows the complexity and strengh of each individuals relationships with each other. Keep up the good work.

Stacy

Jill M.wrote 91 days ago
Hi! This is for our swap.
I have no idea where to start with this critique, so: WOW. I've read so many other stories on inkpop, but I'm serious when I say this is certainly one of the best, if not THE best. This will go on my picks.
So far I have only read the first chapter, but I plan to read more. Mishca is a believable, likable, extremely well done character. The storyline flows fast enough to keep the reader hooked, but not too fast. Overall, your writing is to say the least strong, and I found no grammar errors. AWESOME job!
Jill

~{Legacy Pen}~wrote 91 days ago
-On chapter 13, you said knelled instead of kneeled.
-Chapter 15: you said "vibrate" instead of "vibrant"
-you said "not to self" instead of "note to self"
-"This is Colin?" should probably be "This is Colin."

Other than this, I didn't really see any other grammatical errors or spelling mistakes! You did a really good job editing!

Wow, that was surprising! I was definitely not expecting what had ended up happening. However, I do have a few questions. Do we ever find out about what Wirth and Adair are? What about the nightmares? It is good to make the readers think. However, it can be quite annoying when you cannot read the rest of the book ;)

Eww. I'm sorry, I cannot get over the event that happens. You did a really good job surprising us! You seriously did! AND it seems that you have gotten quite a reaction with the event that does unfold. . .

I love the small quirky things Mishca says at times. It's really cute and makes the story fresh and unique! I never hear those sayings over here in America, so it was a nice change to read a story with an Australian flair!

Again, great work! This is still staying in my picks! And good luck on making it to the top 5! :D

xxdearyouwrote 92 days ago
For Our Swap
Chapter 1
Right from the beginning I can connect with your MC. I have a heart defect as well, and although it is not as serious as Mishca's, I know what it feels like. It's good to have a character that's relatable and realistic.

I want her room. It sounds so cozy, like her own little world. I love all the description you've thrown in; it's just enough and doesn't bore the reader.

Woah, who are these two mysterious people? Nice hook to pull the reader into the next chapter!

Chapter 2
Aww, I'm connecting to Mishca again. It makes me so sad that she doesn't have a real best friend. Way to provoke my emotions.

Waking up after surgery is never easy. I feel that you captured the true feeling of it perfectly.
Ugh, hospitals. Hate them. Again, great description, but it makes me feel like I'm in a hospital.

I haven't spotted any mistakes yet, but that's probably because I'm too sucked into the story to notice. XD

Overall, I'm really liking this story. Although I haven't read far enough yet to see who Wirth and the other person are, they have my interest. I really wanna know why Wirth is so interested in Mishca. Great job on pulling me in. (:
You've got a lot of talent. As i said, your description is superb. Another plus I noticed is the realistic dialogue. I can imagine the characters having an actual conversation with ease.
I'm gonna give this a pick. Good luck with it!
-Becky

Riordan Berrywrote 98 days ago

WOW. Can I just say, that MIscha is amazing. What an exilarating read. I have an assignment to do this weekend, as well as Mum''s day tomorrow, but I started readin this on Friday night, and havn'e stopped. I'm sorry I'm really quite terrible at critiqing but can i say that this book is just... pinnacle. haha i don't know how to explain that :p it is just so amazing! aaaah why havn't I read this before >.< Well Done S.M. :3 This really deserves Top 5, and in my case if an agent didn't pick this up, they wouldn't be doing their job right ._. i'm a guy, but i would pick this up right away haha.

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Author S M Johnston

wrote 25 days ago

Some comments that show me the world is ready for a YA Speculative Fiction set in Australia:

sammy_ash
wrote 62 days ago
This is really, really good! I like the detail you write with, totally makes it easy for me to picture it all. And I love Mischa's character, too. And like sunnytragix said, it's really cool that it's set in Australia! It really deserves to be #1. =)

Glo
wrote 65 days ago
WOW! I absolutely love it! I mean not like I was expecting to NOT love it, but I mean I REALLY LOVE it!!! =D I was originally going to read only 2 chapters then maybe go practice some guitar, but I couldn't stop!! I can SO see this one on the shelves and I'm so happy that it made it to the top of the top 5, Congrats! And it is SO hilarious!! Mind you I only made it to chapter 6 (10:20pm on a stinking school night. grrrrr.) I laughed until the abs hurt and the tears started to flow at the beginning of chapter 6 when you said "he moved towards me and slashed at my face with... a feather duster?" it was so intense and epic and it turned into a really hilarious joke. I love it! I also love how Trista just invited herself to the party. Too funny! XD I think this book can really make it places with the right advertising. Thank you SO much for sharing it! The only thing I found a little distracting was how most of the time you're saying "I will", "I cannot", "I am", "I have not", etc. Try joining the words together. It gives the book a much better flow and won't jerk the reader in and out of your story so much. I, like sunnytragix, also love the fact that it's placed in Australia. I love Australia. Never been, but I still love it. Their accents are to DIE for! I have to say, I am completely in love with the book. <3

Alex R.
wrote 67 days ago
I wish that I had read this when you first asked to me way back when. You're plot is so real for me and I can actually feel mad or sad about your characters doing something. I must admit that "Deb" threw me when i first read it, but I really like it now. And Australia, how many books are set there? I love it. This is by far my favorite story I've read on this website. Amazing job.

