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Rank 722 (-14)
Word Count
21081
Date submitted
02.13.2010
Date Updated
03.16.2010
by Siena Dexter
Book: Romance, General Fiction
In Sophie's world, everyone is escaping from something
At seventeen, Sophie's greatest achievement is being the sister of a famous actress, her biggest vice is denial, and her most significant concern is how she will pay the bills.When Sophie meets Blake Edwards, star of the world-renown 'Moonlight saga' on the set of sister Lydia's latest film, she is captivated. It is all too easy to forget her mother- who barely leaves her bed and her sister's growing reputation for letting loose in all the wrong ways.When an encounter in a London gallery reveals more of Blake than Sophie ever considered, she indulges in the fantasy of a happy-ever-after. Reality soon dawn on her dream as her mother's condition worsens and her sister is less than enthusiastic about her new-found spotlight. In a world where celebrities are the new aristocracy, can two perfectly matched individuals bridge the divides of society?
On 2 Pick Lists
On 10 Watch Lists
35 Comments
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wrote 130 days ago
"Simon Smales, He was as crepy as the name suggests . . ."I think this is my favorite line from chapter 5, I was laughing out loud. good chapter.
wrote 134 days ago
This is really actually very good! I absoluetely love your style, it's very creative and somewhat poetic, has great imagery. I love the adjectives you use. This is a very original story, and that's really what I look for on here anymore since all of the stories are about vampires. This is great. Good job. you have a great writing style! :D good look with this! :D It has great potential :) :)~Ash
Chapter 2- things start getting dramatic and here's the sticky situation for Sophie.Chapter 3- I really like Blake and the way he thinks, he seem s a little bit like a smart ass and I like that.Chapter 4- another sticky situation which causes Sophie to break and go back to her sis.I like the way you throw random thoughts into Sophie like "Maybe I should get a cat." I also like the way you bring up her and her sister old childhood memories perhaps when they were closer, it gives hope to the readers that maybe the two can work things out. Also you have a way with words your visuals are fantastic, you made me want to go to a cafe and have coffee and scones.
I adore it! Right away I could feel how sincere your writing is, lots of heart and soul. I like Lydia's personality and how easily distracted she gets; I think she going to be a fun character to keep reading about. I like how you added Beethoven's V in there at the end of the first chap( I'm a nerd who likes classical music). I also like how you're making her go to a film set , based on your ME PAGE I read that you have had experience in all sorts of creative arts and I think your experience shows in your story which is why it feels so sincere to me. The only thing I'd say you could maybe fix up is using to many . . . 's other than that you're so going on my picks list . . . I can't wait to read more. This is a fun, refreshing, and truly entertaining story!
Hi Siena! This is a creative, detailed, and well-written piece of fiction storytelling! :-) I love the real-world references to Pinewood Studios, and also the seeming jibe at Twilight Saga through the "Moonlight Saga". Lol. With your great dialogue and heartfelt sense and style of writing, I think you could have a winning book on your hands here. I am thus happy and proud to pick it for my picks list. :-)Yours Truly,Kevin WongAuthor of Heroes of Destiny
wrote 136 days ago
I just read the first chapter of this and I'm loving it so far. Your main character has a great voice, and I understood so much about her relationship with Lydia from just a few sentences about her. Great work. :)
Hi! I just finished the third chapter, and I'm still loving this story :DThere were a few typos, though."Stray-painted" should be "spray painted.""The sleep black shape..." I think this is supposed to be "The sleek, black shape..."That was about it for typos/corrections.XD I love the fact that this Moonlight is a play on Twilight (and from the comments, I'm not the only one who noticed...). The fangirls were a good touch, as well. :]
wrote 138 days ago
I just read the first chapter, and absolutely loved it! It was extremely well-written, and I loved all the little details. I also liked the characterization here and the plot looks interesting, as well. The way you make your characters seem life-like and easy-to-relate-to was incredible.I'm adding this to my watch list (maybe my picks :D)!
wrote 140 days ago
This is very good. Your writing style is almsot flawless and it feels like I'm reading a published book. This is truly great and I had fun reading it.
