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Rank 47 (-1)
Word Count
66101
Date submitted
12.30.2009
Date Updated
06.28.2010
by simbaisloved
Book: Romance, Humor
He was kind of a loser. She was kind of perfect. It kind of made his masochistic crush on her impossible.
Garrett and Keira had always been best friends... and Garrett had always been the bookish type that was in love with her. Unfortunately for him, Keira was slightly oblivious and always went for the big shots. When the third link to their old trio moves back into town, Keira finds herself fawning over the instant Mr. Popular they both knew, and Garrett finds himself changing everything about himself to both compete with Jake and to win back her heart. When it proves impossible to do alone, his step-sister Shawnie steps in and THEN things get crazy... and, pray tell, what about burning trees and crashed cars?
On 76 Pick Lists
On 148 Watch Lists
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wrote 164 days ago
Author's Note:1. I realize Keira's name is spelled like "Kira" here and there. And actually, i'd like to point out that it's mostly in the first few chapters. That's because I decided I wanted to change the spelling halfway through haha. 2. If you call my ending unrealistic I'll get grumpy at you, because I took it from a real life experience, action for action. Just saying :]3. WARNING: SPOILER:so, a few people have been saying they don't agree with my last sentence about what friends are for. the thing is, that its really open for interpretation. it doesn't necessarily mean friends are for marrying, however, a best friend would make the best marriage partner because you already get along and love each other conditionallywell anyway, friends are not for getting married, necessarily, but more for being lifelong companions although not necessarily in that way, persay. its also meant to be interpreted by all my chapter titles and such, because all those things are included in life and in friends.well anyway, my point. don't take it literally. friends are for being people who will be there for you always and love you more than you ever even asked to be loved, no matter who you are or what you've done.the rest is up to you to decide =]
wrote 5 days ago
i love this story even though i started hating some characters then loving them during the story. i loved the ending.
wrote 7 days ago
I've only read the first two chapters and I love it so far. There are a few commas missing in some places, but I'm too lazy to go back and point them out. x]I'll give you a more helpful review later on.
wrote 8 days ago
I just found a couple errors.In chapter seven there’s in extra k in one of the first ‘”stealing”. In chapter eight. Where they talk about bible stories, you have a couple errors. Leah was the first wife who Jacob didn’t like as much, and Rachel was the one he really loved. Rebekah was Jacob’s mom. Isaac was Jacob’s dad; it was Jacob who needed a wife.I love that Garrett plays Pokemon. I love Garrett in general. He is such an amazing character, but also realistic and not too perfect.In chapter eleven. Garrett says something about Keira taking him chopping. It’s right in the beginning and I assume it should be shopping. Also, when Jake and Garrett are talking about Jake not dating, Jake says something and the sentence ends with a /All of part one was AMAZING! I love this book so much!In chapter 28. Right when Jake is talking about Cali. The sentence where it say “So, I joined choir” There’s a random d before it. These may be nitpicky, but I love this story don’t take any of the critics badly, because I love this!In chapter 33. When Keira is explaining why they can’y be together she says “fi” instead of “if”Oh my goodness. I almost cried when Keira and Garrett were fighting. You captured all the emotion of fury and pain so well. When Shawnie and Garret were fighting you did really well too. I could feel how badly they were both hurt.By the last couple chapters, I was reading so much faster. I had to know what was going to happen. I was so nervous that Garrett would leave. Great job.AHHH! I loved the ending. It was so cute and amazing. This is like my new favorite book!
wrote 9 days ago
I really really loved this story. It was so cute and just downright adorable! I feel guilty but I finished it with in 24 hours :). Anyways as you have already gathered there were grammar problems here and there, but beside that everything seemed to fit perfectly together. One thing I was confused about was how Shawnie was in Garrett's family. Where was her dad and stuff like that? She was a great character though! You have a great story on your hands! Loved it.
wrote 16 days ago
i do not understand why this isn't on the top 5 yet... :S it is definitely my favourite book on inkpop!
wrote 19 days ago
ok
You forgot about the pool. In an earlier chapter, when Keira is trying to figure out Garrett's pudge, she asks Garret if he wants to go swimming sometime and he said sure, so... what happens?
wrote 21 days ago
I loved it! You did have spelling mistakes and past tense mistakes but other than that it was amazing! Wonderful job with the story, you kept me on the edge of my seat until the last sentence. Thank You for writing this!!! :)
wrote 22 days ago
Oooh. I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Hehe. JUst wanted you to know that.-Halley
wrote 28 days ago
Oh, this book is so sweet! You had a few typos and you switched tense quite a few times, but you could fix them up so easily. One thing that really bothered me, though: hott. 'Hott' is not a word. The correct word is hot. With one 't'. However, You have really good content and have expressed your characters vividly. Well done, on the whole I loved it !!Larisa x
this book went automatically to my picks list---its SO great ! some of my friends even think you should write a sequel!
