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Rank 194 (-15)
Word Count
401
Date submitted
10.13.2009
Date Updated
01.12.2010
by Sila
Poem
The components of a human are thus: one part flesh, to one part bone, with equal parts mind, and two parts soul.
somewhere there is a piece missing.
On 18 Pick Lists
On 17 Watch Lists
86 Comments
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wrote 138 days ago
This is incredible. Not just technically speaking (though the rhyming was something to behold) but also the emotions and message behind the words. You just got it so right. Especially with the lines "I want to be me, but since I don't know who that is, I guess I'll never be free" I guess that's really what it's all about - finding ourselves. This was really really real and amazing.
wrote 14 days ago
I really enjoyed this poem. The light and shade. The showing of self sacrifice but in a unique way. I particular liked the line I help them espace their demons, while I am mained by their claws.I think a lot of teens would relate to these feelings. Will be putting on my picks next rotate.
wrote 18 days ago
wow, I think I've read this before, but I'm glad I read it again.Really Really good.Just the message I needed today in particular,Excellent job
wrote 23 days ago
This is amazing. are you a pro? I don't even know what to say. I want to comment but there are no words to describe what I'm feeling, or what I think of this! My goodness! Very relatable also. I dunno what else to say, besides this is indescribable.WRITE ON:)
wrote 26 days ago
wowww you have a real talent !!!!
wrote 27 days ago
Wow. This poem stuck to me, and kind of gave me goosebumps. Phenomenal job. I was waiting to find one last amazing piece to put on my picks. I believe I found it.
wrote 28 days ago
my favorite lines are i help them escape their demons, while i am maimed by their claws--brilliant! truly shows the human spirit's complexities.
wrote 32 days ago
I am awestruck. This is amazingly amazing. I am astounded that this isn't in the top 5 yet. It is so beautiful and emotional and I love it. I'm just...wow. Phenomenal job. I'm adding this to my picks.
wrote 33 days ago
This was wonderful! Great theme, great rhyme and rhythm! I loved it. My only criticism (and it could just be me) is that in line 6 i think there may be a missing comma between the words "myself" and "afraid"; and in line 11 i think there may also be a missing comma between "here" and "only." It messes up the rhythm a bit if you read it aloud.
wrote 39 days ago
this was magnificent.everything you wrote,every rhyme, every word it really touched me.i felt as if i was right there feeling exactly how you were. i am going to add you to my picks
wrote 43 days ago
This was so poignantly beautiful. The emotions, the imagery...and how you tied it all together into a poem was just fantastic. This line really stuck with me: "I help them escape their demons, while I'm maimed by their claws." -- everything you spoke of and describe seemed to strike me to the deepest interval, and trust me, that's hard to do. I'll hopefully be adding you to my pick's next month.You've got some talent.
wrote 48 days ago
Beautiful writing, very vivid. I love the words, the message, everything about it. Great job!
wrote 51 days ago
"I move and breathe, but am I still alive?" That got me. So sharp and so beautiful. I can really feel the emotion in here.
wrote 52 days ago
“The mask held up so well, happiness is fun faking”---ooo, I liked this“the mask is breaking”---good“In my mind I hear the screams and feel the bars”---wow! This was great!“I’m locked away inside myself afraid to show these scars”---wow, now, this … is awesome“My wings wilt before me while my foundation is crumbling”---really nice“I speak of hope, yet I haven’t dreamed in so long”----yeah! This was awesome!“I repair other’s lives, while I lay bent and broken”---love this“I brighten other’s spirits, while mine grows dim”---good“An almost human tool”—nice“But since I don’t know what that is, I guess I’ll never be free”----this line says it all!!!!Wow! That last line ... bravo! But the thing is, that last line wouldn't have meant so much if you hadn'tportrayed the rest of the poem so nicely ... a perfect build to the message. Well done! ~Morgan:)
Amazing poem! :)
wrote 54 days ago
I love the last line!This is such a sad poem. But, the cool thing about it, many people can connect! Helping others is such a kind thing to do, and I love doing it too. But what happens when you don't get the help in return? Such a sad Earth we live on.You have a rich vocabulary, mainly with the verbs telling us everything and anything we need to know about the narrator and what is trying to be said. The description of this poem is superb too! It just drew me in to check it out, and then the emotions of it all made me feel sad and kind of happy at the same time. I don't know how that works.Very good job! I'm definitely picking this :)
wrote 55 days ago
This is wonderful, emotive writing. Your imagery is evocative and drew me in quickly. Your attention to language (use of strong verbs rather than limp adverbs, for example) shows that you care what you're doing and how your writing makes an impression in your readers' mind. Great job! On my picklist with pleasure. Cheers, MJ - The Dark Light of November
wrote 59 days ago
this is amazing, i really love this, its makes sence,and i can relate to it,if you feel this way im sorry...
wrote 62 days ago
If I didn't know your age, I'd think the second half was written by a woman lamenting the way she's sacrificed her hopes and dreams for her family, going out of her way to support them and help them grow, but in the process she's lost herself. Motherhood is often a thankless job, which you'll probably find out some day down the line. Even though you didn't have that in mind when you wrote this, it resonated with me on that level. I think you have a wider audience that you know. Nice work.
wrote 66 days ago
I love the way you express yourself in this poem (either you or your 'character'). There is so much thought, so much emotion, and your rhyme scheme seems all but flawless. This is truly something worth reading; it is such a great write. =]
wrote 78 days ago
wow i love it! its beautifully written!
