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Rank 3500 (-60)
Word Count
94
Date submitted
02.06.2010
Date Updated
02.26.2010
by !Mwah*
Poem
Underneath it all the scars show.
What's hidding beneath my sleeves will give it all away.
On 1 Pick Lists
On 1 Watch Lists
8 Comments
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wrote 100 days ago
Wow. This is just...speaking to me. Because of, you know, my book. This is all lyrical and just amazing and powerful. Great job!
wrote 118 days ago
Wow. I've thought about cutting before, but could never actually bring myself to do it. This is another beautiful piece that really displays the feelings of the person narrating. 'So I cover up so no one can see,See my bleeding heart inside.' I realy liked that line. I can feel it. 'For maybe then I might actualy die. My heart, my soul, and my head.' Amazing. So much feeling. I love your work. It's very realistic and takes you into the mind of the person. The rhyming wasn't as perfect as some of your others, but it doesn't need to be with this piece. Excellent.
wrote 126 days ago
This is really good!! Such a powerful message it is!! I agree with Jelsa, I think that line should be changed and maybe a wording in a few of the other ones, just to make it even MORE powerful. Overall, you did really well. Good job!
wrote 147 days ago
I think there may be a better way to say “I don’t want to tell anyone.” Something more like, “I refuse to tell anyone” or something that indicates you’re in denial.“nothing is said though I’m already dead”—great line.The penultimate stanza isn’t my favorite… it’s not bad, it’s just that I think it could be worded slightly better. But that’s up to you, since I can’t think of a better way to say it.Maybe a comma after “soul” would make it a little more dramatic at the end.Great message. I can really hear your voice in the poem. I really did like it :D. the whole morbidity of it was presented in a very unique way.
wrote 148 days ago
This is very powerful. Nice use of language and the double meaning, hiding the blood, hiding the pain.It's a tense read and does it's job beautifully.Nice work.Leigh
wrote 156 days ago
This is wonderful! Although you might want to change the line "And on the outside my writst bleed"It doesn't really make sense....Other than that, this is really good!
wrote 174 days ago
I LIKE IT A LOT!!!!!!!!
wrote 175 days ago
This is really good. I can REALLY relate to this one! :]
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