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Rank 614 (-15)
Word Count
95
Date submitted
12.06.2009
Date Updated
07.07.2010
by Dance_gem
Poem
Forbidden love is the cruelest form
A short take on a forbidden, cruel love, this poem tries to capture a sense of longing of the narrator.
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205 Comments
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wrote 14 days ago
I loved the olden day feel of this piece. It makes it more alluring, this is just gorgeous.
wrote 54 days ago
Amazing. I can imagine a man just sitting in his chair and clenching his chest from heartbreak. This is really good,it reminds me of Shakespeare's love poems. Nice touch of renaissance. My favorite line(s) are the whole second stanza(:
wrote 91 days ago
Wow. This conveys a lot of emotion. I really felt it when I was reading this. I love how you used old english words . that really made your poem unique. Nice flow nduse of words. Great vocabulary ... this is really beautiful , the second paragraph really spoke to me. great job with this !! Samantha
wrote 97 days ago
You shift the rhyming scheme in the last stanza which caused the rhythm to stumble. Otherwise, It was good. The old English words added to the style.
This was amazing! I loved the usage of the word thy, thou, and 'tis. those words are what made the poem so wonderful! I understood the whole thing and it flowed nicely. Amazing, amazing job :)
wrote 144 days ago
Loved this!! I felt like i was reading Shakespeare with a modern touch! It was awesome, well done!
wrote 164 days ago
It's a really beautiful poem and your choice of wording is just awesome. I really really enjoyed this poem and I love how effectively you conveyed what you were trying to get across. I was very impressed and I think you did an amazing job!
wrote 174 days ago
Very beautiful. The words are well chosen and they actually fit--too often fancy words are over done and clog the poem. They don't here. You did a really good job.
wrote 175 days ago
Oh, I love your writing style! I love how you incorporated that old style English, like "thy" and "thou". I always love that kind of speaking. This poem is very raw and emotional, and I can definitely the hurt the heartbroken person is feeling. I like how you broke up your rhyme scheme so that it varied. It made the poem more intersesting to read. My favorite line would have to be "'Tis with thine eyes/That thou broke a heart so strong". Just beutiful. Great job. =)
wrote 189 days ago
this is very good it shows how the person craves to be with the one that is forbidden.
Amazing poem! I love your word choices, they make it strong and well tied together. I know the feeling you have portrayed here.
wrote 191 days ago
Wow. This is amazing! I love the way you describe forbidden love, and I think you did capture it's true essence.
Its beautiful. I understand it the feeling from this is true and believable
I like the technique you used here (even though I read some sentences a few times haha) It is good to try something different and I think you did a good job.
Good job, I am impressed. I loved the sophisticated style of your verse. Your imagery really adds drama and emotion. The first stanza is my favorite.
wrote 192 days ago
Wow, I can really relate to this poem, especially the part "'Tis with thine eyes that thou broke a heart so strong". I love it, very nice job, please keep at it! :D
1. I loved loved loved how you threw in some old English to this.2. This is just incredible. I wish I could write poems like yours!!
I adore this poem.It's amazing:)
wrote 193 days ago
i love this poem so much!!! its going in my picks!!!
wrote 196 days ago
'Thy touch, a taste forbidden'- this really pulled on my heart strings!I'm going to put tis on my watchlist cuz my Picks are full now, and it'll eventually get onto my Picks. :)
wrote 198 days ago
this is beautifull i really sont even know how to respond to that.
wrote 199 days ago
"Thy beauty and strikingness, seal traits so bold"----love this! Love the word 'striking' in describing beauty!'Tis with thine eyes that thou broke a heart so strong"---love this"The emptiness inside of me, it feels so wrong"----this is great"thy scent still lingers, floods the senses"---so good!You are AMAZING!!!! I absolutely love this! You are so talented! Bravo! ~Morgan :)
agreeing w/ rockinchemikalz...beautiful and romantic in it's own sort of way.
wrote 201 days ago
beautiful and romantic in its own way :)
This is amazing! One of the most beautiful poems I have ever read. Please keep writing. This is true art work! Truly beautiful :)
wrote 202 days ago
beautiful!! it's absolutely amazing! the best part about it is that it kinda reveals how someone feels inside when they're in that situation
wrote 206 days ago
loved it
I love this. No questions about it. Amazing.
I love this one!,so shakespearean to me xDIt's very good though,like seriously. Full of emotion and meaning.:]]
awesome! you rally are an amazing poet! just keep doing this.
wrote 207 days ago
This is stunning.I love the choice of words, they're so full of emotion and meaning.You're an amazing poet. Honestly. Well done!
wrote 208 days ago
you're just incredible. never stop doing this!
Awesome! I was thinking, if you want, maybe seperate the last few stanzas into a seperate part. It seems too long. But overall wow :]
wrote 209 days ago
Good work! I like the poem and the thought that lies beneath! The old school english is a nice touch too ;] However, your ryhme scheme is just a wee bit off. But hey! the pros don't ever follow the rules and neither do you!! good stuff! If you get the time, check out my book "Entwined". Thanks!!
wrote 210 days ago
I love the old english. It may sound wierd but this is a compliment, the first time i read it through, i couldn't tell it was rhymed. It just seems effortless and not forced like other rhymed poems are. It is beautiful.
Good poem very thoughtful....could use a lil work....But it is really good
I like how this poem flows very dynamic and coming from a fellow dancer i think we both know the importance of being dynamic, fast and then slow in some parts, you're writing gives a new twist on the classic broken heart sad story, well done work on it a bit more, I'm sure it will be amazing- Drew
wrote 211 days ago
One word can describe this, beautiful :3you have chosen some lovely words
wrote 212 days ago
hmmmmm i liked it. almost all of the rhymers on site seem forced or unoriginal, but yours is nicely done. the 'you' should maybe be replaced but i didnt notice it until my second read. then there was the subject. there are hundreds of love poems here, but yours seems fresh and new. perhaps the archaic language is the reason for me thinking so. i write with it too.finally, you successfully avoided the singsong affect that it is every poet's obligation to avoid. that probably also contributed to the poem's uniqueness. good job.yet no matter how many 'good job' comments you get, you should strive to improve everything about your work. you have great potential.
It does express the emotion and flow well. And the rhyme scheme doesn't feel forced (although it is a bit simple in places). I also appreciate the sense of old language, and it is surprisingly correct. I don't mean that as an insult, either, but many people simply cannot use such archaic English correctly.Except in the first stanza. You use 'you', and it doesn't fit with the older style of the poem, or it's incorrectly used in the older sense. 'You' could be used in the traditional sense if it was a group of people or if the person was beneath you. But really, you use thou throughout the poem, and it ought to be 'thou' in this instance. I know this probably sounds like a stupid thing, but it just doesn't really fit with your poem, and if one person noticed it, chances are some other medieval buff out there will, too (and we're an awful, sarcastic, arrogant bunch).Also, although it's not a very original concept, it is very pretty. It definitely has a special sort of charm. It definitely has style.
Wow, first of all way to keep the rhyme scheme going throughout the poem! I also like how you mixed old-world style language with the universal concept of longing. This is a little choppy in the beginning, but maybe that's how you wanted it to be? Not quite sure. it could just be the way i'm reading it. overall, this is a well crafted poem full of emotion. two thumbs up!
wow this was really good, you used old english in such a way that made this poem very powerful.
I really get a sense of this pain. Your use of old english just gives it that edge to make all the more powerful. I love it.
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