wrote 33 days ago
i like in the story that you keep readers barley on there seats you had a few miss spelled words other than that you will make a great auther one day :)
wrote 41 days ago
omgebers i love this story!!! i know i say this to alot of the stories but this one is by far one of the best!! i you write any other stories plz tell me!!! :) -BW
wrote 43 days ago
He always called [Keira] before he called me as kids[.] Yeah,So Jake apparently looks like a "Greek God"? eh. That's one of those things that you have to let the reader decide. We don't have a working description of Jake, aside them the fact that's he's "hot." I had three classes with Keira, though, [strangely] enough." --> Him having no classes with Garrett but having classes with Keira is not irony. That's completely expected, given the plot of the story as a whole."She was perfect. I was a loser." --> This hits at the heart of the story, but I don't know about this. We know that he's in love with her, but we haven't really seen any evidence that she's perfect, or that he thinks that she's perfect. But boy [will] I look stupid doing it.Ow, ow, ow, the different fonts for the note Keira and Jake passed between each other is totally unnecessary.The fact that Keira keeps harping on his haircut is really annoying. Why is she so hung up on it? It's one of the main things she always brings up when she's talking to him about him.Okay, the reaction of Garrett to being sort-of rejected by Keira is really worrisome. He got violent over something like that, something that was just a joke? This is the first inclination that we've gotten that he has a violent side to him. Uh oh.She doesn't like me that [way], ShawnieWOW. Okay, so apparently he has to cut his hair, or the girl isn't going to love him? There are a lot of bizarre notions in this story (the intelligent guy thinks the "school feminist" is equivalent to a man-hater, "straight guys just wear t-shirts"), but this is one of the most absurd things. In this chapter, you've just taken Garrett from a sweet, sort-of-doting best friend into an angry manbeast who has no self-respect. His character took a huge nosedive in one short chapter. In Garrett's next chapter... he is suddenly realizing that he has blue eyes? Not just blue, but "distracting from everything else blue." Ergh, hasn't he always had blue eyes?How can Keira take a lock of hair from Garrett's head if it's only an intch long? Then three of my boyfriends out of the hundreds I've had --> Eh. Really? Hundreds?One of the things that is hanging me up about Keira and Jake is that she keeps referring to him as best friend. They haven't seen each other in six years, how can she still call him her best friend? Especially if those six years were fueled by adolescence, rather than adulthood. Okay, now I'm getting really, really frustrated. Hot. Hott is not a word. Hot is a word. Hott would be auto-corrected on most word processors, and underlines as being mispelled on them, too. How does that keep slipping by your edits?"A haircut and new clothes don't make him a new boy." --> This is so refreshing to hear. Keira has redeemed herself just a little bit.Keira's character is making a little bit of a turnaround in these chapters. But now the plot is becoming a little convoluded. We've gone from:- one best friend is romantically attached to the other and doesn't know how to talk to her about it, to- one best friend had a troubled spot in his life and the other best friend was able to help him out of it, to- old friend from childhood moves back to town after six years, to- this old friend sparks an uncharacteristic change in aforemention romantically attached character, to- now he's moving away.I understand that romance is supposed to have obstacles for the characters to overcome, but this is piling a lot on the plate. They're how old, and they're still playing seven minutes in heaven? Once again, putting Garrett and Ana in the closet for the game together isn't irony. Garrett is supposed to be aiming for Yale, and he doesn't know this?WHY DON'T THESE HIGH SCHOOL SENIORS KNOW WHAT IRONY IS!? AUGH!Okay, WAAAAAAIT. Stop. Garrett is a nerdy loser... but he has better social skills than anyone she knows? How does that even WORK?! By the very definition, nerds do not have social skills! The rest of the people in her life would have to basically be vegetables for this to be true!In fact nothing at all has pointed to Garrett being nerdy, or a loser in this story. He has friends, he talks to girls, he goes to parties... where is the nerdy loser?!Garrett is now quarterback? After not playing football for three years--it's suggested that he's never played football at all, really? I find that so very unbelievable. The story that you started out with has so much potential to it. Everyone knows the two best friends like that--hecl, people have been that best friend. And you began to offer something different to the story--different social status, different personalities, different everything. And these characters started off being very strong, and your characterization of them in the early chapters was good.But somewhere along the line, I feel like you just completely gave up on your own characters. Garrett's suddenly Mr. Popular after a haircut, Keira's suddenly into her best friend after said haircut... it's all really difficult to believe and stomach, especially when some of the plots have just been discarded. Who are these characters? That's what we need to know. I feel like I was really getting to know them, and then they were snatched away.