In a daze
wrote 67 days ago
Wow. I love this already. Brilliant that it's set in Australia. I haven't read many books that take place there, though I'm not really sure why. It's a beautiful country. I also like that Mischa herself is a rather, hmm, special of sorts. She's not your typical YA MC.(I mean that in a nice way =D) This is so unique, though quite sad from her point of view. Her poor 'parents', I can't imagine having to go through such a thing. Mischa is very strong for being able to relax them from their worries and being able to reassure herself as well. =) The end of the first chapter is very mysterious as well, interesting... I shall now read more. I will pick ASAP, probably after I finish and can comment once again. Awesome job. No wonder it's Ranked 1.

In a daze
wrote 67 days ago
WHOA. WAIT. WHAT???!!!!! =OOOOOO
OMG. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Why, Mischa, why?! D=
Uh, uh,---- aah!!!
Sorry for the outburst, but I just finished it, and don't want to ruin it for whoever else wants to read it, but, how coul you? D=
It's a twist, I love eet, but AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, so for the chapter 11...
Does that mean Ryder is actually Wright? Huh? Huh? =D
He he, I think Ima right.

AWESOME story.
You better write more. ^.^

~Daze~

katherine187
wrote 63 days ago
I seriously love this! You are an awesome writer and this story is seriously addicting. I love how it is in Australian first off because it is so different from anything else I have read. Mishca is definately one of those characters that readers can relate to, minus the heart transplant aspect of course. This is great and I am so glad that I read it! Keep up the good work!

LilMissMuffitwrote 78 days ago
I love how this is set in Australia, you don't see that very often! I also love Mischa as our protagonist! The part with the Beyonce Austin Powers remark, I just had to laugh! I love how one of her cats is named Smelly Belly, that also made me laugh. I like the dynamic between Mischa and her parents. I think it's very realistic that her mother would be freaking out more about the operation than she would. I know that if I were in that situation, my parents would probably be doing the same. The ending of the first chapter was very intriguing and totally unexpected! I just had to keep reading! Mischa's dream was very interesting, I can't wait to find out who "He" is! I loved the ending of the third chapter, too! Mischa reminds me a lot of myself right here. I know that I'd probably react the same way to my mom and then feel just as bad. You've really created a great protagonist, very relatable and realistic!
I really can't wait to read more! This is going on my pick list now! I really hope it makes it to the top 5! !-)
-LilMissMuffit

Rickiwrote 84 days ago
Well, all I can really say is "Oh my gosh, WOW!" and "Now, I am totally hooked."
I have read tons of books before, and many I read now don't surprise me anymore, mainly I'll just say, "Yep, saw that coming." But this, everything, most of it, was... unexpected really.
And I loved how it was set in Autralia. I've been there a couple years back and had a grand ol' time.
by the way, this is totally on my checklist!
Chapter 3:
{ the boyfriend visit seemed to have worked, as she was no longer loud, and friendlier tha(n) usual...}

:) ~Ricki

silentx3heartwrote 91 days ago
I am pressed for time, but i will stop here to tell you that i full plan on continuing after i slaughter this bio honors lab report. I thought the setting was wonderfully original; Australia, how awesome is that? the kangaroo line was pretty funny(:
At first, i thought this was going to be a realistic type book until i read that last part and i realized there would be some paranormal thrown into the mix. I can't wait to see who they are and what they plan to do. Your writing style is wonderful, with only a few lines i can get so much description to it. the names are also wonderfully unique, i also have a fun time picking out names! great, great job. can't wait to continue!

myselfwrote 93 days ago
i was instantly hooked. its really enjoyable. i never read a book set in australia before! haha its a really interesting change too. i like how there's not anything similar to this (im not a big fan of books that are simiular with others.) since i only had time before i has to go to school, i was ony going to read the first ch. but got to 6 and late of school. i reslly like it

Courtney Robertswrote 94 days ago
For the swap: Chapter one
First things first, this is going on my picks list. I am in love with it. I love how this is set in Australia. The cats names', totally unique and funny. Your writing is different form most that I've read. But you do have it from two points of view, which I must say I love it when books are like that, but I think that they should both be in either first person or third. But, hey, it works like it is.
~Courtney

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Malcolm J

wrote 29 days ago

love the climax how u bring me into the story and how u just keep going deeper into the story i love that

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cara_ruegg

wrote 37 days ago

I decided to reread some of this and must say it is quite the thriller. :) You are a brilliant writer. One little typo I noticed though in chapter 3 you said "breath, calm down." do you mean breathe? Anyways I'm really enjoying this. This is def one of my favorites on inkpop.