i like this a lot so far--especially how "the moonlight saga" is an obvious play on twilight. i love stories that are about average people dealing with a lot of problems.... they're relatable, even if you're not dating a famous actor!deirdre
This is really a pretty picture. So far that you basically use alliteration for the topic is pretty creative also. Nice one. Goes to my reading list/watch list
wrote 149 days ago
I've read the first two chapters and think this is great! I like Sophie so much.She's easy to relate to. I like the way you describe things -the paparazzi frenzy - that was good.Man/boy tall and in full Victorian costume - odd...sounds mysterious.Lydia cracks me up. What a diva-fitting!I can picture Hampstead. It sounds like somewhere I'd love to go.Thanks for the good read so far. I'll be back. :)Diane
wrote 154 days ago
uhmmm.. great story so far, but this is not my kind of genre (i love romance though)hmmm.. there's not much to be said about (coz i dont want to be redundant)almost everything have been pointed out, sooo.. this is going to be on my watch list :)
wrote 158 days ago
Fun read so far. Sophie has some kind of messed up life. She can’t really count on anyone in her life, except, maybe her sister who has a problem of her own. There’s not much money in her life to help pay off the mortgage. I like the “parody” of the whole Twilight book/film thing. It makes me laugh. It’s cool that Sophie gets to know the real Blake. (I really like that chapter with Blake’s point of view. I get to see who he is and what he is thinking.) Corrections: Ch 1“Name[,]” he repeated.Then, I felt five sharp nails grab my arm[.]“My mum does make-up[.] I’m just help out. Anyway[.]” [She] [sighed] dreamily with a last illicit glance at the actor in the blue coat [and] said[,] “…”Ch 2“That’s not very nice[.]”I adjusted my collar[.]“Yes. You are weird. Oh, I almost forgot[.]” [She] brightened…“[Can’t] this wait?” [She] looked around…“It’s about mum[.]”She crammed her hands into her jeans[.] “[And]…”She took a series of small deep breaths[.] “[You]…”“I have to go. I’m late[.]” [She] turned to leave…“Look[,]” [she] said…“Here, take this[.]” [A] silver card…“Lydia[.]”Finally, with an apologetic smile, she whispered[,] “…”There was a click of recognition[.] “[Ooooooh] Sophie…”“We have to pay the mortgage soon[.]”“Yes, still here[.]”“I love you[.]”Ch 3“You must have had plenty of offers[.]”“Well[,]” said the journalist…Blake straightened up[.]The journalist raised her brow[.] “[It] was all over the papers last week[.]”“Not any I’ve read[.]”He smiled slowly[.] “[Doubtful]…”The bright pink lipstick curved into a coy smile[.] “[Interesting]…”“But not real enough for you[,]” he read out loud.“Yes,” he replied[,] “it is.”“Ah, [your] friends are here again[,]” Mr[.] Ed-ua-reds[.]”Ali threw a palm up[.]Blake’s fingers dug into his palms[.] “[Drive] slower[,] Ali.”“I never really existed[.]”“But you are real[.]”Ch 4“Lyd[,] it’s me[.]”“I had…car trouble[.]”“Yes[,]” I breathed[,] “do…”“[She] might be on the stage already[,]” Amelia suggested…Amelia waved to a group of guys with headsets[.]“Wow, I’m jealous, that’s so cool[.]”“Well[,]” Amelia urged…“Um. No[.]”“[It] looks good sis!...”“[Do] you see what I mean?...”“Soph?” [Her] voice surprised me… “[What’s] wrong?”“[It’s] mum[,] isn’t it?”“[He’s] such a dickhead.”“[And] you actually tried to walk five miles? You’re so fucking mad[.]” [She] tugged…I blinked twice[.]“I just need to borrow some money to cover the mortgage and a ride to my car[.]”“Oh[,] who cares about money?” I’ll pay for the house[.]”“No[.]” I shook my head[.] “[You] know she won’t accept anything [from] you[.]”“You’re right. [The] stubborn witch[.]”…Mostly, you’re missing a lot of punctuations at the end of the dialogue and you need to capitalize the beginning of dialogue.
Oh wow, this is great so far. I love the characters, &the voices you give them I'm only on the third chapter so sorry for the lack of praise in this comment. I plan to leave a better one when I finish (:!
wrote 159 days ago
This is a good start. You seem to have an authentic voice, though I'd maybe lose the "like" and "totally", which sound like a younger teenager, and maybe won't, like, date well. But I could be totally wrong.The other thing that occurred to me is that "Blake Edwards" is the name of a movie director, and you probably wouldn't want his name referenced in your character. Then again, your target audience probably wouldn't know, anyway...Other than that, I didn't notice any cliched phrases (apart from Aladdin's Cave, and not so bad in context), so I think this is a good start, good enough for some time on my pick shelf (when a slot opens).Best wishes with it.Regards,TomW
I read the first chapter and loved it!
wrote 160 days ago
Wow, I like the portrayal here. Never imagined what it would be like on a movie set with all the shallow movie stars. and the paparazzi made me think "ZOMBIE ATTACK!!" Just a little few tweaks here and there ("enough for a shadow of night" as opposed to "the shadow of night"), no real grammar issues though, nice job!