First sentence is a great hook. How to make it even better? "I'm kinda thinking this is a bad idea now. You know, I'm..."I love this as an introduction chapter. It's short and sweet, but we get a nice look at who these two characters are aready. So close to the beginning of the story, and we can sort-of play at what these characters are thinking already. Be careful with your use of parenthesis. Avoid them at all costs, just introduce interjections through the use of emdashes. It's interesting that you introduce the fact that he's in love with her at the end of the second chapter, because until the moment that they're inches apart, there's no sign that he's attracted to her, or interested in her at all. It reads like a sibling relationship initially--specifically that she's the younger, dorky little sister, and he's the big tough older brother. In the end of chapter three, I'm not sure that we need Keira to repeat the line about materialistic. Try to trust your reader a little bit more than that, trust that we'll understand what she means by the paragraph before. I like that at least one person knows how Garrett feels, especially if it's his own sister. Interesting stress release, working out. I like that Shawnie notices this.Okay, so Garrett has the same thought in my head that I do about their relationship? I wouldn't call it incest, but he acknowledges something between them is siblining-like. and that I could get any [girl] I wantedChris Pine and Chad Michael Murray? Who are they?"We both walked into my room and Shawnie followed me in." --> Actions like this can be simplified. "We both walked into my room." You already implied that she followed him inside.I'm beginning to notice that you have some major tense changes within sentences of each other. "I mumbled..." followed by "she squeals" for instance.Both characters use "freaking" and "friggen" an awful lot. It's a little bit distracting.Keira mumbling "bossy, bossy, no wonder you don't have a girlfriend," is very aggravating, especially that she does it loud enough for him to hear. Urgh, annoying things girls do to their friends. "If he hadn't been my friend all my life, I probably wouldn't ever talk to him." --> This is so unfortunately telling about Keira, just like her talking about materialism. This, paired with the observance on the woman's weight in the earlier chapter are very good characterization. I'm beginning to dislike her. I hope that's what's supposed to happen. Ahhh, typical high school boy. He equates feminism with man-hating. That's too bad, considering he is supposed to be "smart."Hot has one t.didn't play some sport[--]one time... --> use the double-hypen, or emdash.amplified her already perfect [womanly] figure, so --> girlish implies that she'd have an immature body.Ugh, Keira is not exactly modest, is she? The characterization of her is starting to pile up into a mess of obnoxious. This is good for you, the writer. You're doing an especially great job of letting us know about Keira so far.Oh, the note about Keira having to take two steps to match Garrett's one step is really cute. I have to do the same thing with most of my friends. This is probably the first time I've liked Keira's character.I'm currently up to chapter eight, and I have to note a few things. While the chapters are short, it seems as though you're going by breaking things up into separate scenes. Mall scene, bedroom scene, car scene, etc. This is a great way to do it; however, we haven't gotten much of a whiff of their lives outside of each other. Each chapter deals with the two and seemingly nothing else. It's good to build the relationship--but you've already done it so early in the first few chapters that I'm not sure you need to wait too long to introduce more of the plot to us.Ugh, the only thing she wants to be is a mommy? Yeah, there is no hope of me liking her character. I love Garrett, though. "I'm solving your fear." It's such a cute thing to do--how can Keira not see through to his feelings, especially when he says things like this? He called her Rebekah and she calls him Woof! Ach! Blind girl and syrupy sweet boy. I have a hard time accepting it when the narrator tries to address the reader in the book. It pulls you out of the narrative and sort of shocks you into realizing that yes, you are reading a book. You don't want to pull the reader out of the story, you want to draw the reader into the story and keep him or her there. Wow, hm. It takes us so long to find out that Keira used to crush on Garrett, and that she's been holding her thoughts back on that. I think that we need to know this a little sooner--you don't even have to come out and tell us that, but we need to have some more inclination that the feelings are somewhat shared between the two of them. It completely changes the dynamic of the relationship in a way that the reader really, really needs to know. Oh, and Garrett's alcoholism, or the bender, or whatever it is? Yikes. We have that tossed in later, too. Something to let the reader know about that before (even if Keira mentions how he hasn't always been this super good, geeky guy once before, but doesn't necessarily jump right into it)."Admit it, very few straight guys dress in more than just a t-shirt." --> Er, that's not true?All right, I will look into chapters 11-20 tomorrow, after I get some sleep! I'm enjoying this immensely, though.