wrote 81 days ago
I like the verbs you use. I feel like my work uses just run of the mill verbs. I really like "wings wilted" that is a fantastic image. But ... yeah as I reread it.... Your word choice is awesome... Maimed... Wilted...Craving:P
wrote 82 days ago
i love the last two lines.. it just helps pull together everything the rest of the poem was saying.. the poem just flows together amazingly.. Great great great job!
wrote 83 days ago
Hiya. I saw that safs recommended this on the pay it forward thread, so I wanted to check it out. I'm not disappointed! At first I was wary of the rhyming couplets, but I was soon completely absorbed. Such a brilliant portrayal of a martyr complex--is that what you intended? I like how every other line is bold; it's a visual representation of the battling sides of oneself. A hearty BRAVO to you!
wrote 84 days ago
Skill. That was one of the best poems I've ever read!
wrote 87 days ago
i like this one. :D
THis is amazing. The flow and rhyming scheme is brilliant. This poem is exactly how I feel most days when I get up. Really great!-Magz
wrote 88 days ago
I love this poem, i like how you give more detail on who is saying this in every line. It is full of emotion and i thought that the non-human who was saying this cared so much about others and wanted to care for its self but never could. Thumbs up from me! :)
wrote 90 days ago
This is a great poem. I think a lot of people will be able to relate to many aspects of this. I totally get this and have experienced the same sentiments at times. Nice. It's on my watchlist for the moment.Leigh FallonThe Carrier of the Mark
wrote 93 days ago
This is a strong, bold poem. I almost got a sense of an angel pondering on the part of themselves that is human. The speaker mentions being a 'tool' (instrument of God?) and mentions demons, which could be a Biblical reference? And 'wings' wilting - losing strength to carry on tasks as an angel?Ah I could be totally wrong. The poem certainly depicts a person who is sacrificing their entire self for the good of others, which isn't something most of us fallible humans are capable of."I help other's good causes, because I am a lost cause" - that's a powerful thought.There's lot of story in this poem - beautifully done.
wrote 94 days ago
This is amazing, I could totally picture what you were portraying, great job.
This poem is very interesting. I have a few nits.Happiness is fun faking, but only for so long, the mask is breaking. – great line!Lost in my darkness- that line should not have ellipsis“Where am I, can’t seem to find my way” and “In my mind I hear the screams” and “I repair other’s lives.”– those lines need a comma at the end because they are separate thoughts from the lines following them.I highly recommend keeping the same tense throughout any one poem, short, or book. “The mask held up…” and “In my mind I hear…” – There is past and present in the poem that are interspersed. If you change tenses, it may be best to separate the sections based on their tenses, instead of each new line being a new bag of tricks so to speak.“Something with so much hated…”- hate I think is what you want there.“I don’t want to be a tool, I want to be me, but since I don’t know who that is, I guess I’ll never be free.” – great ending!This is a good poem. Good luck with it!
Amazing. My only thought(:
wrote 95 days ago
THis is marvelous work.
Not a huge fan of poetry but it is clear by you writing that it is something you are passionate about. PickedT.L Tyson-Seeking ELeanor
Wow, this really resonates. I think a lot of people can relate. One thing I noticed, in line 13, did you mean to say 'hated' or is it supposed to be 'hatred?' Great stuff!
Wow! your poem is so amazing! It really captures the human condition! I love it! It made me wamt to cry. lol.
wrote 100 days ago
I am placing this upon my shelf because I like to encourage people. Personally I like poems that don't rhyme myself. Keep writing. T.l Tyson-Seeking Eleanor
Great poem! I love your style, the imagery, and your structure. Very enticing, great to read!
wrote 102 days ago
what's up? Just added your book to my pick list (was as soon as I could) - again, nice work!
wrote 103 days ago
Wowza, this is wonderfully and beautifully written with such vivid imagery to boot! "My wings wilt before me while my foundation is crumbling" is a superb line - my goodness, I love it! Excellent work on this! :)
I'm not a fan of poems as a rule, but this was very interesting. Good pitch and inventive layout. Highly enjoyable.
WOW! That's really all I have to say about this poem! It's truly amazing-so emotionally descriptive! When I was reading it, I felt as if I was this person-so desperate to be free, but doomed to be trapped...Amazing;)
wrote 105 days ago
I was crying by the end. It's amazing and beautiful, and I couldn't stop reading, every word is brilliant. I love this.
wrote 106 days ago
that was intense, wonderfully written, and beautifully laid out (I was a big fan of the alternate bold lines)Brilliant job =)(For the record, I don't say 'brilliant' often - unless I'm pretending to be British, but that's a completely different, irrelevant story)
wrote 108 days ago
This poem captured something for me - I am not sure what but it captured something strong and powerful.It told its own story through the words and yet you didint think of it as a story even though under it it seemed like it lol :DANYWAY!!! Realyl well written, its flows well and as said above is a very powerful piece :)Vicky x
wow beautiful poem hun. i like how you made each line a different font so we could follow the rhyme better. very nicely done. X
Nice!
wrote 110 days ago
This is very good. It provokes thought and is very well written. Double thumbs up to you.
i absolutely love this poem! it sounds like an angle trapped in her own, personal hell. loe the emotion and the way you compare and contrast to the things around you and the things you do! i love it1 im actually going to add it to my top picks!
Ooh, the demons and claws line is particularly nice!
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