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Book Jacket

Rank 2682 (-45)

Word Count

85

Date submitted

02.25.2010

Date Updated

05.11.2010

Before I Lie ic#7 and ic#16

by EscapingMyImagination

Poem

Keeping silent is hard.

Keeping silent is hard when you know something isn't the truth.

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onabona124

wrote 71 days ago

I like that poem! My only suggestion is to to change "If I keep it inside" to "If I keep it [all] inside."

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Scarlett Lettter

wrote 73 days ago

This is very interesting and i like the ending "hold on to your dirty secret and let me go" keep writing and keep me updated!!
:)

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Scarlett Lettter

wrote 73 days ago

This is very interesting and i like the ending "hold on to your dirty secret and let me go" keep writing and keep me updated!!
:)

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Starkluver13

wrote 77 days ago

this was really good and really creative. i love the rhyme scheme you used. good job! :)

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Crazy BlueRose

wrote 77 days ago

Very good! It rhytmes and it has a good meaning to the challenge.

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galapagos

wrote 81 days ago

this is really good. I am pretty short when it comes to comments so let me say this, this is really good and i love the flow of the words. good emotions, good poem.

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dragona1344

wrote 152 days ago

I like the conversational nature of this poem. It does sound like someone is actually speaking these lines to someone else...good job there!

My only suggestion would be to increase the complexity of your rhythms...this seems a little nursery rhyme-ish to me....(that is not meant as an insult, it is simply my point of view.) As a poet myself, I am always concerned with the way the lines and stanzas flow together. I have to read everything out loud before I post it, (or even finish it), to make sure it sounds the way I want it to. Maybe you should give that a try...good job though! I like the way you addressed the challenge prompt...

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TwistofFate

wrote 155 days ago

this is freaking great! :)

i love your vocabulary :) it really sticks out :D

great work here!

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bookwyrmm

wrote 155 days ago

This is great. The only problem I saw was it says "you" and the end where it should be "your". But like everyone says, great last line.

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GracieJordan

wrote 155 days ago

I like the rhyme. It came easily without the feeling that you were manipulating the words and changing what you were trying to say to fit the scheme. I love the last line "hold onto your dirty little secret and let me go." It shows a maturation through the poem from the beginning where you are going to hold onto his lie and the end when you're going to let him stand on his own with the problem he caused.

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LibraryGal

wrote 155 days ago

Short, sweet and to the point! "I don't want to lose myself/To protect your dirty little lie" -- well stated.

Good luck!

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oriGINAlity

wrote 155 days ago

This poem is great. It flows well, and speaks volumes in a clean concise way. I see no need to change a thing, it's wonderful the way it is! Well Done :D

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iLike2WriteRandomStuff

wrote 156 days ago

really well written! I like the last part, when it said Hold on to your dirty secret/And let me go. Two thumbs up! :)

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Twilighter45

wrote 156 days ago

oooh i like this!!!! it rhymnes, i love rhymning stuff! good job!!!! :D

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