Book Jacket

Rank 318 (+2)

Word Count

37877

Date submitted

12.11.2009

Date Updated

03.12.2010

Supernova

by Average_Superstar

Book: Science Fiction/Fantasy, Romance, Humor

A story about a girl and the superhero that she falls in love with.

"I can’t say what it was, but I felt as if I couldn’t live without him. And by some unusual force, he felt the same for me." Riley Clark is thrown into the adventure of her life after she is saved from a fire by the superhero Supernova. Now, on his mission to protect her, Riley, and Supernova's secret identity, Leo, must partake in many dangerous obstacles with the hope that all the danger will eventually pass. But not if Black Hole has anything to say about it.

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ChronicAnnie

wrote 17 days ago

Great story! I really like the characters, but sometimes it's hard to enjoy the story through the grammar and spelling errors. You might want to have a friend read over it with you, and work out some of the kinks in punctuation and such. Like I said, it's a great story, and is probably one of my favorites, if a bit predictable. :]

--Annie

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diran823

wrote 17 days ago

BEST. STORY. EVER. :)

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Juliet Steele

wrote 33 days ago

Hey! Sorry it took me so long to get around to reading this!
Anyways, I read the prologue and the first real chapter (2) and I thought it was really good! I really liked the dialogue. It struck me, IDK why. I guess it makes them sound intelligent without making them sound un-teen. I really thought it was good! There were a coupel of tense problems, but a re-read would probably fix that.
If you ahven't yet, I'd love it if you'd check out my SS, "Just Us"
Thanks!
J

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NUX

wrote 40 days ago

Wow! I loved your latest chapter, it was so romantic. I hope that in your future chapters Riley's mother will show her some sort of affection :( Great work though!!
~C

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BlindLover

wrote 42 days ago

I love it girl! I'm supposed to be doing class work I'm reading your story!lol
-shydeia

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Sila

wrote 45 days ago

I wrote this up EONS ago and forgot about it. Yeah, I’m an idiot. Anyhow, I guess it’s better late than never right? Hahaha.

I read this all in one sitting; I couldn't stop. Your story is interesting, and I was hooked. I think writing about superheroes isn't easy, because the market has been so monopolized by the likes of Marvel and DC. But for you to bring in a new hero, who seems like he just wants to be a kid, is great. I think what most people expect from superheroes is so generic, that with this book you have an opportunity to really surprise your readers. Supernova has a lot of potential. Having said all of that, looking critically at your writing, it does come off as rough. Right now your book reads like a first draft. The biggest areas that need work are: plot, character development, grammar, and sentence structure. I suggest you take a look at your dialogue too, although there was nothing seriously wrong with it, there is some room for improvement.

Plot, is something that is beyond critical to any piece of literature. You can have a story or an idea, but if you don’t have a good plot you really don’t have crap. What you have going on in your book isn’t bad it’s just a little straightforward. Throw some twists and turns into the mix, but keep things relevant to your central plot. The story you have already in place in great! And honestly I wouldn’t change a thing, but I would add to it. With superheroes and villains the possibilities are endless!

As much as I like your characters, sometimes they come off as a little flat and one-dimensional. Try and flesh them out a little more, really show the reader who these people are and why they function the way they do. Supernova/Leo is a very cool character and there is so much you can do with him because he does have that hero persona. Be creative with him and think outside of the box. With him, it might be difficult to come up with something original because of the whole, DC/Marvel world dominance. But you’ve already created something original, so I have no trouble believing you’ll do it again. The mother/daughter relationship in the story has the potential to be a real plot mover, and if you work it right could be a really great element to the story. Perhaps you could enlighten the readers as to why the mother is the way she is; what happened, why she treats her daughter the way she does, was there something in her past to make her act this way, or is she really a villain in disguise? Just play with it. The romance . . . I don’t mind it, though really I’m not a romance fan. I would like to see it develop more, because it felt kind of rushed. It was like bing, bang, boom we’re in love. I’d like to see some sort of a build up to it. One last thing, Riley and Leo are starting to remind me of a certain vampire/human couple, just be mindful of that. The whole, “I can’t live without you” dynamic is very romantic, but can come off as cliché. As far as Riley goes, I really like her and she's a great character. I'd just like to see more to her.

Grammar and sentence structure aren’t something that I can really give any form of advice or crit on. So basically, just be careful, go through spell checks more than once, read your work out loud, and if need be have someone take a second look at it for you too. Sentence structure is something I think you’ll get the hang of the more you write. A few times there were run-ons, short choppy sentences, and some sentences just read as awkward. But that happens to everyone, so don't dwell on that too much. Okay, so very last thing; dialogue. It’s great, you’ve done really well with it so far, but sometimes it doesn’t sound natural. Again, with time and more writing, you’ll smooth out whatever kinks you have. I feel like there were points in the story where the dialogue seemed a little forced. From what you've shown up and who you've lead the characters up to be, some of the things they said sounded weird coming from them. It's like hearing my Grandma say "wassup yo". Weird right? Also, dialogue is a great tool that can be used to show what’s going on, let readers get to know the characters, add more to your characters, and even become a plot device.

I wish you all the best and I’m very excited to see what else you will write! You’re doing a great job!

