ShekinahGlory

wrote 156 days ago

Oh my goodness! This is probably the most interesting storyline I've ever read! how did you come up with it? it's AMAZING! I love how it's a paranormal, fantasy, romance all at once! Very good job! I think that Raven and Rorek are ADORABLE together! I read until chapter eight, and I'm gonna read the rest once I have more time, but from what I read, it's VERY good! chapter one's my fav! lol raven is so fiesty it's hilarious! I love how Rorek is kinda her protector, it's really cool! If I were to make one comment, it'd be that there are a few spelling errors, but that's all I could find wrong with it. Very good work! :D

~ShekinahGlory

Rose T. Senegro

wrote 213 days ago

Haha okay, i'll just make it clear then:
The Point of Veiw switches every chapter. Rorek - Raven - Rorek - Raven ect ect
They are both my main characters. I've seen it done in books before so I know its not just something I made up in my head ^.^

Thanks for all the comments and All of you that put my story on your pick list!

Tianna Wallick

wrote 29 days ago

You must update soon. I love her "so-called" friend. rorek.

spink

wrote 77 days ago

oh my gosh this is really good! when i first started reading i thought it would be one of those dumb stories about other worlds but this is far from it. this is such an interesting story, i really like it and want you to add to this! i really love how Rorek and Raven snip at each other all the time and act like they hate each other, but you can tell that they really care and i think thats so sweet. im also really interested to find out what Raven actually is. keep up the good work!

Erica Susanne

wrote 95 days ago

OMG This is really good can't wait for more!!!!!!!

Desertfish

wrote 96 days ago

Hola
Sorry it took me so long to get to read this!

Chap 1-3
A good MC with a first-person voice is a great way [for me] to make a story interesting and entertaining. Two MC's gives you a more expansive point of view. Wow. And you're right to make the separation clear by giving them their own chapters. ["Bhowani Junction" by John Masters has three MC's! i digress...] Yuo make it work well by having the MC's interact continuously.

A few minor typos/edit ideas:

ch1
-Try making it "...looking directly at the spot where I'd just been standing."

-clothes [not 'cloths']

-She can see us too, Evea [not 'to']

ch2:

-defiantly? or definitely?

- I walked could to school - walked? could walk?

- squat - swat/squash

- Fight scene: "The demon leaned forward again..." - a bit confusing as to what happened - did the demon's claw injure Rorek's shoulder?

- Rorek feel - Rorek fell

- Krista has an accent? [I'd say more about the 'British accent' thing but I'd probably sound a bit crazed. I know it's acceptable currency in the U.S. but it annoys the piss out of Brits. Message me if you want the full rant]

- para starting "After asking if all Deities members..." - try making this info come out in conversation instead of passively. Your characters have good voices, and conversation just sounds more natural in your story.


One bit I particularly liked: "dead people protection place thing" - excellent! sounds just like my daughter :-)

I like this and will read more when I have time. You have a good plot going here, good MC's and a nice lively pace. The errors are really minor. As Trina Tragedy said, this is a very visual story and could translate well into a graphic novel or the screen.

ObsidianAmbition

wrote 100 days ago

Hey!!

Long time no read, right? I can't BELIEVE I've been off of Inkpop for so long!!! Well, here I am, fresh and ready to read more of your stories!

This story was extremely well written. I loved the world you made up and the relationships you built. The ending was a bit abrupt, but that's because (I'm guessing) there's a sequel (Yay!!!!!). Hopefully I'll be able to start reading the sequel soon :D

Trina Tragedy

wrote 112 days ago

Haha, so far I'm really loving the girl. XD She's awesome~~

"My bag[,] please[.]" [She] held out her hand impatiently."
"Thank you, sir[.]" [She] smiled politely before turning around."
"I don't know who the hell you are[,] but if I were you[,] I'd stay away from me,"
"I am annoyed. Annoyed by you. Now go away[.]" [She] turned around and continued walking."

I dunno, I'm not sure if I like how Rorek was so quick to tell Raven about the Death Deities. Isn't it supposed to be a secret?

"I know, I figured I would wait and see[.]"

"Tentatio Alica Tredech!" I yelled, aiming my hand at the demon. My spell knocked off [it's] left arm but it dodged in time to avoid the full blow." I love the magic words, but what did the spell look like? The demon's arm fell off, but it's not spewing blood or some sort of weird demon organs? I also barely know what the demon looks like, paint me a picture of the action. So far, it sounds a little too vague, but it also reminds me of a shounen anime, which is awesome.

