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Rank 2068 (-36)
Word Count
123
Date submitted
01.31.2010
Date Updated
by ClumsyGurrl
Poem
I was outside and the words just flowed.
I really just laid out in the grass and the words came to me.
On 1 Pick Lists
On 1 Watch Lists
38 Comments
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wrote 81 days ago
Aw, this was sweet. The format with "It's the wind" on its one line, really added to the poem and I loved the last line! Good work! :)
wrote 115 days ago
wowwieee im no expert, but this is realllly good!!!
wrote 120 days ago
I wanted to leave you a nice big long analysis and comment, but then I read your poem and realized none was necessitated. What you have here is light-hearted, pleasant, fun-to-read poem that doesn’t NEED validation or editing, haha, it’s just so… sweet? I guess. I do find it commendable that your syntax so perfectly encapsulates your meaning, though. Your words are sunny and bright and serene, just like the actual crux/body of the poem. I love the idea of the speaker having to choose between the elements for which one she loves, at that moment, best – between fun and adventure and peace and calm. Two complete opposites, yet in the end, she goes with the median. Neither too much or too little, the wind is content with whispering in her ears. :) That’s lovely, like this poem. Bravo, and thanks for that fun read!- Danny
wrote 121 days ago
WOW! pick, pick, pick. I love all of the enjambment, that adds to the flow splendidly! I LOVED the iambs through each line and the trochee at the end of each line; that's probably what brought about the wonderfully enchanted feeling. I felt like I was floating. I wish it were summer, I wanna go outside now!! Anyway, this is BEAUTIFUL! Almost indescribebably so! I'm phsyced to read your other poems. The personification was great, I love the perspective. At first glance I already had a couple of suggestion in mind, like you might wanna shorten that long line and add some endstop, but as I read it, It flowed perfectly, and freely but precicely. WOW WOW WOW. Don't change a thing. I'm picking this. Did I mention I love it?
wrote 122 days ago
Oh my god! I absolutely love this! It's amazing that you manage to capture those feelings of laying outside on a sunny day. If I tried to write something like this, I would end up just saying like "It's hot. It's sunny. Yay." haha. You really bring me back to days when I do the same thing. It sounds so natural, which is rare for poems that don't have rhyme or rhythm. I think it's your metaphors that do it for me, they're so imaginative yet realistic. I'm Picking this, it's so perfect. And I'm not even a big fan of poetry.
wrote 125 days ago
Remember that I said I don't really do poetry, but this one got me. :) I actually smiled hugely when I read the line, "It's the wind"! Ah, I love that!!! :) This even feels like a deeper allegory about life and the choices we're given - how everything is not always black and white. We should think outside of the lines. I chose this poem because the pitch said that the words just flowed from you, and I can see that to be true. This is lovely.All the best,Wendy
wrote 126 days ago
this was well-written and very calming. the imagery is great too!drsheridan
wrote 130 days ago
awh this is well cute =] much lighter then your other poem 'the dark' which shows your ability to be ecclectic - i love it!Ash
wrote 138 days ago
This is very pretty and cute poem(: It reminds me of spring lol(=-bEE
wrote 143 days ago
aww this is such a sweet poem. "He's won my heart today" what a lovely ending. beautiful work.
Nice, descriptive and captivating. Sincerely,T.R.Z. Oswald Jr.The Rat of the House of Fastus
wrote 146 days ago
This poem has a lingering sweetness about it, almost so sweet that it can be categorized as innocence. What I loved about this was that it wasn't angry like a lot of poems were, it was inspiring. You had a good use of description and I must say, you seem to be a natural writer. Truly amazing work! :)
wrote 153 days ago
aww I loved that.
wrote 155 days ago
This is a great poem. It made me smile. :)
wrote 157 days ago
Awww this is such a nice poem! I love how the words flowed even though they didn't rhyme. :)
wrote 160 days ago
I like the poem. Its cute, at first I though it was about nature xD I like the romantic twist at the end
wrote 161 days ago
Great poem. I have to say that this is my favorite of yours. Great imagery.
really good. dont u love it though when out of no were words just come to you, like theyd been waighting for just you to show up so they could speak with you xD
wrote 162 days ago
This was a gerqat poem a really good job.I like how your poem did not rhyme its a really goood talent to write great non-rhyming poetry
wrote 163 days ago
love it. =] the wind really doesnt get enough credit nowadays. =]
wrote 164 days ago
Excellent! I like the entire scheme and flow. The lack of apparent rhythm/meter threw me off at first, but as I continued that sort of got hidden by the words. God's Creation is lovely indeed, but the wind especially. Good work. No errors as I can see.God bless-Chance
wrote 165 days ago
wow its really great!!!can you read my poem too?
wrote 166 days ago
it's pleasant enough, for sure.i think my favorite line was, "the clouds want peace and calm." great use of personification.
I love your personification on nature. :] It's refreshing.
wrote 167 days ago
I love that this poem is light, and happy. Sometimes we really forget what it's all about. "He's won my heart today." I love that as a closing line :) its sweet! With Love, KimberlyAnn
This is very nice. It has a calming, soft feel. I like it.
wrote 168 days ago
You are a poet. This is beautiful. The way you personified the sun, clouds, and wind was really well done. You also were very good at illustrating how they made you feel. Keep writing.-Teagan
wrote 169 days ago
this is very beautiful. the personification you used was flawless and you described everything as a true poet would. good job:)
wrote 170 days ago
This is so lovely, it makes me long for a summer day of just lying on the grass instead of the blizzard outside. I think this'll go on my picks. :)(And on a side note, it's kinda awesome that there are 123 word in this.)
wrote 171 days ago
This reminds me of summer so muchIt's kind of nice considering all the snow I haveI liked it I thought it was very peaceful and relaxing
This poem sends me back to summer days as a child when I was playful and more innocent. Sigh . . . I miss those days. Good poem.
This is such a cute and sweet poem :)I love how it's just a relaxing piece, describing the surroundings.I really love the last line. "He's won my heart today" Very nice.
I'm not really one for poems, but I am a sucker for those that deal with something sweet or with music, and this is adorable, and hints at music toward the end. It paints a very pretty picture of a summer day outside, and the writing is very fluid to read. Nothing felt out of place. I loved the opening and closing stanzas.
it's really cute. innocent almost. i don't know, it just makes me smile. (:
wrote 172 days ago
This is really beautiful. I loved it! "It sings a soft melody in my ear. I can't tune him out..." ---I loved that part!Great work again!I hope you add more soon!
Wow, I really like this!! It's cool you thought of this. Very well written, too. My favorite part is "The clouds are fluffy pillows calling me to rest" I love how in the end you chose the wind. I have a suggestion, though, to stop at, "It's the wind", maybe it would make a more powerful statement. Just an opinion. But I do like the last lines! Overall, an excellent, sweet poem. Great job! ~gina
wrote 173 days ago
Oh, I like this. It's just pretty, and sometimes I think that's the most important thing. I mean, it is still powerful, but the thing that stands out most to me is just the lyrical quality. I mean . . . . It's just, well, really pretty.Gah. I'm sorry I don't have anything better than that.
i usually dont like free verse, but you did a really good job. I love the way you painted the scene with your imagery. congrats.Yours, William
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