I really like this. Love it actually. Miss four year old, you can write! I love that it is sarcastic in a way I always wish I could write, but can't and I love that it is a double narrative (those are always my favorites). This is just a work of freakin art. I said I would pick the shorty, but I'm picking the book (why stick with an exerpt when you can hapve the whole package, yeah I know I sound like an idiot).Anyways, promise to read more in the morning when I'm not almost asleep. Loved it :)
wrote 45 days ago
Okayy. So it's over? Really awesome! I knew there was something wrong with Jake.
wrote 53 days ago
This was just spectacular! I read the whole thing (and it's difficult to keep my interest for this long, mind you) but I just couldn't stop until I finished! It was adorable with just the right amout of twists and your characters were phenominal. I loved how Garrett changed so much from the beginning of the book, yet he stayed the same (does that make sense? haha) and how he grew as a character along with Keira. I loved each chapter title, it was a nice steady theme and I looked forward to each new title to predict what it would be about (and if Garrett and Keira would FINALLY kiss!) on that note, you write suspense well and that was part of the reason that I couldn't get enough. The other part was how realisticly you wrote it. The dialogue between Garrett and Keira was seamless and worked so well to completely drive the plot. I loved everything from Garrett's perspective (and wanted to hit Keira's head against the wall every time she overlooked him) because, seriously? If I had a best friend like him... haha. I feel a connection with these characters now and that's probably why I love it so much. By the end I was so emotionally invested in them that it's freakin 1 o'clock in the morning and I had to make sure that they ended up together. Needless to say, this is hands down one of my favorites on here. Good luck making the top picks. I know that if everyone read this on here, it would be one for sure :) ~Maggie
wrote 54 days ago
What Friends Are ForI've like what I've read so far. It took me a while to know what the two were doing. I was thinking, what is illegal? But then fireworks were mentioned, and I was like, ooohh... I noticed that you changed tenses. In the beginning of the first chapter, you start out in present tense. But then a while later, it changes to past tense. And then after that, it changes back into the present tense. Maybe choose one that you feel more comfortable writing in. I made some notes while I was reading the first chapter. I want you to keep in mind, that the some of the notes I took below, are just suggestions.Chapter One: What Laws Are For"I cheer enthusiastically and watch as Garrett . . ." ⁃ I took the period after "cheer" out." 'I'm starting to think that letting you take AP Chemistry was a bad idea.' " ⁃ I laughed at this. I know the feeling." 'Two,' I continue and I watch and have to control my laughter . . ." ⁃ This sentence is a bit of a run on sentence. I suggest to put a comma after "continue," and then put "as I" before "have to control." Then, if you choose to do this, place a comma before "as I."" . . . burst up into a flame bigger than the one the coffee creamer had made but then the whole neighborhood . . ." ⁃ Maybe put a comma after "made."" 'So let's point the next one out towards the street more that way[.] [Even] if the next one does slip[,] it [won't] hit anything.' " ⁃ I changed the sentence a little bit, but remember what I said earlier. But putting that aside, I love what Garrett says here. It's funny. I don't know if you intended it to be funny, but I think it is." 'On second [thought], [let's] go get some pizza. . . .' "~vic
wrote 56 days ago
This book is really good. I read a few of your other books too and I thought that they were very interesting. I like the whole best-friends-in-love theme that you used. It's a really cute storyline. Good job!
wrote 59 days ago
OH my god! I wanted to scream when Jake interupted Garrets confession scene!!! -_- DAM IT! :p
if i could pick this story 5 times i would totally do it!
wrote 61 days ago
I loved it! I have no way to give any "Cunstructive crtisim" (Did I spell critism right? h oh well? :P) I love how you made the readr comfy with the layed back relaxed joke. I also LOVE LOVE LOOOOVVVEEE how you added made that storie (And I enjoyed it?) into this full-fleged Novl I geusse. And thank you for finishing it, this is the first storie I have found that was actually finished. I was so attached to this story my mom is nagging me at the moment telling me I need to get off the computer. Hehe. Anyways I loved the story the plot and the charecters ecepcially Keira!
wrote 62 days ago
This book is great! It actually made me laugh out loud more than once and Im only on the third chapter. :-p Also, I can already tell how strong your characters are. Especially Kira. :) Cant wait to read the rest! When Im finished I'll give you a full on : What I think. ;-) but so far, I can't find any flaws. Maybe you could give me some tips on my writing. Im writing a book right now, and I would appreciate it if you could give me some feedback, considering that you seem like you know what your doing. Poppy.
wrote 64 days ago
I llove this!
wrote 66 days ago
I loved the story you shoud try getting published
wrote 67 days ago
uhmmmmm i think im going blind from reading toooo much on the computer xDI LOVE THE STORY.dont change one thing. not the title or the cover or the characters names. everything is amazing!your biggest fan right heeerrree!ive probably read this like 5 times :P
wrote 73 days ago
... and, i am back to reading this AGAIN. can i even attempt to pull myself away from this lovely book?!!