Cheers!

-sila

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NUX

wrote 46 days ago

oh my god!! I can't wait to see the parents reaction.. update soon!!

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NUX

wrote 47 days ago

I really like the story line. Just the mother bothers me because I feel like her character is so unrealistic, the fact that she would actually be mad at her daughter for being in a fire, and be THAT uncaring of her child is unbelievable. Other than that and a few grammatical errors, great book! Can't wait to read more.

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Leigh Fallon

wrote 47 days ago

Wow this is so retro, an electric blue body suit with a big S on it. I didn't know where to laugh or not. Then Black Hole in his dark sister spandex. This is SO not what I was expecting. the writing up to that was so tight and well serious Supernova and his nemisis came as a bit of a surprise to me. I'm not knocking it though. I could see this as one of those comic book movies, you know half black and white, edgy sort of. I'm so intrigued now, I just have to read on.

The best of luck with it.
Leigh

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gillofnerd

wrote 48 days ago

I just finished the first chapter--and not the little intro but the whole first chapter. It's a really good story so far.

I think your intro has a few phrases that are a bit redundant; you might want to clean that up.

Also, on the next page, the part with the hairdryer and the sink was a little confusing.

I like how she makes a big deal about going to New York with her mom, when her mom couldn't care less. She does seem like a big, social outcast/ nerdy person. She's a very well-defined character.

Oh yeah, you say, "My imagination wasn't good enough to imagine something like that." This is a bit repetitive. Maybe you should say something like, "My imagination wasn't good enough to think up something like that." Just a suggestion ;->

This is really good. It's going on my watch list to finish later.

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MIC

wrote 48 days ago


“With the strength of a thousand elephants and the speed of a hundred cheetahs”---cool

“The blame lies with my ‘best friends’”---hah! What a great start!

“They had too much faith in us”—this was great

“not ready to go into my own personal purgatory”---this is good

“They didn’t seem to want to get close to me either, so I didn’t bother them”—so funny!!!

“Maybe I was switched at birth”---such a good voice

“that it is a surprise I didn’t have it memorized”---good

“So he wasn’t a figment of my imagination. That was a good thing”---hah! I love it!

“And now I had another reason to hate it more”---love this

“I hated shopping, so much”---so good

“You need to call them for insurance purposes”---nice!!!

Oh ... you are HILARIOUS!!!! I am loving this!!! Wow!! Bravo! Love the voice, the humor, the pacing, the writing ...
everything. Great work! ~Morgan:)

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blond-but-black

wrote 51 days ago

The feeling she described inchapter one is one familiar to every girl i think lol
I love this! It has a lovely 'vibe' about it, and I love her voice! There was oly one mistake I noticed, and that was, '...that has ever been seen with human eyes.' I think you mean BY human eyes. :) Hope that helped. This is wicked awesome!!!

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danakay

wrote 55 days ago

This is funny! I like the sarcastic comments that are made!

Here's a few suggestions:
- "mind set of a seventeen year old male" the 'male' at the end adds awkwardness
- In the beginning when emily is first introduced, her dialogue is a bit unrealistic and weird to say outloud, try rephrasing a bit. Otherwise I like the dialogue!
- Okay, I have to be honest: the old red truck reminds me of twilight, as does the last few lines in your prologue. But you have a unique story, so no worries there. Just those two things remind me of it.
- "I turned the blow dry off..." blow dryer
- eletricuting herself: does that add to the plot at all? if not, cut it. It seemed random.
- "WE came to tell you the train stropped, sense..." SINCE

I like this! you could probably move it along a bit faster, but I will keep reading and let you know what I think!

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clamster

wrote 60 days ago

I've only read the first chapter and this isn't a genre I normally read, but it was incredibly well-written. Very well done!

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cara_ruegg

wrote 62 days ago

"Seventeen-year-old" should have the hyphens. Prologue is real interesting. Makes me want to read on. "they had too much faith in us." hahahha I loved that. Love your voice and how easily I can get into your character's head. I like her! "....okay with this,' I urged" should have a comma. "My mom was right, I was going to grow up boring." ahahha loved that line too! you're hilarious. This is a great read so far. I'll have to come back for more.

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Maddie11

wrote 74 days ago

This is great so far!! Your characters are relatable and the plot flows well. I didn't notice many grammar mistakes and I liked the way you introduced the story... great job :)

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riotgirl8

wrote 78 days ago

I just finished the first chapter and i loved it! im definately coming back to read more!

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knelson101

wrote 79 days ago

The writing is very well done. I enjoy reading it and I can feel myself naturally falling in line with the story and the characters. It's relatable even the story is about a super hero. The only thing I would caution you about is that the premise and especially the start of the story is sounding alot like the Twilight story. I felt like you were describing Edward for a moment. Now, I didn't get all the way through the story so maybe this changes, but if not I would just caution you about it. I think this story could become something really cool that alot of girls will relate with and enjoy. So far so good! :) I really liked it :D
-K-

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♥♥bocababy10♥♥

wrote 82 days ago

pretty good. nice work!

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Ummyeahh

wrote 83 days ago

Finished the first two chapters-definitely pretty good [: I'll be back to read more.

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