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Beautiful and Strange

wrote 37 days ago

I read up to chapter 4, and I really like this book. You have the whole mysterious thing down. You know just how to attract a reader's attention in the first chapter with fast-paced action laced with explanation and introduction and then slow things down in the next chapters to make the story realistic yet captivating. I do think that your characters could use a bit more emotion (especially Mishca, she seems sort of bland and emotionless) to make them seem more rounded and real, but I like them nevertheless. The overall uniqueness of this story is intriguing; I have never read anything remotely similar. Most of your description and dialogue is flowing and real, which is truly an accomplishment. Although it was very rare, there were a few instances where I think you should switch some words around or change the sentences a bit. For example, while it is grammatically correct to put words such as 'now' and 'finally' at the beginning or end of a sentence (and sometimes somewhere in the middle), make sure you carefully consider where you place them to make the sentence fit smoothly. But I'm just picking on little details that you really don't have to change anyway. You have very good word variation and sentence structure variation to make your writing interesting and not repetitive, so keep doing what you're doing. I noticed no major grammatical errors other than an occasional word missing, which can happen if you write quickly and get swept away int the current of your story. Nothing to worry about until you are totally finished and beginning hardcore editing. You have definitely captured my attention and I will be back to read more. Oh, and PICKED :)

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Elentari

wrote 38 days ago

This is amazing. I'm really sorry that it took so long to read, but I got caught up with life. :) But then again, I'm sure you know how that is.

You've crafted belivable characters, with real, honest-to-god lives. I wish I could accomplish that feat.

So I've only read the first chapter, but it's all I have time to hit. You've left your audience with a great cliff-hanger at the chapters end, and I guarente you I'll be back to read more. I'll say more then, and I'm so glad you got a top spot.

Last, I liked the original black-white and red cover you had originally, I feel it fit the book, and made a more engaging image.

Thanks for the great read,
~Tari

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writingcatasrophe94

wrote 40 days ago

okay i haven't read the story yet and i am sure that it is good but how did you get that cover for the book. i don't know if it is just me but does anyone else think that that girl looks like Aaliyah?(if you don't know who she is type it in wikipedia or google or youtube) she was a beautiful person inside and out.

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AriaMonet

wrote 50 days ago

This seems as if it could really happen, and yet it still contains some fantastical elements. This is really good, very eloquently written.