"She closed her mouth and looked at her hand, which was covered entirely with blood." I loved that whole paragraph, because I could totally see that in my head. Very movie-esque, great job.

Pretty cool. I love the action, and I think the story should start somewhere closer to the part with the demon. I think that this has a really cool shounen feel to it (if you know what that is) and I personally think that I'd rather read this in comic form then book form because it's missing a lot of the details needed in these types of stories. Lovely work though ;)

Alyssa Snow

wrote 112 days ago

Alyssa Snow

wrote 112 days ago

buffy_summers

wrote 113 days ago

its really interesting! i love the story line and i love how he sounds so bad ass. keep up the good work!

Tracy Michelle

wrote 113 days ago

Chapter One:
I like the opening. When he stopped to help the girl I ameadily decided that I like this character. The opening scene was very well written and really drew me in. There were some spots where he is following the girl that came across a little choppy so you may want to look back over that.
There were a quite a few spots where the font was constantly changing sizes so it was a little distracting.
There were a couple of typos but those are easy to fix with simple, careful read throughs.
Over all this is a good first chapter

writinglife

wrote 115 days ago

Good opening. Raven is a very interesting character and her situation will definatly cause conflict, she's also somewhat real. Though maybe she should be a little confused about the Death Guardians. Rorek also seems real. Good job

Meerkat scribbles 24_7

wrote 116 days ago

Written with action , suspense , and romance it all adds up to one great read . I like the plotline and the characters , although to me ( just a personal view ) Raven seems a little unrealistic .
But other than that I found this to be quite interesting , and will be back to read more of it when I can :)
Great job ! Keep it up ! :)

molford

wrote 116 days ago

intriguing. a couple of small grammar/spelling errors, but very well written. i'll be sure to finish the whole thing when i have time, it's going on my watch list.

LA Knight

wrote 117 days ago

Chapter 1

When you have Raven speak about not wanting trouble and then the sentence about "Another voice came" that's actually two sentences, so the end of Raven's dialogue should have a period. Also, the comma in the middle of her talking isn't right. It should be a period, semi-colon, or hyphen.

Twice in a row, you say "voice came." Switch it up a little.


"The taller and stronger of two were..."
"of the two was...."

If someone is apathetic, they wouldn't roll their eyes. Apathetic means "characterist of lack of caring." Also, "She rolled her eyes apathetically" is an independent clause and should end in a period, not a comma.

Watch your punctuation. There are commas where there needs to be other things and no commas where there sometimes should be.

Guys usually don't shriek unless they're in mortal terror. He would've shouted, yelled, or bellowed. Probably bellowed, since he's a belligerent psychopath.

Rorek is either from another time altogether, or his dialogue needs reworking. He sounds formal, and I don't know if you're going for that. Just an fyi.

Is Raven a fighter? Like, grew up in the slums or something?

When someone speaks and then a person who is NOT the speaker commits an action, this action begins a new paragraph.

Wait, wait, wait - he's just going to tell her, just like that, that he's a supernatural entity working for a super secret organization in charge of dead people? Who does that?!?!

Also, she would threaten to call the cops if she thought he was stalking her. Not to mention, she would NOT give out her real name.

What was the spell?

Okay, this is how I critique and comment. I can't read and not do this. If you're okay with that, zip me a message and I'll keep going. If not... please tell me how the story ends!!!!

- LA Knight

Hexen

wrote 117 days ago

I read chapter 1 and 2 again - and I love them as much as I did the first time :)
I dont know why but the font changed halfway through paragraphs etc and it gets a bit confusing and becomes a bit of an 'eye sore' when reading.

As I have said before; this book has fantastic potential and I love your idea.
I think you could add more detail at the begging though, perhaps instead of her beating up the men he uses some kind of 'power' to harm them or something - may add a little bit for action and thrill to the story that way :o

Anyway, still love the way that he and Raven act together - although it could be slowed down where she belives him - its like 1 second she is all "I dont belive you!" then a paragraph later "Oh okay - I belive you."