Did I miss something out?'Cause i've been thinking about "the-book--i-stayed-awake-the-whole-night-to-read" and i don't remember any description of Keira..Well, even if it's left out, I think it's for a good purpose.Whoever finds this story perfect, can use their description for Keira.I think this is the most perfect-est love story everrr!!:)
wrote 78 days ago
I loved the whole book. I loved every description, every character, every little drama.Definitely going onto the list of favourite books. :">
I love it i love it i love it!!!! im like, staying awake the whole night to read it, its so AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)
wrote 79 days ago
loved the ending
okay 33 makes it right again
okay im on chapter 32 now but how could you seperate keira and garrett???????????????????????? that is sooo wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wrote 81 days ago
:O I Absolutely LOVED that!i also really love how you put movies in your story :) i wanna watch that mohana movie now--Keleenp.s. Keep me posted if you write more books! i'll be sure to be one of the first ones to read it. I ALSO also love your sence of humor. OK done praising your awsome book now.Adios!
wrote 85 days ago
i don't understand how this isn't in the top 5 picks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!it blows my mind.ITS AMAZING!definetly my favourtie story on this site :D <3 <3 <3 <3
This was crazy good!!!♥This is going on y picks once im done with something else!! Promise!!!! (:♥-Ashley(:♥(Sorry i didnt write this long paragraph about how good this was, believe me it was, but i just felt the need to say that i would be picking it soon (; )
wrote 86 days ago
I love this. I was so happy when I saw you'd finish. Only one little unhappy thing in my mind. The epilogue, the last line. He's asked her to marry her, that's what friends are for, getting married? I think (just my opinion) that maybe it should be about sticking through all the bad crap like Jake coming back and always missing out on the oppurtunity to be with each other. I just don't understand how that's what friends are for. Explain it more or something because it's confusing and to me doesn't make sense.xx
wrote 87 days ago
Oh man. I read this on my old account, but I deleted it. I'm picking up where I left off. I love this thing. I'm up to Chapter 22. It's incredible, and should definitely be on the top picks.I should probably be giving a long review, like I usually do, but that would be really hard, and I can't make myself read slowly. Sorry. On my last account I had some good comments though, I think.I was wondering, it would be great if you could check out Eberheardt. You may have seen it on my old account.
As I commented on your short story, I'm not that into romance. Somehow you've got me hooked. I have an interview today, it's 2:08 am, at 12:00 and I'm up reading your book. Love it!!! Anyway I better tip my hat and say 'good night' or morning rather. :)
wrote 88 days ago
I absolutely adore this story! great job, hope it someday gets published!
I thought this was good. It felt rushed at times though. Garrett was very persistant. I cracked up when I read that Jake had turned gay. THAT was funny(: The ending was cute, but seemed unrealistic to me. The romance scenes were very cute between Keira and Garrett. When he licked her neck... that gave me goose bumps(:
NOOO ITS OVER! i looovvveedd the ending awww awww awww awww soooo cute :) <3 hes gay hahahahha i laughed so hard at that awwwwwwwwww thats what friends are for aw
wrote 89 days ago
I loved this book! Your an amazing writer! Your book so deserves to be published! When it is ima so buy a copy! even though I already read itt. :D Keep writing! Its amazing! Thats an understatment! :Dwith love--liv(: !xoxo.
awwww yay there engaged! how cute! LOVED IT!!!
:D ahhh!!!! This was so happy!!! I love it!!! WBBlondie
i actually finished reading this like 2 hours ago, watched the johnny lingo movie then had dinner. then i realized i never made a final comment! my first thought was 'eh, whatever thats okay" but then i was like "wait, it was such an amazing story..the least i can do is give a comment back" so here i am commenting back. this story was amazing, although im sure you know. this was actually the first book i've followed on inkpop. before this story, i just read poems and short stories cuz was too lazy to read long stories but you definitely caught my eye with this one. awesome job. it was definitely worth the wait. =) i hope this gets published, id definitely buy it!
aah the ending was so cute! but i'm sort of sad it's done! anyway, this whole book was amazing! it MUST be a top pick soon :D
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