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Tilly Thread

wrote 58 days ago

Hey, Sharon, do you remember me? I promised you a read on "Mishca" ages ago... but then I took a break from inkpop and didn't get around to it. So, here you go!
First of all, I want to tell you how much I loved your writing style. You found a genuinely perfect balance between "too much detail" and "too little detail", and you could add humor to a serious scene without killing the mood. Also, I found two contradictory words to describe your style: laid-back and flowery. Laid-back because it's as if Mishca is talking to me, and flowery because of the interesting phrases and descriptions you use.
That's not even getting into the plot and the characters. The romance is interesting (and out-of-control in later chapters), the storyline is fresh and believable (except in a few later chapters- but I have a feeling Colin has some type of crazy common-sense-killing effect on her, and it's partly paranormal, so it's not bad), you could throw me for a loop I wasn't expecting (definitely a lot in later chapters), and you could CHANGE MY MOOD- kind of difficult to do since I'm usually pretty desensitized. For example (in later chapters, of course :P), I felt like I was in a frenzied, confused daze- rather like Mishca seems to be.
Characters... wow. You got the family dynamics really down, and I could actually tell when Mishca was out-of-character... that's something I'm not normally able to do. I could totally relate with what she said about her different friends- like her having Tammi and Rachel, but not being able to get into deep discussions with them.
Okay. Now onto some of the things that threw me off. Early on in the story, when Mishca was told that they had little to no information about her, she said she ate up each word "like a delectable mosel of food." Since she's just received what would be generally considered bad news, why would it be "delectable"? I'd think it'd be more like "swallowing a bitter pill." Or something.
When Mishca said she wasn't sure who her "twins" were, is she just talking about a person who looks exactly the same as her? I wondered if the concept might be more complicated, and important to the story, but it wasn't... I know two girls who've never seen each other before but look almost identical; is that what you mean?
At the end of Chapter One, the first thought that popped into my head was: "Is this going to turn paranormal on me?" Then I scrolled up and looked at the genres for this book, and realized: "Oh, yeah, it is." :P
There was one scene when you said: "Nooooooo. I am His!" That was... pretty corny. The drawn-out "O" makes it seem that way. Maybe you could switch that up? Maybe a more simple "No! I am His!"? And I'm really curious about who this 'He' is... I'm guessing it's not God? Also, when Alicia was talking to her phone buddy- and at other parts, too- you have a lot of ................, instead of the standard three, or four for the end of a sentence. It makes the sentences look... odd, in a way. Too spaced out.
Um... what negative images do "family services" invoke? Is this something that, as a New Yorker, I'm ignorant of?
This next sentence, I did not get at all: "The old argument of Arts is a course someone does when they don't know what they want to do with their life may not sit well with Alicia for Russian studies to be considered Mickey Mouse subjects." Erm... I had no clue about this sentence. Not even a little. In addition, this sentence: "So your effs yeh." I get the concept of the EFFS (clever, by the way), but I didn't understand the sentence in general.
You switch tenses sometimes. For example: "I'll be rolling on the floor with tears in my eyes when she unwrapped that." Just watch out for that, okay? I have the same problem... tenses are terrible...
Remember how I said earlier that I could tell when Mishca was out-of-character? The first time I noticed this was at the end of Chapter Three, when Mishca yelled at Tom and then ran off. I really liked it, and it definitely helped to get across how serious the situation was.
I thought that Ryder was strange at first. He sees a girl practically having a seizure and pulls that BS grammar thing? Although I did quite like how Mishca got her payback... :)
Write out numbers if they're four words or less. Eighteen instead of eighteen, twenty-five instead of twenty-five, etc.
I really liked the whole "Ryder's parents are rich" thing. Once I read that, everything made so much sense, and I love the way you pulled it off. Speaking of Ryder's parents... I know I'm not supposed to like them, but I couldn't help it. They seem like ignorant old money parents, and I like what they threw into the story. And their complete lack of regard for Mishca... frankly, it made my day. :P I found it hilarious... I'm not sure if that was your intent. I get the seriousness of Ryder's feud with his father, though.
Sometimes, you were inconsistent with how you spelt names. Tammy to Tammi, Nerissa to Nerrisa, Colin to Collin. You're probably just typing to quickly; it happens to me all the time. :P
This evened out later in the story, but earlier on, I had trouble keeping up, which usually doesn't happen. For example, in Chapter Three, you at one point said Mishca couldn't deal with her parents right then and there, but turning into a hermit wasn't the best way to deal with it. Then, when you said Tom had suffered repurcussions because of her withdrawal, I was confused... I thought you meant the hermit thing as a joke, and I didn't know it was an ongoing behavioral change. Then, when she clicked the 'Contact Us' page for the website and realized it was just a form for those who wanted to adopt, the next paragraph opened with her having a surge of shame for not putting down violin as her first choice, even though her parents wanted her to. You connected the dots in the end, but the sudden switch made me think I'd missed something.
Okay, the last few chapters... I hated and loved them. Hated, because I know this is the part where everything starts to break down, and the loss of Ryder is just terrible (everybody loves Ryder!). Loved, because Mishca is going CRAZY. I could feel her insanity from behind my screen. Here's the way I figured it: her attraction to Colin is weird. Ever since "House of Night," I haven't liked teacher-student relationships. But you counteracted that by Colin having NO INTEREST in her and forcing her away, like any decent human being would do. You threw me for a loop there, because I thought that Colin was either Wirth or her father... which still might be the case, but I'm not sure. Then... about Sophitia... besides the fact that I think she's Othilia, she's the weirdest thing around. She went from being cold to being nice to being Ryder's cousin but him not knowing although he's desperate to find his parents and... needless to say, I have a lot of questions, but this post is long enough already. :P I also have a lot of things that made me laugh out loud that I won't include, because I think this comment is as long as your entire story... I'm sorry about that...
There were a handful of typos and grammatical errors, especially in later chapters. Since this is an unfinished draft that you're editing, you'll probably catch them pretty quickly. ;) Good luck with this, Sharon, and tell me when you post up more.
By the way... sorry this critique took so long...
Until we meet again- Tilly

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MikaChan

wrote 63 days ago

I think what most intrigues me about this story is how different it is from any book I've read. It's not your stereotypical you'd find anywhere; it starts out with a heart transplant, which is different from most books. By the way, you're book is very good, and I find it very captivating! Keep up the good work!=)

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Carmen Jenner

wrote 70 days ago

Loved this! I too only planned to read a few chapters but once I started I read all the way to chapter 13 and am now so upset that I have to wait for it to be published to be able to see what Mischa does next. Really enjoyable read, intriguing plot and a very real, lovable protagonist. Obviously there are a few typos and that thing normally drives me crazy but I was so wrapped up in the story that I barely even noticed. Your writing is lovely! A very impressive piece of work, I can't wait to see it on the shelves.

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cambriacovell

wrote 72 days ago

I've probably said this before, but I love this. I also love that Mischa listens to Lily Allen. :)

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cambriacovell

wrote 72 days ago

Finished the second chapter and it really is amazing. The writings wonderful!

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DodgerBlue016

wrote 72 days ago

For our swap, so sorry about the lateness. This was very well written. the main character had a solid personality and the story had wonderful description. Definitely at least going on watch list, likely on picks. I would probably end up picking it in around a week, but since its going to be a top 5 it will be picked in the next day or so. I think I may read even more too. I also liked the point where they start giving her the dreams, and the last sentence of the 2nd chapter sounds just like one I could imagine in a real novel --unfortunately I was wrong--. Very well done!