Adding it to my picks [again]! :D

Redhead

wrote 117 days ago

I'm adding stuff as I go, so bear with me lol.
GRAMMAR:
"...if I were you, I'd stay away from me," [s]he said
"...Now go away[.]" [S]he turned around and continued walking.
"...following me," [s]he said, skidding to a stop.
"Don't touch me," [s]he said
NOTE: I'm getting repetitive here!! Um, for future reference, you don't capitalize the "she"'s after some dialogue.
also, if you do something like "(words words words)," she said, "(words words words)" then dont capitalize the next piece of dialogue unless it's a new sentence, if that makes any sense??? I don't know how to describe it any better than that lol.
THINGS I LIKED: I like the concept and I'll definitely keep reading, even if paranormal and romance aren't really my thing. It flowed well despite the grammar stuff. (I'm willing to bet that there's more than I put, sorry) I could also inda see it happening like a little movie screen in my head
THINGS I DISLIKED: Hmmm.... the grammar issues, for one. It kinda jars the flow and I know for a fact that some readers are put off if the grammar is near dialogue and spelling in particular (just a warning!) Sometimes you transition from one setting to another too quickly though- like, one moment, we're on Raven's street then the next thing I know, we're in the Deities Center. It's unavoidable at times though.
CONCLUSION: With a bit of polishing, this would be awesome!!! I can tell that this has a LOT of potential, and I hope that I didn't sound too mean here. I speak my mind and others just have to get used to it, sorry! lol.
~Dee Reidel (pen name not real name!)

habs_fan_<3

wrote 117 days ago

Just from reading the first chapter , I was automatically drawn in. I love that this isnt about vampires, wearwolfs, or any other creatures that we already are aware of from many other books. You created a new, interesting creature. The characters are well presented and you make it so that you have to read more and more to get to know th characters. Not everything is given away in the first chapter, which is why I now have to keep on reading. Amazing story line. great job.

~habs_fan_<3

blueview

wrote 117 days ago

You had a great beginning, starting with some action instead of a long boring explanation about the Deities. So props for that! You also did a nice job at making Raven not instantly believe about the Deities, though at times it moved a bit too quickly (like when she immediately believed what happened after the attack). To me, it would seem as if she would continue (at least for a paragraph or so) to think/say that it’s not real and that stuff, as it makes the story move a bit too quickly.
Other than that, it did capture my attention and you’re off to a great start with that first chapter. A few grammar mistakes. One thing you need to watch out for is after someone says something, no need to capitalize the ‘s’ in “she said’.

A few suggestions:
“[another] voice came…”

“I definitely [lived] in the moment…”

“…the girl was [incredibly] short and fragile looking.”

“…twisting it backwards, and kicked [the] man so [that] he fell to the ground.”

“As I neared her[,] she turned around.”

“…I’d stay away from me,” [she] said.” No need to capitalize ‘she’, since you have a comma before you close the quotation marks.

“Now go away[.]” She turned around…”

“Even a raccoon came by and ripped open [its] neighbor[’s] trash.”

“She can see us [too] Evea…”

Great job with this! I’m adding it to my picks :)

catfish

wrote 118 days ago

i like it so far! the main character reminds me of Kaye from Tithe by Holly Black. have you read it? this is really good; it'll probably take me a while to read it cuz i just bought a couple of books from borders that i want to read too. good job though!

WickedlyAmazing

wrote 118 days ago

Oh. My. God. Your book is one of the most amazing I've ever read! I was totally hooked from the very very beginning and I just read the last line of chapter 3. I'm totally jealous of your writing skills! Now I'm dying at the suspense!!! Ahhhmazing job. :D:D This went on my pick list when I started reading it :D:D Hope to chat with you soon! :D

Cato077

wrote 118 days ago

This is a pretty cool plot. It almost reminds me of Jim Butcher's Dresden Files. I find your character names fitting, love the name Raven by the way. I read up to chapter 2. There are a few parts where i feel there are awkward parts, usually around the places where there are two different fonts. The wording is awkward, not the actual format. The idea of shinagomi or grim reapers being around to protect rather than steal lives is a great idea. Very interesting.

One specific mistake i found: in chapter 2

"or boogieman, DEFINITELY brought"

Overall pretty good, pending picks list.

anilawrites

wrote 121 days ago

Hey, this is really well written! Your prose and style is individual to your voice and it's a great support to an already well thought-out plot. Starting off with the conflict had me hooked, though the first chapter may be a bit lengthy, I found my attention straying. Still, I really liked this, even though I'm not normally inclined to read paranormal fiction. So well done! and good luck with your revisions!