Really likeing this, you've got me hooked! I like Sophie's character, I think she's someone everyone can relate to. There's a few grammar mistakes but nothing that can't be easily sorted. You've got a great start of a story here, hope you post more up! Keep up the good work!
wrote 161 days ago
First chapter: great descriptions and well established setting. A little more description of the parking lot would be nice, maybe how th people are dressed, that sort of thing, but not much else. Liked the dialogue, (Lydia is a great name, btw) and how you potray the celebrity life. Keep it up and I'll keep reading ;D
Just looking at the summary I can already tell this will be worth my time reading. Good job! I'll keep writing and also add this to my picks.
I read the first two chapters. Great so far, though i was a little confused at the begining of chapter two. I think that was my fault though, so awesome job!Is the Moonlight saga supposed to be like the Twilight saga?
so obviously i love it. i added you to my picks after reading the first chapter.i've read more now and honestly i can't find any criticisms at this point. i think i was too in to the story to notice anything. i'll have to go through it again d;
wrote 162 days ago
Love the name Blake! You excel at characterization. Your characters come alive and they feel like more than just names on a paper. Good job with that. Another big plus is your descriptions. Your writing is alive and vivid. I really loved this.
wrote 163 days ago
Hmm I haven't got the chance to read it now, but I will.~Nicole
no prob i understandi've got you on my reading listI'm sure we'll get along just fine after reading your summary. two peas in a podd;
I just finished the first chapter and all I have to say is, wow! Great work on the characterization of Sophie, I can already feel her character jumping off the the page.. uh.. screen. She sounds so natural and normal and she has this relatiable feel to her that makes you love her instantly. <3I feel that maybe a stronger first paragraph could be used. The hook was excellent and captured your attention instantly, but the following few sentences felt like they dragged. Maybe it's your use of the ';' (which I see a lot of, actually) is what seems to bog it up, but I'm not sure! Although I like it, maybe think of switching some things?I love the line where she checks her teeth in the mirror for the cereal. Oh my gosh, I giggled so hard because I know how this feels. I'm totally just like her when it comes down to things like that.When you use dialogue, there should be a period of a comma inside of the parenthesis. A comma only comes along if a dialogue tag is attached. For example:"Alex, come here," I said.If there is no dialogue tag or if it just ends off with nothing but a new paragraph, there should be a period:"Oh, I see." He shifted on his feet..."You know, you can totally beat her in that race."I nodded to that..See what I mean? Otherwise, I saw nothing wrong here! Your grammar is superb and the character isj ust so.. ah! I'll be back to read more. If I'm not back soon, message me a reminder! <3
wrote 166 days ago
Ok so I've only read chapter one and this is really really good! Your characters are well developed. I adore Sophie already. Your attention to detail is wonderful and your desciptions are perfect. They add so much imagery and I can picture each point of the storyline already. Great job and good luck! I will be reading more of this.
Okay wow. That's all I have to say.I just finished the first chapter and this is awesome. The characters are very relatable. I love love love Sophie. Some of your lines are absolutely genius. I really can't wait to come back and read some more of this.
Your description of the feelings Sophie experiences when she drives is the same for me! I like Sophie already. xD I'm only on chapter one, but this is going on my watch list!
wrote 167 days ago
I just read the first chapter, and I like this. The voice is very strong, and you had some really nice lines, like "Sometimes you have to scream to be heard" - that particular one made me stop and think. My only criticisms are that there were quite a few grammatical errors with commas, some slightly repetitive sentence structures (could just be my personal preference, of course), and that the beginning was kind of slow. In general, openings, especially of first chapters, should be fast-paced, exciting, gripping, and hooking.I know a lot of what I said was negative, but there were a lot of good things in this too. It's just that as an author, I prefer knowing what's wrong with my piece, and I assume that you do as well. But please realize that I really enjoyed this! The dialogue was very well-written and I like the relationship hinted at with Lydia and the narrator, because it feels very true.
wrote 168 days ago
I really like this. I've only had time to read the first chapter, but it's good. I loved the dialogue and it's all realistic, which is good! It's also very unique and I like that! Great work! :)
“Without having to like, chant”---loved this“With Lydia you’re always wrong”---perfect line, we already know the relationship“Absence of presence that made me unable to look away”---liked this“Have you not been like, living in the world?”---hah! This is great“maple syrup colored hair”—nice“The moonlight books, the moonlight saga”---hah! SO funnyOh ... this is great so far! I can't wait to read the next 3 chapters. Your writing isgreat, clean, detailed, original. I'm loving the story ... you've managed to make melaugh and get me to feel the family turmoil within these characters, AND get me intrigued with Blake Edwards ... ow, ow! Nicely done :) ~Morgan
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