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A.M. Tchop

wrote 72 days ago

You just can't leave this story! I began reading it last week and I walked away during he middle, wondering what was going to happen next. Came back, finished it, and now re-read it! You did a wonderful job! Swap?

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chicksofly

wrote 73 days ago

how do i even get to read the chapters

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Mister56

wrote 74 days ago

hello hello, I'm here for our swap

...I kick myself for not reading this before, even though it's been in my face for all of June. Gah.

I usually detest stories that are written in first-person with female narrators, because a lot of them are very immature and boring and useless, but I LOVED how round and likable a character Mischa is. I liked how her attitude towards having heart surgery was not over-the-top, soap opera melodramatic; Alicia's reaction in particular was extremely believable.

The only thing that threw me at the end of chapter one was the POV shift; shifting POV from character to character is fine with me, but the fact that Mischa's first person narrative was suddenly interrupted with a third-person one was a bit unsettling. But that's just a personal issue, so feel free to ignore me lol :P It really was a nice attention-grabber. The second chapter also gave me the feeling that I couldn't get to the next chapter fast enough.

Chapter three! Chapter three started off so tantalizingly...but then another POV/tense shift! D: I can see how one highlight of first person narrative is that it, if done right (and believe me, this is one of the most incredible first-person stories I've ever read), can be extremely immersing, but the fact that so far you've broken into Mischa with two third-person segments in a primarily first-person story gave me feelings similar to the ones I feel towards The Pendragon Adventure and Across the Nightingale Floor (I love AtNF, but the first person-to-third person shifts were a bit distracting and really broke the flow of an otherwise incredible novel) D: It makes me want to desperately find out who it is that's watching her, but I still think that if you were going to include these brief narrative shifts, you probably should have just written the whole story in third person.

Uhh...the whole "I am/she is His" thing made me immediately suspect that this was going to be one of those stories about a girl falling in love with/being chased by an angel or demon, and, more or less involving Satan (whether in a good or bad light, those kinds of stories still keep me up for days. No lie) at some point or another. However, that's just a conclusion I'm drawing as I read.
Chapter three! Overall it was a really good chapter, with Mischa feeling a realistic exasperation and anger at her mother, and feeling regret when she rages in Tom's face. Another riveting chapter end XD I have to read more.

Overall I have enjoyed the chapters I've read. Mischa has a great narration and voice, and her character is the kind of person I would totally want to hang out with any day. I like how her search for her real parents had more to it than "I want to meet my birth parents just because" and the heart surgery was a great element. I would buy this if it were a book.

Off to read more~

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bookbaby100

wrote 75 days ago

Fantastic job. You gave real feeling and personality to the scenes, characters and statements made. The lonliness that lurks in Mishca because of her lack of real friendship is conflicted beautifully with the love and care her family has for her. This story had some fantastic- very unexpected- twists in it! It gave the story an unique intrigue and captivaton. I love Ryder, -he is definatly SWOON WORTHY(oops did i just admit that?)- and how blatant he is with his feelings for Mishca. There were a few mis-spellings, but that happens when you have an amazing story rushing into your head as your trying to type it. PICKED!
~Ana (Can't wait for more!!!!!)

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Tianna Wallick

wrote 75 days ago

Please update more. i love Ryder!

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ggsamuel

wrote 76 days ago

For the swap (sorry I don't have long I will right as much as I can!)

I really, really enjoyed this. You touched on some really hard themes whilst having a light humour. The main character was likeable and had a lot of qualities I really find cool in a character. You have a real way with words and I kept wanting to read more! I can definitley see why this is in the top5! I am picking it right now and will read more later!

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The Butterfly Effect

wrote 76 days ago

I’ve only read the first part and already I love your protagonist. She’s a strong character, which I always prefer, and she’s not angsty. You’ve described Mischa, Alicia and Tom well, and shown us a bit about their personalities. I can also already tell that your spelling and grammar is proficient, so I’m happy about that:D

“They didn’t care who I was before, or where I had come from, from that moment I was their Mischa, and that was all that mattered to them.” -I absolutely love this line. It makes me love the parents all that much more.

Is Mischa a vampire? Oh, just so you know, I’m going to be guessing the mystery as I’m reading:)

I love your use of show, not tell. I have read many stories on here where telling is a huge problem. It’s an easy mistake to make, but you seem to be very good at the showing aspect of writing.

AUSTRALIA! Woot woot!

“Creepy.” -Haha. I love the character of Mischa. This girl is going in for a heart transplant and she’s not wallowing in self pity about it. Of course, if she were it would be understandable, but I love that she’s not.