Herald Angus Penn

wrote 121 days ago

Very cool premise! You definitely took advantage of your free reign to create awesome action and unique paranormal situations. Must have been fun to write! I love the interplay between Raven and Rorek -- you've definitely built an element of intrigue there that is fun to read. It's clear you have their voices down to a tee. Your writing is fresh, moves quickly and smoothly with short, concise paragraphs, and keeps the reader hooked. You have a great concept here! Keep revising to make it the best it can be.
-H.A

Burning_Neverland

wrote 121 days ago

Ohhh, You Have Definitely Got Me Hooked. I Think I Might Just Have To Come Back And Read Some More.
I Love How You Use Words Too, And You've Polished It Off So Well Already, You Know What Needs To Be Said And What Can Be Left Out.
There Is One Thing That Bothered Me However. Where You Said The Demon Was Level Three, Well It Sounds A Little Too, I Don't Know, Poke'mon Maybe, For A Paranormal Romance Like Yours? Maybe You Could Come Up With Another Term Or Re-Phrase It?
Otherwise Your First Chapter Is Just Amazing. You Are Such A Great Writer, This Blew Me Away In Just A Few Pages. ;D

adeline59

wrote 123 days ago

This story presents a very original concept that hooks readers from the beginning! :]

danakay

wrote 124 days ago

"I listened to the sound of my own [footsteps] on the sidewalk"
I like "the girls" personality right away :) She's fierce!
Your font changes sizes quite a bit, kind of odd.
Rorek: cool name!
"in a need [no 'ing] to understand sort of way"
You have SUCH a solid beginning here. I totally love the suspense as she's following the girl and the style.
Remember to break your paragraphs up a bit more :)
The interaction between Raven and Rorek is good! Realistic and witty.
Totally loving this. It gets so interesting once Raven goes to the Deities Center.
Picked ASAP!

mleedancerr12

wrote 125 days ago

I'm hooked. This is such an interesting storyline, how did you ever come up with it. I envy your creativity. The characters are developed well, and you write in a way that makes me want to read more. I've only read up to chapter four, but I will definitely be back for more, because I have a lot of unanswered questions. What's the deal with Raven's parents? What's going to happen between Roreck and Raven? But I suppose I will find out as I read on. And I like the POV switch for this story. It's cool seeing both sides. I can't wait to read more!
-Marisa :]

fadinglights152

wrote 125 days ago

I agree with the other posters, this is an interesting story line. But the fight scene at the beginning was hard to picture and some of Rorek's dialogue was a little odd for a guy to say. Like I remember he said something about helping the 'young lady' not many guys I know would say that. That's really the only nitpick I have. I thought it was an interesting idea and I think you wrote it well aside from a few misspelled words, but everyone has some of those :)

~fading~

Velvet Ice

wrote 125 days ago

Hi Rose. A great concept here - a nice mix of paranormal with romance, exciting action sequences and authentic dialogue, although I did find the first piece of action in the paragraph beginning 'Ah' a little hard to visualize.

On the whole I like your writing style but it could on occasions be strengthened. For example, the use of 'was' is weaker than just using the past tense. So the phrase 'from the alley I was approaching' could be expressed as 'I approached an alley' or 'were holding' could be 'held'.

Also sometimes you could perhaps lose some words. eg. 'Without wasting a moment' is not needed. This can make the writing tighter.

I'm sure you know there are typos, but I'll mention a few because it's sometimes difficult for us to see our own:
- 'stronger of (the) two'
- 'exp(l)ain'
- 'can see us to(o)'
- 'defiantly' - I think you meant 'definitely'
- 'when you knew(n) the truth.'

I like the original idea of the Death Deities and you are building some sympathetic characters. I don't mind the shift in POV in different chapters. It's a good way to experience what is happening from both Rorek and Raven's viewpoints. There's a good plot here and excellent story telling. Will be happy to put it on my pick list. Velvet Ice

tennisketter

wrote 126 days ago

Wow, Raven is fierce! I love her! That's totally cool that she can see him when she's not supposed to. There was some weird things going on with the font, I don't know if that was supposed to be intentional or not. Either way. Nice opening!