“…she will be ours as it was always meant to be.” -Well, what a way to end the chapter! How intriguing. I do actually understand why this is in the Top Picks. I’m definitely going to be reading on, so don’t be surprised if you get random comments with my guesses as to what Mischa is. Looking forward to continuing:)

I’ll add this to my picks for a round when I can, cause it’s definitely worthy.

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allice1297

wrote 76 days ago

i just started reading this book, it's compelling, i have to keep reading to find out was is going to happen. So far it's great ( going to continue to read!!)

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flubberdoodl17

wrote 77 days ago

I read the first chapter after seeing your thread. This is a really good beginning, I'll hopefully be back for more (If I find the time). Mishca's character is already well developed in the first chapter, and that is crystal clear. I'm sad about the heart transplant, so you must have captured great emotion. Sorry to hear about your Dad, hope everything goes alright. :)

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habs_fan_<3

wrote 78 days ago

I was only planning on reading the first chapter ... but now that I have read it, I can't seem to stop. The whole idea and storyline is really good, and well written. In the first chapter before the first break when you put "When finally we pulled into the driveway, Tom .." I personally think you should take out the "when" and just start it with Finally, ...... but thats just me. In the first chapter, you gave just the right amount of information out to us readers, to make us want to continue reading more chapters. The ending of the first chapter was amazing, left me with alot of questions that im sure will be answered as I read more. Overall, fantastic job. Samantha

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habs_fan_<3

wrote 78 days ago

I was only planning on reading the first chapter ... but now that I have read it, I can't seem to stop. The whole idea and storyline is really good, and well written. In the first chapter before the first break when you put "When finally we pulled into the driveway, Tom .." I personally think you should take out the "when" and just start it with Finally, ...... but thats just me. In the first chapter, you gave just the right amount of information out to us readers, to make us want to continue reading more chapters. The ending of the first chapter was amazing, left me with alot of questions that im sure will be answered as I read more. Overall, fantastic job. Samantha

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WanaBeWriter

wrote 78 days ago

I have only read the first chapter so far, but I am already hooked! I really want to know what will happen to her. Great job and keep writing.

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Chetchy

wrote 78 days ago

I just left a lovely feedback and it never posted.
Maybe this will post and you can message me and I will tell you privately what I said.
Most Refreshing!
Messa Mattina. a.k.a. Chetchy

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Chetchy

wrote 78 days ago

Hi,
We had messaged each other quite a while ago and due to my schedule I haven't had ANY time until this very moment to begin reading your book.
I must say that I don't read fiction very often, as I told Diane ( It's Always Been You ), however becoming a "popper" has ultimately forced one like myself to reopen those avenues.
The process of reviewing your book may prove to be quite a parallel to my own life as I see many similarities from the first chapter alone. As a reader and not a writer, it is refreshing to see YA lit that is not based around blood and gore (Vampires) or of a sorcery nature. I only had time to read chapter one so that I could at least leave you a comment, but you can be sure that I will get to reading the rest as I have the time.
Refreshing!
Messa Mattina a.k.a. Chetchy

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Jesse di Angelo

wrote 79 days ago

oohhh....a cliffie! I feel a sudden need for MORE!

Someone once said that only the best writers can take their character's feelings and portray them so well that you, the readrer, can feel them too. You have done just that.

When I began this book, (aboput an hour and 1/2 ago) I thought it would be just an average book with a so-so description of a heart transplant, mostly not supported by facts. I am extremely pleased to say that I was wrong! You are obviously very knowledgable in that area, and it shows.

Also, I love the sci-fi edge. I wasn't expecting that, and I am very interested to see how things with Wirth unfold. I love how you keep the reader guessing!

Like I said before, you have talent. Just Picked! :D

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Jesse di Angelo

wrote 79 days ago

Wow. VERY intriguing first chapter. love the suspense and character development. I thought the adoption part was a little rushed, but fitting. you definitley have talent!

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Cassie Jorgensen

wrote 79 days ago

This seems like a very interesting story! I read the first part and although the description and the first sentence didn't grab my attention, the story itself is pretty intriguing. I like realism and to me this is pretty good.

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Mistybeach

wrote 79 days ago

Thoughts as I read

-I love your use of words to create a picture in the readers mind. It felt as thought I could see Alicia's facial features when she had the form in her hand...and then again when they were sitting on the bench. I love the fact that you make them seem like a normal family and a really close family, even thought the Mishca is adopted. I really liked the part where Mishca signed onto Myspace and said that she had a Facebook account. That really made her more realistic and just like a normal teenager, because all of us have those haha. Smelly Belly + Schnookiwookims<--- cute names! :) When Wirth came on her roof with Othilia and said that she would be theirs...dang that was surprising. I wanted to know what they were! The way you ended the first chapter left me hanging and saying 'i need to know more!' so i read the beginning of chapter 2...but ran out of time :( I love your style of writing...it interested me from the beginning and made me want more. The first chapter alone was very compelling and really addictive. Ugh, I would totally pick it! All my pick spots are filled :( Definitely keeping it on my watch list until one opens. This is amazing!

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I.wanna.be.a.writer!!

wrote 80 days ago

Gah! its stops at 12 and all the past comments say there was 15, where are the other chapters?! wow i love this, its been said but it is very refreshing and original which is wonderful. i will absolutely buy a copy when it get published which it will ;) just amazing and good luck.

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Soundly_Awake

wrote 81 days ago

Finally on my picks list, S M!

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cillabeth

wrote 81 days ago

--For Our Swap--
The first chapter was most definitely compelling. It sort of...I don't know...made me want to read more. Lol. And that's always a good thing. Your grammar is excellent, your writing style is a bit of Nicholas Sparks's when he wrote "The Guardian" (you should check it out when you can, it's an amazing book lol), or so it is from what I've read. And I love the last line of chapter one. "..we will pluck her and she will be ours as it was always meant to be." That is just brill. Radiantly brilliant. =] Keep writing, dude. Awesome.
God bless!
~Priscilla

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Aceforlife

wrote 82 days ago

Ah! No! Why?! It stopped right with Colin. Agh. Must. read. more. Yaa.. I think I might be a smidge addicted to this story xD~Cat J Meisle

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Dance_gem

wrote 82 days ago

This is definitely one for my Picks. I love it and after just two chapters I really don't want to stop reading. I'm really intrigued by Wirth from the end of chapter one. I'll keep reading on for sure :D

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sommerset

wrote 84 days ago

Your writing style is very realistic and enjoyable. There's a lot that I could say about your story but as I'm reading through the comments already left behind, it seems to me that they all have been covered. The only thing that I think I've noticed is that there are still gramatical issues in some loosely spread places (misused punctuation and tricky sentence structure), but you have clearly stated that this is a first draft and I'm sure this will be fixed in editing. I love how you write, although, the story is not one that would usually appeal to me to read off the shelf. I would have had to have a little push to get me to pick it up, but rest assured, when I did, I was not disappointed. The beginning was a little slow to me--- just the exposition, I think--- but the plot was definitely enjoyable and refreshing. The different setting also gave me something to look forward to. I think I liked it's being set in Australia, a country I've always wanted to visit. It makes it that much more "abnormal"... more edgy and not your typical type of story. Ryder is the new love of my life. Can I keep him? lol! Anyways, fantastic work and this definitely deserves its spot in the top 5 for June.

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nellygrl

wrote 84 days ago

Hey Author SM Johnston! Just following through with our swap! I'm just going to get right into it!

CHAPTER ONE

~ Right off the bat, your synopsis pulled me in. The layers of your story are already apparent and I can’t wait to start unraveling them!

~ LOVE the way you described Mischa’s mixed heritage (or assumed mixed heritage). My main character is of mixed race and I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to get it across. You’ve done it very well here.

~ “The knowledge that I was still ‘intact’ was reassuring to my parents.” You’re trying to imply something here, but I’m not sure what. Does that mean she’s still a virgin or they’re happy she isn’t pregnant? I’d make this clearer.

~ You keep switching between calling Mischa’s mother Alicia and my mother. Since it’s in first person, I’d suggest you stick with calling her mom and telling us her name through other techniques (which you did in the very beginning). Mischa calling her Alicia confuses me a bit. At first I thought she was calling her it because she was adopted and maybe she didn’t call Alicia mom, but then you had her call her mother. I’d stick with one or the other to avoid confusion.

~ You’re building up Mischa’s mother’s pain so vividly. And you’re making Mischa seem strong in contrast. Good job!

~ I love your description of Tom through rugby!

~ I hadn’t gotten that Mischa had a celebrity parent. I’m guessing Rugby players are very popular now, but maybe for readers in other countries you could make it clear that Rugby is very high profile and Tom was famous because of it. Or is Alicia the celebrity?

~ I love how you’ve brought together Mischa’s family. I already have a connection to Mischa and know what is at stake for her.

~ The whole splurge about having a facebook but not using it unless you want to talk to family or mature friends is kind of a throwaway line. Why do we need to know she has a facebook?

~ You compared Smelly Belly to a dog before you even confirmed she was a cat. Some people don’t know that a Himalayan Persian is a cat. I’d suggest making it clear that Smelly Belly is a cat right off the bat (I did not intend for that to rhyme… And I love the name Smelly Belly).

~ The tone of the myspace browsing and describing of the cats is kind of… light. Compared to the earlier sections, I mean. I know that myspace makes her feel better, but reading through this kind of made me forget that Mischa was a sick girl about to get a heart transplant. I’d suggest adding a few lines here and there just making the tone a little more like the previous chapters. For example, you could say, “I couldn’t imagine leaving Smelly Belly and Schnookiwookims behind, which only strengthened y resolve to get through this sickness.” Just a suggestion.

~ The final line of the chapter sounds more like information dropping than actual dialogue. Wirth is basically telling me what Mischa will be going through. I’d think about changing this line while still leaving the foreboding tone it left the reader with.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I love this so much. It is very well written and I can tell you’ve taken a lot of time planning out what needs to happen in this story. I love how you’ve built a connection to Mischa before jumping into the supernatural.