Ravenrose

wrote 126 days ago

I am thouroly impressed. Such and interesting premise. There's only one thing that bugged me. Rorek seemed so willing to tell Raven everything about him and his wor. If he does such mysterious work, wouldn't he be more careful about spilling everything to a human? Also, try to start more sentences with something other than 'I'. Some sentences require it, but using it over and over in one paragraph begins to make it sound repetitive. Other than that, it's very VERY interesting. Defiantely unique, and I look forward to seeing it on shelves soon!

rainshadow

wrote 127 days ago

I like the first chapter - very cool. The girl especially. I couldn't find any MAJOR errors, except for a little few spelling - and really, who doesn't have spelling errors?
Like everything, even published things, this just needs a little dusting.
Anyhoo,
Happy writing,
rainshadow

Mcrae by Nature

wrote 131 days ago

Review of The Death Deities,

Chapter Two,

“My [heard] skipped a beat.” should be ‘heart’

Oh, I love that you have put him in school with her. That was a great move, plot-wise.

Poor Krista. I do find it a bit too coincidental that her friend was attacked by a demon, but it was very exciting.

Wow, the fight scene at the park was, yet again, very well written.

This was really good. I love the names you use, Choir, Evea, and the way you classify the demons was very clever as well. Great job and keep up the work.

Carrie L McRae
Things that Break

Mcrae by Nature

wrote 131 days ago

Review of The Death Deities,

Chapter One,

You start this off with a bang and that is compelling me to read on. :P

“...and held out her hand.”

“My bag please,” she held out her hand impatiently.” in this section, you say “held out her hand” twice. Maybe if you edited the second one to say, “My bag, please,” she said impatiently.” (Just a suggestion)

I love this girl’s feisty personality. You write out the action in this scene very well. Fighting is one of the hardest things to write and you did it very nicely.

“I am annoyed...” HAHAHA, that was great.

Wow, about halfway through chapter one and my head is buzzing with questions. How can she see him? What does that mean? This is great so far.

Wow, that was crazy. The demon was very terrifying and I like the idea of deity centers being disguised the way they were. Your story is really exciting and I can’t wait to read more of it.

Carrie L McRae
Things that Break

ShekinahGlory

wrote 131 days ago

wow I love the ending! I am superdy duper excited for the next book! *sigh* Chior and Krista are so cute together! Very awesome story, Rose! :D

Silverdreamxx3

wrote 131 days ago

Ohh this is great! It's a really interesting story line, and already your characters are well developed. I loved Raven's attitude in the first chapter =] it was funny. I will most deff be back for more (I'd keep reading but I have to write an English essay). This is going on my picks, nice job!

Silverdreamxx3

wrote 131 days ago

Ohh this is great! It's a really interesting story line, and already your characters are well developed. I loved Raven's attitude in the first chapter =] it was funny. I will most deff be back for more (I'd keep reading but I have to write an English essay). This is going on my picks, nice job!

Silverdreamxx3

wrote 131 days ago

Ohh this is great! It's a really interesting story line, and already your characters are well developed. I loved Raven's attitude in the first chapter =] it was funny. I will most deff be back for more (I'd keep reading but I have to write an English essay). This is going on my picks, nice job!

RikoYuzuyu13

wrote 133 days ago

Okay, I've read chapters 5-8 today. I wish I wasn't so busy so I could read more, it's really getting interesting now. I like the way you moved the plot along. Chapter 6 and 8 were espicially great, I think you write really well from Raven's viewpoint. Rorek's is good too, but Raven's is better (Don't worry, my freinds who have read some of my other stories tell me the same thing, only they say I write better from a guy's point of view :P) I'm getting really excited over this story right now, I'll probaly actually read some more tonight before bed...

RikoYuzuyu13

wrote 134 days ago

So I only got to read one chapter today, sorry. I'm loving the building romance between rorek and raven, and I think I sense something in choir and krista too. Am I right? Gonna read more later...

elizabethmay

wrote 134 days ago

You have a really great premise here. I love the idea of Death Deities, especially how you give occasional insight into how the organization works. When you remark on their "levels", especially. I'm a sucker for small details like that. You have some good world building so far, and Raven's POV is an excellent way to have a lot of what's going on explained to the reader in a rather seamless fashion. Her interactions with Rorek are especially fun for me to read. I don't mind the POV switches either, and I think it works really well for this.