The only things that I think need work is the switching between “mom” and “Alicia” and the tone change in the middle of the chapter. I found that it created a kind of disconnect calling Mischa’s parents by her their first name. After all, it is Mischa talking. It made them sound more like friends than parents. And then with the tone, the chapter started off very dark with Mischa filling out her patient history and learning the specifics of her adoption, went into this very light tone when she’s checking her myspace, and then dipped back into a dark, foreboding tone when Wirth is watching her through the window. I’d try to even it out a bit.

But other than that, I give the start of Mischa an A+! Going on my picks!

Can’t wait to know what you think of my story!

~Noelle
(Catching Up to You)

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Criss/Cross

wrote 84 days ago

Well man. I have to say I feel Mischa's character right from the beginning. Sometimes, it can be hard to step out of your own shoes and into the characters, make that trasition into the story. It flowed, and it had me right from the first chapter. This was an excellent read and I will be picking this as soon as this comment submits. :D

-Criss/Cross

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Tayven Godfrey

wrote 84 days ago

I love the name Mishca, by the way! I loved this book and thought i'd help you out a little by adding it to my watch list, scince my picks are full at the moment, i absoutely could not stop andhad to finish the whole thing! I could find no errors at all, and loved every minute of it! Keep writing please! Return the favor? The book is psychic!:) thanks a million!

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Tayven Godfrey

wrote 84 days ago

I love the name Mischa, by the way, and i also decided to add this to my watch list for my picks are full at the moment, because it was just soo wonderful and intruiging! I also thought i'd help you out a little and maybe get you to number one!:) Return the favor!? thanks a million!:) Keep writing please!!

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Just-A-Witch

wrote 84 days ago

Hey, sorry it took so long to comment, I've been super busy lately. Anyway... wow! I read to chapter five (planning on reading more) and it's just... wow! I can totally see this published, because you totally capture readers in Mishca's life, and you hold them there until it's over. I can really feel the words and feelings as if they're my own. Great job, and yet again... just wow.

Just-A-Witch

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Dinnertime

wrote 84 days ago

Loved this!
I eased into the voice of Mischa quickly and liked how the mystery of her past began in the first chapter, and kept unravelling at a fast pace.
Terrific!

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kbj

wrote 85 days ago

So this is great! Mishca is such a cool character, she is different, uniqe. I love this story. It is great, I love the characters and I love that it is in Austraila. You did an amazing job introducing us to her. Some times it takes a while to find out who the character is but I felt like I knew her. This is a great story!!

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Jennii

wrote 85 days ago

Firstly, I must admit that stories set in foreign (well, foreign to an American like me) places are kind of extra intriguing. Second, I like how it's unique and addicting, like it's spiked with nicotine or something (ha, sorry, tempting comparison). I think people with a lot going on in their lives would like this, as the main character has to deal with so much.

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RCLewis

wrote 85 days ago

Mishca (Author S M Johnston)

I can see why this is in the top – excellent work here. :) With so many comments, there’s probably little new I can say, but I’ve found some nits to pick. I’ll point out what I can, which will hopefully help you put your best foot forward when you get your review.

I’m super-picky about semicolons, because I’ve found most people don’t use them properly. You used one perfectly in your opening line. The semicolon in your long pitch and the one preceding “a real head turner” in Ch1 aren’t quite right, I believe. (Another one before “not that deep” in Ch2.) I always check by looking at what’s before and after the semicolon and making sure each part could stand alone as a sentence.

“... she poured over the form.” Pretty sure it should be “pored” whether U.S. or Australia, but if I’m wrong, disregard. :)

“... as they never gone through the process again.” Either missing a “had” or need to change to “went”.

I have a really hard time buying that any adoption agency (selective, super-private, double-blind, or whatever) wouldn’t give a basic medical history for a child without personal information on the parents. Even just yes/no about whether there’s a history of heart disease, cancer, etc. I assume from the pitch and the way things are leaning that there’s more mystery to Mishca’s adoption than her parents are letting on, so I’m willing to suspend disbelief for now, but it’s very close to the edge for me.

Ah, you’re mixing first and third person. Very interesting. Definitely pros and cons to that approach, so it’ll be interesting to see how it plays out. I wonder, though, if the dreams and everything would maintain more mystery and intrigue without the tip-off at the end of Ch1. Just a thought.

“... the section I could see the outside with the gargoyles ...” Something’s off with this. (Extra “the”?)

“Wirth feinted respect.” Maybe you mean feinted, or maybe you mean feigned. Not sure.

“... specialized in discrete placements.” Should be “discreet” I believe.

“... but some how it didn’t look out of place.” Should be “somehow” (one word).

Okay, no time to go past Ch3 now, but I’ll come back and read more when I can. Definitely going on my picks. Good luck!

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