Though I think one of the things you could work on here is a bit more internalization and detail. You have some scenes that are dialogue ridden, and while that isn't a bad thing, it should be balanced with a fair amount of description too. Part of that could be how your MC's mentally respond to the dialogue, and what the characters do when they're talking. That sort of thing really creates nice visuals for the reader while they're absorbing what the characters are saying. Sometimes it just feels a bit difficult for me to picture characters when they're talking if I don't also know what they are doing. Another thing is that you may want to keep your font more uniform. You have the letters in chapter 3 that are each different fonts, and while it works in theory to distinguish different writers, it's a bit jarring to a reader. Keep the font normal, put the letters in italics, and we'll know who wrote them based on who is signing off. Also, just keep an eye on your adverb use. I have a lot of difficulty with using one too many adverbs myself (I think I use them like they are going out of style!), but when you revise this, cut the adverbs and use more descriptive words to tell what's happening. An example would be instead of saying, "Time ticked by extremely slowly..." which uses two adverbs in a row, you might try something like, "Time slowed to a crawl..." Replacing adverbs basically makes the story flow better. I don't think they require being cut all together, just use them in moderation.

But other than that, you have a great start here. Keep working on this!

Coonow

wrote 134 days ago

Haha, nice interesting story.

TearyaTerry

wrote 135 days ago

I love the way Raven acts so tough. Hmm . . . Sounds so familliar. And as always there is a deep meaning behind it. Definetly a book I would buy. Keep up the awesome work. I love the Narrator, he seems like one of those, "I hate to do it, but I have to." Types. Loved it.

I.wanna.be.a.writer!!

wrote 135 days ago

I almost screamed when I finished ch. 15, i really love this story and i can't wait till i can read more, your writing is so fluid and easy. I've never been confused with the language of it which is great :D

Alex ^^

p.s
do tell when you put up more please XD

RikoYuzuyu13

wrote 135 days ago

Read to chapter three, it's awesome. but for some reason I imagine this as movie more as oppossed to a book...it that strange?
I LOVE THE CHANGING VIEWPOINTS! I love writing from different viewpoints to. This is good, I'll read mroe later on.

ShekinahGlory

wrote 136 days ago

My guess, Raven's "psycho" mom had an "affair" with Chior, and she produced raven! wouldn't that be awesome! Cuz Chior talked about falling in love with some chic! Is she half vizarian? Or half death-dieties-person? Hmmmmm!!!!! :D

RikoYuzuyu13

wrote 136 days ago

This is good so far, I've only read chapter one but I'll read more later.

Okay so a few things so far;
Raven seems way too mature to be fifteen
The changing of the font was confusing me
And maybe use a little more description fo scenery and characters, I'm a huge stickler for that

Okay now, I love this idea. It's very unique, it seems like an odd combination of Death Note(Rurek) and Buffy the Vampire Slayer(Raven):P I love the names! This is good, I'll read more later.

ObsidianAmbition

wrote 137 days ago

Hi!!

Great chapter (chapter 15)!

"and make us thing for hours" I think you mean "think."

o.o She's a vizarian??? :[ the last part made me sad. :'''[

update soon!

maria-chan

wrote 137 days ago

Ooh, I just finished the first chapter :] it's really interesting so far. It reminds me of "The Ultimatum" a bit, a story that my friend is writing here on Inkpop, you guys have similar MCs lol. Anyhow, I'm gonna start with the nitpicks and then I'll tell you the good stuff!

Ch1- The little meeting when Raven is jogging and Rorek is following her just seemed a little awkward >.< I'll be specific! It's just the one part where he sends the spell flying at her, that was the only part that bugged me. It just seems like it doesn't sell. I mean, think about it, if some random shinigami just knocked you to the ground and made you hurt don't you think you'd be pretty pissed or at least would have a slight reaction like "what was THAT for?" or something like that lol. Yeah, I'm picky T.T sorry, just trying to help.

Also, you might want to watch the dialogue a tiny bit : / if Raven is 15 then I don't think she'd talk so formally...unless she's really educated or something :D but whatever, that's a minor issue.
Overall I like this story so far and I'd be happy to give it a spin on my picks ASAP! Off to read now ^3^ ta ta!

ShekinahGlory

wrote 137 days ago

I'm SUPER pumped for the last chapter! You should DEFINITELY make a sequel, yo! It'd be GREAT! *sighs with anticipation* can't wait! lol :D Great story, Rose!

~ShekinahGlory